


Expensive Mistakes

by Vanilla_Ella



Category: Bandom, Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Age Difference, Angst, Depression, Fluff, Gen, Jordan and Ty are besties, M/M, Slight Incest, Slightly Cannibalistic Thoughts, Unhealthy Relationships, a little dark, josh is the little shy brother, josh wears panties, mention of suicidal thoughts, questionable morals
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-19
Updated: 2018-05-19
Packaged: 2019-03-06 20:11:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 45,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13418760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vanilla_Ella/pseuds/Vanilla_Ella
Summary: His younger brother is beautiful, lavender, chocolate caramel and glowing peach.Tyler becomes obsessed.





	1. Chapter One.

**Author's Note:**

> It's been centuries since I've uploaded, I'm sorry. I've just been kinda insecure about this story cuz I've never attempted something so light-hearted...it seems so wRONG TO ME

Tyler didn't think much when his best friend invited him over to his childhood home. Free pizza and video games were always something Tyler would welcome; after all, being in college and having the opportunity to get some real food after living off of ramen cups and frozen waffles? Any sane person wouldn't pass it up.

By 6 p.m., he's standing outside of Jordan's door, ringing the doorbell as he waits a tad nervously. 

He didn't have many friends during high school, and it was pretty needless to point out that he had much less houses to visit said friends during his teenage years, so the uncomfortability of being a guest was always something Tyler carried around, settled deep into his heart. 

Jordan, thankfully, swings open the door not too long after he knocked, a bright smile on his face.

"Dude!" he exclaims, grabbing Tyler's arm and dragging him in. "Come on! You're just in time, the pizza got here only a few minutes ago!"

"Cool," Tyler exhales, grinning as his best friend pulls him through the house quite enthusiastically. The house is, strangely, somewhat reminiscent of his own childhood home, with portraits of meaningful words and pictures of all of the Dun children (he doesn't get the chance to study any of them too closely, seeing them as more of blurs). The whole atmosphere of the house is warm and lived-in, looking far from pristine and perfect yet seeming rich in the comfort aspect.

Tyler smiles. He likes this place.

"--and after that, I thought we could watch a scary movie, maybe, I dunno," Jordan's rambles tune in and out of Tyler's ears as he's dragged to Jordan's childhood room, shutting the door behind them.

There are a couple of pictures on the walls, two beds pushed against the cream walls of the room. When he looks at Jordan questioningly, the other 23 year old rolls his brown eyes, pushing the stubborn curls out of his face.

"Oh, that's my little brother's bed," he explains nonchalantly, moving over to his study table that's full of papers and books, with pizza boxes precariously balanced on them.

"Ahh, that's cool," Tyler nods, remembering how he used to share a room with his younger brother as well.

He'd never admit it, but sometimes, he misses it.

"Anyways, help yourself," Jordan says as he throws a paper plate towards Tyler, Captain America-style, making the brunet grin as he catches it.

"Thanks, man," Tyler smiles, moving over to where Jordan's pulling out a large slice of pepperoni and letting it fall to his plate messily, the oil splattering on his black t-shirt.

It doesn't seem to bother him as he smiles, moves over to the TV.

"I'm gonna get ready Mario Kart."

"You mean you're gonna get ready to have your ass kicked?" Tyler teases, recalling the many recent times he had emerged victorious over Jordan.

The curly-haired brunet glares playfully, poking out his tongue. "We'll see about that."

After they both settle onto the ground, grabbing the controllers and putting the pizza plates on their laps, they begin playing.

The colors and graphics race by so fast, and it's always dazzled Tyler, always compelling him to go faster. They both laugh and shove one another, trying to get the other to slip up, but time and time again, Tyler beats him, even if by the closest second.

"Damn it!" Jordan finally shouts after losing for the seventh time, throwing his controller to the ground in exhibition of his frustration.

Tyler laughs, grabbing his pizza and stuffing the remains of it into his mouth. "Told you," he says through his chewing, "always gonna beat you."

"Man, but that's not fair!" Jordan whines, making the other boy laugh harder. "You've beaten everyone who's ever played against you!"

"Maybe I'm just a winner for life," Tyler suggests smugly, and Jordan huffs, rolling his eyes though a hint of a smile still graces his face. 

"Whatever. After spending all of that time last summer stuck in your house, all you probably did was play Mario Kart so you could come back to campus and beat everyone's asses."

Tyler's face falls at the mention of the previous summer, his stomach dropping a little. 

He's quiet as Jordan stands up to switch the game to something else, and if Jordan notices any lingering melancholy after accidentally mentioning one of Tyler's recent more darker times, he doesn't show it.

As Jordan begins playing a movie, Tyler leans back against his bed, watching the TV silently. 

Sometimes, he wishes he could tell Jordan what he thought, what sometimes flew through his head, what particularly happened that summer and all of the summers of Tyler's life, but he knows he won't understand, just like everyone else, so he doesn't. Depression was a fickle and difficult thing to explain, seasonal depression even more so.

As Jordan slips back into easy conversation with Tyler once again, the brunet tries to forget the other one's remark, responding as normally as he could to his questions about classes and teachers and such, when suddenly, the door opens.

Tyler expects it to be Jordan's mom, checking up on them. His mom used to do that for him whenever he had visitors over when he was younger, after all, though more often than not, those times were few and far apart.

When Tyler turns his head towards the door, he feels his heart plummet. (In what probably [most definitely] had to be the best way possible).

A literal angel peeks through the small crack between the door and its frame, and with how wide the boy's dark, almond eyes are, how soft and sweet his face is with the soft nestle of lavender curls on his head, the lightest dusting of peach making his skin glow in the evening light almost angelically, Tyler's breath is immediately stolen away.

He's sat there, frozen, staring at the cherub of the intruder and trying to fathom how he could be having such a strong reaction to seeing someone, never before ever recalling a time when someone made his heart literally stop (and yeah, it was as cheesy and cliche as it sounded, but Tyler couldn't help his heart rates. Sue him).

Jordan's voice, thankfully, cuts through his hazy mind, shocking him back to the world of the living.

"Josh, dude, what's up?" Jordan inquires, smiling at the small crack in the door.

Tyler blushes hard and quickly looks away as he realizes he'd been staring at the young boy like a creep, eyes glued to the little darling hiding behind the door.

The boy, Josh, seems to peek out into the room a little more at the call of his name, a soft frown spreading over his pink lips.

"Come here," Jordan beckons before holding up his plate in lieu of displaying his half-eaten food. "Want some pizza? I ordered extra."

"Oh," Josh exhales softly, and maybe it's Tyler's horrid, silly mind that makes him look up again at the soft voice, conjuring up the soft glitter specks that leaves the boy's darling lips with his sigh.

"S-sure," he mumbles, looking down at his socked feet, looking the literal epitome of shyness, and if Tyler thought he was awkward, this boy definitely overthrew him. 

In the cutest way possible, of course, as Josh added quietly, "If it's okay?" 

"'Course, dude!" Jordan nods, quickly getting up off of the floor and moving over to the pizza boxes.

Josh glances shyly at Tyler, looking away almost immediately. In hindsight, it's probably for the best that he didn't behold those piercing brown orbs for longer than a second, as the older boy's heart probably would've exploded.

"Come here," Jordan calls, but immediately, Josh shakes his head almost frantically, the lavender curls on his head bouncing softly in the most adorable way.

The older Dun sighs, glancing at Tyler before looking back at his little brother. "Dude, come on. There's no one to be shy around."

Josh sighs again, peeking at Tyler and gulping a little. He stands by the door, seeming to battle with his fight or flight response, before he chooses the former, quickly stepping in, closing the distance between him and his older brother in a few, light strides.

Jordan smiles. "That's my boy," he declares almost proudly as he puts the plate into Josh's delicate hands, ruffling his hair for a second.

Tyler, watching the fond exchange, wants to throw up his dinner as he realizes he'd do anything at that moment to feel those silky curls between his own fingers.

"Oh, by the way," Jordan says, turning to Tyler. "This is my little brother, Josh."

Josh looks at him again, almost visibly curling up back into his shell of shifty eyes and stuttering words, but Tyler quickly stands up, damning his shaky legs to hell and back.

"H-hey," Tyler says lamely, failing to remember the last time he'd been so nervous in front of anyone. He doesn't even think he was this shaky when he was meeting for his first job interview, and that was saying a lot.

"Hi," Josh says softly, blinking up at him through impossibly long, dark lashes.

And honestly? 

Tyler wants immediate death if all of the angels in heaven looked like him.

Tyler can't peel his eyes away from the shy boy, even as he ducks his head and gives one last tiny, "Thank you," to Jordan before he bolts out of the room, disappearing at an alarming speed.

Tyler finds himself staring out the door for a few seconds, trying to process the last two minutes in his head.

"Tyler?" Jordan says confusedly, feeling a bit worried as his best friend doesn't respond. "Tyler!" he shouts, moving over and snapping his fingers in front of his face.

Just like that, the brunet seems to be jolted back to life, quickly snapping his head side to side a few times as if looking for some sort of danger that would cause Jordan to act so frantically in order to get his attention.

"What--huh?" he stumbles over words for a moment.

"Oh, there you are," Jordan sighs. "Drifted off there for a second."

Tyler feels the heat in his cheeks burn at that, letting Jordan grab his arm as he drags him back over to the TV.

"Come on, let's watch."


	2. Chapter Two.

It's stupid, really.

Tyler can't ever remember the last time he replayed a moment over and over again in his head. Really, he can't remember the last time a face ever even stuck in his mind so stubbornly, but he can't help it.

Just like he can't take his mind off of the boy.

Jordan doesn't seem bothered by his mental detached-ness, having gotten used to the times when Tyler's mind would begin drifting off and he would have mini shutdowns.

Getting quiet all of the sudden and detached from reality made it hard for Tyler to make and keep friends, and the few he still had all knew of Tyler's occasional aloofness, knowing it was best to just ignore it.

It's past midnight by the time Tyler fully associates back to reality. 

He looks over to Jordan by his side, who's watching the movie silently with bleary eyes.

Tyler feels exhausted, just as he had been all week, his bones sagging with tiredness at the mere sight of Jordan's own sleepy face.

"Let's sleep," Jordan suggests, shutting off the TV. When Tyler stands up and throws away his paper plate, grabbing his keys from the bedside table, his best friend stops him.

"Dude, you think I'm letting you drive all the way back to campus at this hour?" he inquires with a slightly amused smile. "Come on, just stay over."

"Really?" Tyler inquires slowly, watching how Jordan rolls his eyes so hard that he's left wondering how they aren't stuck to the back of his skull.

"Yes, really," he says the last word almost mockingly, and Tyler smiles, too tired to take offense.

"Here, we can sleep on my bed," Jordan yawns, pulling up the covers and sliding all the way against the wall.

Tyler quickly slips into the bed, sighing in relief at the feeling of the soft mattress under his body. 

Their roommates always made fun of him, saying how he and Jordan were like old men who couldn't stay up past midnight, but it was true.

Despite the constant teasing from their colleagues, they both didn't see it as a bad thing, knowing the value of sleep amounted much more than the value of being a "party animal" who stayed up till the early hours of the morning. In all honesty, a life like that sounded like a nightmare to them both.

"Night," Jordan mumbles, rolling over so his back is facing Tyler.

"Night," he responds quietly, rolling over to face the door.

His heavy eyelids fall relatively quick, his overworked mind slipping into sweet sleep. 

He forgot how tiring it was to think about a person, ponder and replay their every movement, their every word.

Yeah, it was kinda creepy, but Tyler was analytical of everything, taking into account not only the visuality of an object but also the emotion behind it.

And Josh's eyes were bursting with emotion.

He sleeps throughout the night, his insomnia thankfully giving him a break after having suffered a few particularly bad nights with it recently (it was the reason Jordan actually invited him over at all, knowing he needed a break from the stress of studies).

When he wakes up, the sun is just starting to rise, rose lavender rays seeping in slowly through the blinds.

He stretches just the tiniest bit, not wanting to awaken his best friend with jerky movements and sits up slowly, rubbing the blearyness from his eyes.

When he slowly takes in the room, fascinated by how different, how much softer and sweeter and more childish it looks in the morning light, his heart skips a beat as lavender bursts in the corner of his eye.

He looks over to the other bed just a few feet away, heart seeming to sigh as it catches sight of a fluffy head of gentle lilac.

The urge to reach out and touch is still as strong as the night before, but he refrains, simply letting his vision suffice him at the moment, taking in the milky skin and peachy cheeks instead. 

He stares for a few seconds, feeling somewhat guilty for creepily watching his best friend's brother sleep just a few feet away from him.

He's interrupted when the bed beneath him shifts, Jordan rolling and stretching with somewhat of a loud yawn.

Tyler glances at him almost in a panic, seeing how Josh shifts just enough to be noticeable in his own bed as the creaking sounds of Jordan sitting up with no finesse fills the room. 

"Dude!" he berates under his breath, groaning at how Jordan looks sleepily over at him.

"Wha--"

"You're waking up your little brother!" he whisper-shouts, glancing nervously as the sleeping angel shifts once more as Jordan lets out a loud scoff.

"Dude, its fine," Jordan insists, rolling his eyes before raising his arms to stretch again and making the bed beneath them creak once more.

Tyler wants to slap his best friend, tell him that, "No, it's not fine, because you're ruining my chance to study an actual angel," but instead, he opts for staring as disapprovingly as he can at Jordan's nonchalance to his own brother's resting status.

"I need to use the restroom," Jordan declares tiredly, jumping over Tyler's legs and landing on the floor with a particularly loud thud, making the brunet wince as he whisper-shouts once more, "Dude!"

Jordan, finally noticing how Josh rolls over in his bed, eyes pressed shut in a way that easily portrays his bothered-state, smiles sheepishly at Tyler in a half-hearted apology before quickly tip-toeing out of the room.

Tyler sighs as Jordan exits the room, glancing over at Josh who seems to have settled comfortably once again into sleep' embrace.

His relief, however, is short-lived, as his idiot of a friend accidentally lets the heavy door slip from his hand just after he leaves the room, and it slams shut against its frame with a deafening crash.

Tyler, thankfully, isn't the only one who jumps and lets out an extremely unmanly yelp, as the other boy in the room does the exact same, springing upright as he lets out a particularly high-pitched cry of his own.

Tyler finds himself staring at the door, partly in annoyance at his best friend's clumsiness and partly in disbelief, moments of time slipping through his fingers. It takes a while before he registers the soft whimpers filling the room.

He quickly looks over to Josh, who's staring at the door as well, lavender curls tousled in the most adorable way, cheeks pink with sleep and eyes wide with fear.

Tyler's heart aches a bit at the other boy's clear bewildered state, and he quickly gets out of bed, walking over to Josh's bed and kneeling in front of it.

"Hey," he says quietly, touching Josh's blanket-covered knee gently.

Josh's head whips over to look at him, letting out another screech at the sight of Tyler. The brunet startles at his reaction, only able to jerk away from the boy as the younger quickly shifts back frantically on his bed, back pressed against the wall as he stares at the brunet with wide, terror-stricken eyes.

"Hey, hey," Tyler says softly, struggling to find words to comfort the clearly fearful boy, holding his hands up in a poor attempt to try and calm him. "It's okay, please don't be scared."

Josh stares at him with round, scared eyes, his chest heaving up and down as he tries to regulate his breathing. 

"It's okay," Tyler repeats, trying to sound sure and steady, though he keeps his voice soft and low. He slowly reaches his hand out, looking at Josh's questioningly. "It's okay, I'm not going to hurt you."

"Please," Josh's voice cracks, and it's so quiet, raspy with sleep. He shakes his lavender head frantically as he desperately struggles in grasping for his words. "Please, don't touch me."

Tyler quickly pulls his hand back, not wanting to upset the poor angel any more. Guilt is heavy in his stomach though he knows he hasn't done anything wrong, not deliberately.

"I'm sorry," he apologizes. "I won't do anything you don't want me to..."

Josh stares at him hard, as if he's trying to find deceit in Tyler's face, but finding none, he nods hesitantly, sagging a bit against the wall as some of the tenseness leaves. 

Tyler sighs in relief. "I'm sorry if I scared you."

Josh blinks at him, a flush slowly washing over his smooth cheeks as realization lights up his coffee eyes. Memories of seeing Tyler the night before seem to clear up his head, his eyes widening as he remembers who the other boy is. He averts his gaze quickly to look down at his hands in his lap, rubbing them together almost nervously. "Oh. Oh, no, it's okay. I was just...startled."

Tyler doesn't know what to say after that, but he doesn't feel the need or urge. He never felt as comfortable in silence around a practical stranger as he did now, silently watching as Josh grabbed the thin sheet and tugged it more to cover his lap. 

"Umm..." 

"Oh," Tyler says, the urge to slap himself upright washing over him when Josh looks at him almost pointedly, glancing at his bed. "You--you're probably tired, huh?"

A ghost of a smile appears on Josh's lips, but it's not condescending or mocking of Tyler's obvious observation. It's honesty and sweetness tugging at his petal lips.

"Yeah," he murmurs almost bashfully, looking anywhere but Tyler.

He's so shy, it makes the older boy's heart ache.

"Right, sorry," Tyler nods, quickly standing and moving away from the bed, wanting to give the lavender boy as much space as he needed to breathe and sleep comfortably.

He quickly returns to Jordan's bed, sitting on top of the duvet quietly as he watches Josh descend silently out of the corner of his eye, face burrowing in his pillow the minute it comes in contact with the cottony square.

It feels even creepier than before, knowing that Josh is still wide awake and he's watching him so closely and shamelessly. When the guilt becomes too much, he looks away to stare out the window.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Ty you're so awkward... *sighs*
> 
> Hope you all are having a great day/night wherever you are! <333


	3. Chapter Three.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm tired so forgive me if this isn't the best..but me being me as in me being dumb, I still really wanted to upload.

It's stupid, really.

Only days after spending the night at Jordan's house, Tyler's drowning in desire and thoughts, lavender hair and brown eyes choking him with want.

He has to see him again.

Not out of choice.

Out of pure need is his longing fueled.

It's subtle hints, casual suggestions. A "hey, we should hang at your place again," or "Wasn't last Friday fun when we just chilled?"

Jordan seems a bit suspicious, if not amused. He smiles at each of Tyler's suggestions and remarks, nods and promises they can go back soon.

Tyler's ecstatic at the promise, to say the least.

He sits nearly everyday in class, barely listening to the professor droning on and on. The thought of seeing Josh again is the only thing that's keeping him from throwing himself through the window, the reality that his money is being drained to attend said classes forcing him to sit through with as much attention he can muster, (though meager as it is).

But honestly, who'd want to listen to a bald, middle-aged man explain the concept of numbers and theories while he could replay a certain angel's voice in his head, over and over?

He's losing his mind by the end of the week.

It's Josh, over and over, his face and delicate hands being forgotten only in hopes of remembering the tiny, minuscule details, like the flecks of green in his caramel eyes, or the gentle lilts in his soft voice. 

When Jordan tentatively (finally) suggests going over to spend the weekend at his house after much too long, Tyler jumps eagerly at the chance, heart already pounding with the thought of seeing his lavender angel again.

This time, he drives with Jordan as opposed to going the next day in like manner of the last time he went, bouncing nervously in his seat while his hands twitch on his lap, at his sides.

Jordan notices it, looking worried as he reaches over blindly, clasping one of Tyler's cold hands as he drives.

"You okay?" he inquires, concern bleeding in his words as he squeezes Tyler's hand tight. "You've been kinda distant...well, more than normal, at least. And you seem kinda restless--"

"I'm fine!" Tyler forces out, trying to sound as normal and relaxed as possible, though he's sure his words come out much more different than intended as Jordan only furrows his brow more.

The interruption was a bit much, wasn't it?

"Are you sick? I heard there was a bug going around campus--"

"No, no, I'm fine," Tyler shakes his head a little too jerkily, glancing over at his best friend and smiling as reassuringly as possible, squeezing his warm hand back once. "I'm just..." he pauses as he fishes desperately for a semi-decent excuse. "...excited, to spend time with you."

Jordan takes his eyes off the road for just a moment, looking a little surprised at Tyler's statement, a little suspicious. "Really?"

"Of course," Tyler nods, and he's grinning like an idiot by this time, but, with a flood of thoughts pouring into his mind of Josh and how close he was to seeing him again, he couldn't help it. "We're always around our roommates or other students, I barely have time to just chill with you."

Jordan's eyes widen at bit, his face softening. He grips Tyler's hand tighter and Tyler returns it with his own squeeze. 

"You're so gay," he mumbles, but not a hint of disgust or resentment is colored in his statement, and it makes Tyler laugh, although it sounds borderline hysterical.

His best friend doesn't know the half of it.

And truth is, Tyler doesn't either.

"Maybe," he teases, and Jordan joins in his laughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> silly beans
> 
> I hope you all are doing alright! <333


	4. Chapter Four.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this has been going a little slow, and I'm sorry ;-; it'll pick up in the next chapters, I promise!

Tyler's respectful, shakes Mr. Dun's hand with a firm and polite smile, allowing himself to be tugged into Mrs. Dun's warm hug though he'd never object otherwise. Mom hugs were the best, especially when she had such a comforting voice and a warm smile, formally welcoming him into his best friend's house as she weren't present to do so the last time Tyler was there.

"It's so great to finally meet you!" she declares with a wide smile. "Jordan's always talking about you!"

The curly brunet rolls his eyes and Tyler nudges him playfully, winking. "Always, huh?"

"Oh shut up," Jordan sticks his tongue out at him, grabbing his arm. "We're gonna hang in the basement till dinner if that's okay, mom?"

"Oh, of course!" she nods, walking over quickly to the stove. "I hope you like chicken parmigiana, Tyler!"

"Oh I love it," Tyler reassures, smiling widely as Jordan pulls him. 

It would be a lie to say that each step through the house didn't make Tyler's heart beat faster, the probability of running into the individual generator of his dreams and desires becoming higher and higher.

He's about to burst with nervous excitement by the time Jordan pushes the basement door open, dragging Tyler in.

He stops just as he crosses the threshold, eyes scanning around the room almost frantically.

He stops just as he catches sight of him.

Josh sits on his bed, currently looking up at his older brother with wide eyes, not seeming to notice the barely breathing young man at the door. 

It's only when Jordan bends over slightly, tugging the younger boy into a hug that the latter's eyes fall on Tyler.

The brunet can hear his soft hum, how he grips Jordan's arms and pulls him closer, whispering something in his ear.

He could be saying something completely sweet and innocent about Tyler, or something full of hatred and vile (even with as incapable as he seems of doing so), but Tyler can't help but feel honored that he's on Josh's mind at all, even for just a little.

He hears Jordan chuckle, pressing a kiss to his lavender head before releasing the younger boy from his arms, straightening up as he looks at Tyler, beckoning him into the room with an outstretched arm.

"C'mon, dude!" he smiles. "No need to act like a stranger, you've been here already."

Tyler nods jerkily, shutting the door gently behind himself and shuffling into the room, barely unable to hide the awkward nature of his movements.

Even after fantasizing about the next time he'd see Josh for the longest time, he's still able to act like a fool, unsure of himself and his actions.

It's just another one of those things he hates himself for.

"We're gonna use the TV, 'kay?" Jordan barely spares the younger Dun a glance before snatching the remote from his mattress, quickly settling onto some random drama channel.

He tosses the remote back onto the bed, narrowly missing the lavender-headed boy before he grabs Tyler by the arm, ushering him over to sit on hi/s bed.

Tyler quickly descends, unable to keep himself from staring at Josh, even when the somewhat bewildered boy looks at him with curious eyes.

Tyler opens his mouth to say something, but his brain shuts off when Josh lifts his hand, giving a little shy wave in his direction.

The way he quickly looks away, hand dropping to his lap as he tugs the large chemistry book closer to himself makes Tyler's heart melt.

He's so shy.

Jordan's rambling in the background, probably spouting off ideas of what they could do over the weekend. Tyler hears vague mentions of a trip to the mall, or maybe even to the movie theaters.

"--I mean, I heard there was a really good movie playing right now," Jordan says animatedly, nudging Tyler sharply when he realizes his best friend isn't even looking at him. The movement startles Tyler, and he whips his head around to look at his seemingly nonchalant friend. "Like I was saying," Jordan continues, raising an eyebrow, "there was that film we wanted to see. Y'know..with the car explosions and the unusually attractive cast?"

Jordan doesn't give him any time to reply, instead turning his attention towards the silent lavender boy only a few feet away.

"Hey, J," he calls with a smile. "Wanna watch a movie with your older bro and his lame best friend?"

Josh looks somewhat surprised, lifting his head and looking at Jordan.

Tyler frowns at the mildly panicked look on his face.

"Oh come on," Jordan chides gently with a smile. "We never get to hang out...aaand you never even step outside to see the light of day."

Tyler lifts an eyebrow at that, and the furious peachy blush that spreads across the poor boy's face like wildfire is enough confirmation for Jordan's statement.

"You're going with us," Jordan concludes, leaving not much room for Josh to protest as he turns to look at Tyler with a hopeful smile. "That's okay, right?"

Tyler opens his mouth, shuts it and nods quickly. "Sounds good," he manages without sounding too choked. 

That entire night, Tyler finds himself continuously and helplessly glancing at Josh, the lavender boy who sits on his bed quietly, refusing every invitation from the other two boys to come scoot closer to the TV. 

To be honest, the movies Jordan had chosen for that night were pretty intense, filled with seemingly endless jump scares that made Tyler's heart race and his head pound in anxiety.

He'll never admit it, but the only way he braves through it is the fact that he can always peek over at Josh, who seems absorbed in the movie despite being basically buried in his heavy navy comforter, watching through the hands that partially cover his face.

Jordan's hand that squeezes around Tyler's own reassuringly whenever the brunet jumps is also comforting, the fact that he can bury his face in his best friend's shoulder with zero fear of judgement soothing him, and they're able to make it through the night with minimal screams of terror.

Saturday morning seems to dawn early for them, all three passing out from exhaustion and fright without bothering to turn off the TV.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was v sleepy when I wrote this, can you tell? :p
> 
> Thank you for reading! Please enjoy the rest of your day/night, and I'll see you all again soon <333


	5. Chapter Five.

Perhaps it's a strange sight to see; two brothers walking carefree through the mall, so close they're almost pressed together while another boy trails behind them, watching their every movement with the attention of a hawk. 

If you asked him, it's curiosity that makes Tyler linger behind them quietly, watching as they walk hand-in-hand.

Plus, this way, he can stare at his lavender love all he wants, revel in how adorable he is in his oversized blue sweater and his black, ripped skinny jeans without fear of his best friend noticing.

It's easy to recall how Josh had flinched at the dinner table when his mom patted his back gingerly the night before, how he looked at his father with wide, almost fearful eyes when he greeted him "hello," had visibly curled in on himself when his sisters began raising their voices as they playfully argued about something regarding a boy.

Josh and Jordan's brother dynamic, however, is interesting, to say the least. The more time Tyler spends watching them interact results in him realizing more and more how close they are (and the thought both swells him with adoration and deflates him with fear, to say the least).

It makes Tyler wonder, to say the least, that out of all of his family members, Jordan's the one who can lay a hand on Josh without the latter freaking out, can even go so far as to pressing his lips against the shell of his ear as he whispers something to him, arm wrapped almost possessively around the younger.

Tyler can't help but feel a little jealous, no matter how ridiculous it sounds. Of course Josh would trust his older brother much more than a stranger claiming to be his best friend, but he only wishes he could rush forward and take the lavender boy's other hand.

He'd probably get slapped, by Josh or Jordan is what he doesn't know.

Tyler sighs, only finding small comfort in the hope that, maybe, one day, he can have the honor of touching Josh in even the smallest of ways, with only trust and reverence between them.

His steps in daydream land are quickly halted when he bumps into Jordan by accident, jerked out of his thoughts when a ticket is shoved into his hands by aforementioned best friend. 

Tyler's a bit bewildered for a moment, only realizing a minute later that Jordan bought the tickets when Tyler promised to the night before. 

He owed him, after all.

Jordan rolls his eyes when Tyler begins to fumble with his wallet, shaking his head fondly as Tyler struggles and insists on paying him back.

"Wait-- Jordan, I have money, just let me--"

Needless to say, he feels like a fool in front of the lavender boy, especially with how he suddenly develops a stutter as curious chocolate eyes watch him closely. 

He always had trouble functioning like a normal human when he was being watched, the feeling that people were just waiting for him to slip up making his moves shaky and unsure, but now with the pressure of an ethereal angel (out of all creatures) watching his every move, he feels like he's being crushed.

When, by some miracle, he finally fishes out the correct amount of dollar bills, his best friend shakes his head.

"Keep it," Jordan pushes his cash-clutched hand back to his chest, smiling a tad fondly as Josh watches the two with a slightly amused look. When Tyler frowns and opens him mouth to retort, Jordan rolls his eyes again much more dramatically, grabbing Tyler's hand in his free one and dragging both the brunet and Josh towards the snack stand.

"If you're so desperate to spend your money, get the popcorn," he declares bemusedly, grinning as he releases his best friend's hand and ruffles Tyler's hair.

The brunet almost automatically whines out a petulant protest at the action, the thought of how he spent almost twenty minutes trying to make it look presentable that morning irking him in just the slightest (and, no, him fixing his hair was not just something he did when there were cute people around).

However, the thought of complaining dissolves from his mind like cotton candy in water when Josh giggles softly, capturing all of Tyler's attention once more.

When Tyler looks over, he's got that sweet little smile that makes Tyler want to die, eyes scrunched up as he presses his face bashfully against Jordan's arm, blushing as he giggles.

Tyler suddenly feels like a puddle of melted marshmallows, sticky and covered in a sweetness too intense his teeth begin physically hurting.

'Josh is way too fricking cute,' his mind complains instead, ruined hair forgotten.

"Go," Jordan laughs, shoving Tyler away and dragging Josh. "We're gonna be in the theater!"

It'd be a lie to say that Tyler didn't take a moment to recover, and it'd be a bigger lie to say he didn't watch Josh and his best friend walk hand-in-hand down the large hallway, heart absolutely stopping as the lavender boy glanced over his shoulder, smiling bashfully at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick question: would you rather there be short, frequent chapter updates? Or a set day (like Friday or something) that would be one significantly longer chapter for each week?
> 
> Thanks very much for reading! Hope you have a good rest of the day/night!
> 
> (Also Josh I wanna pinch his cheeks so bad ;-;)


	6. Chapter Six.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while since we got a little serious, huh?

In hindsight, they really should've checked the reviews for the movie.

I mean, yeah, it should've raised a couple eyebrows when they saw the R rating on the tickets, but Tyler thought it was just for the amount of blood and violence in the movie.

Turns out, there's a lot of blood. 

Like, gallons and floods of the stuff. 

It kind of makes Tyler's stomach turn, the screams plentiful and the maniacal laughing making his skin crawl. He's not extremely sensitive when it comes to horror-filled violence though, and that's the irony that washes over him whenever he finds himself scrunching up his face in displeasure.

A few quick glances at Josh who sits close by, only separated from Tyler by Jordan, show that Josh seems to react the same, wincing whenever someone gets stabbed or shot or run over.

That, however, is not the worst of it.

There's kissing. A lot of it. 

It gets to a point where Tyler feels like an intruder, like he should yell "Get a room!" to the characters on the movie screen. 

However, it's when they actually do "get a room" that Tyler feels his stomach flip with uncertainty.

He glances out of the corner of his eye at Jordan, and his best friend looks back at him a little worriedly.

No one wanted to watch this kind of scene with an underage family member.

It's when the kisses and dialogue get breathy that uncomfortable shivers run up Tyler's back and he has to look away, never before feeling intrigued or "in to" scenes like the one unfolding on the giant screen at the moment.

However, when he turns his head and looks, he sees Josh staring with wide eyes, his pretty lips slightly agape. 

It's probably normal for a boy his age, Tyler thinks, but it's when he looks closer that he feels a bit worried, starting to realize maybe it isn't normal.

Josh shakes ever so slightly as he watches, hand gripping around the soda pop Tyler had gotten him so tightly the plastic looked ready to crack, chocolate eyes brimming with liquid that seems to keep him glued on the screen.

Josh looks neither intrigued, curious, or turned on.

He looks terrified, face pale like he might pass out at any given moment.

Jordan seems to notice this too, glancing at his baby brother when things on screen begin to get kind of intense.

Tyler sees him lean down a little, whispering something into Josh's ear. He pulls back, watches Josh carefully for a response. When he gets none, he glances at Tyler.

"I'm gonna bring him to the bathroom really quick," he whispers after gripping Tyler's arm, and gently pulling him so close his warm breath tickles Tyler's ear.

The brunet nods, frowning as Jordan stands up and pulls the younger boy with him, hand gently pressed against the small of his back and leading him out.

For a few moments, Tyler contemplates whether or not it would be alright to follow them, but as the scene in front of him drags on and on, his own mind is made up for him.

He finds the closest bathroom to their theater room, knowing this one was most probably the one Jordan brought Josh into.

The hallways and bathrooms are thankfully mostly abandoned, everyone inside their screening rooms or chatting quietly as they work behind the counters.

When Tyler pushes the bathroom door open, his heart plummets.

There are soft, muffled sobs, and Tyler sees, at the bottom of one of the stalls, two pairs of feet. 

One of them have gray converses, which Tyler quickly recognized as Jordan's favorite, torn up shoes.

The brunet stays next to the door, unsure of whether he's intruding on a private scene or something of the sort. He's ready to make a quick escape if he has to though, hand still pressed against the door.

"Joshie," he hears Jordan whisper, that soft, sweet chuckle he always let out when he was trying to comfort someone and let them know everything was alright slipping out. "C'mon, baby, it's okay."

"N-no," Josh hiccups quietly, and Tyler's heart aches at the fact that he allowed the poor boy to be brought into such an explicit movie. "D-don't like it..."

"I know, baby, I know," Jordan whispers.

Tyler swallows, feeling guilt begin to slowly take hold of his throat. 

If he'd known Josh would react so negatively...

It's only seconds before he begins berating himself; of course Tyler would allow something this horrible to happen the first chance he gets to hang out with his lavender boy. 

He shuts his eyes tightly, fingers curling into fists.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

"Tyler?"

He glances up quickly at his name, feeling startled at first. Jordan looks at him confusedly, suddenly out of the stall.

Josh rushes past Tyler to get to the sink, splashing water on his face as he hiccups.

"Why aren't you watching the movie?"

It takes a second for Tyler's mind to cooperate and begin making him speak. "Wanted to make sure you guys were okay," he manages without sounding too awkward, his concern mostly peeking through and covering it. 

He glances at Josh pointedly.

"Oh," Jordan exhales slowly, walking over slowly and standing between Tyler and Josh, placing his hand on the younger's back and rubbing him soothingly. "Yeah..we're okay.. right, baby?"

Josh sniffles, pulling himself to stand straight up once he's washed his red face enough and nodding. 

The worst part is the shame on Josh's face that makes him look down at his shoes while he walks over to the tissue paper dispenser, like he feels guilty, like he's done something wrong.

"We'll talk later," Jordan mouths to Tyler, and the other boy nods.

When they get out of the bathroom, they begin walking down the large hallway, Josh making a direct beeline for the screening room.

Jordan quickly catches up to the younger boy, grabbing his wrist.

"Josh," he says quietly, frowning at the way the tears in the younger's eyes glisten the tiniest bit.

"What?" 

"We're not going back in there," Tyler pipes up, a sudden burst of protectiveness turning into confidence as he takes a few steps forward, fighting the urge to lay his hand on Josh's shoulder but still trying to convey his care and worry through his eyes. Jordan looks a bit surprised at Tyler's remark, but the brunet just continues, "We don't have to go back in, especially if it upsets you."

"B-but you..." Josh gulps, looking down at his feet. "This was the movie you guys wanted to see and paid for it and all--"

"None of those things matter more than you being comfortable," Jordan interrupts, gripping his hand tightly. "C'mon, lets go to the mall."

"But--"

"But nothing." Josh looks at him with big caramel eyes, Jordan glancing at him with slightly confused ones. To be fair, even Tyler's surprised as his statement comes out sharper than he intends.

Maybe it's just the fact that Josh's eyes are still slightly red and puffy, his face a bit blotchy; maybe it's the waves of protectiveness he feels whenever he looks at Josh, the choking desire he has to just shield and please his poor little angel that seems to be slowly but steadily eating away at all his other desires.

"C'mon," Jordan tugs his hand, grabbing Tyler's in the process as well.

They both don't mention the embarrassed, disappointed well of tears in Josh's eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oKAY I KNOW THAT WASNT TOO LONG AND IM SORRY :( I've been kinda busy with school plus I'm writing a small one shot for Valentine's Day and everything is crumbling around me :)
> 
> Hope you all are doing much better though! Enjoy the rest of your weekend!


	7. Chapter Seven.

Jordan being Jordan and perhaps having the world's biggest appetite, the first place he drags them to is a restaurant at the corner of the shopping center, claiming he was "horribly famished."

"This place has the best burgers," he says when they're finally seated and looking at their menus. "What're you having, J?"

By now, Josh had been silent ever since they left the movie theater, quietly tapping his fingertips against his thighs and making no attempt at conversation despite his older brother's many attempts to draw him in.

In alignment with his latest trend of silence, Josh just shrugs at his older brother's question, not even making eye contact.

Jordan squints at him.

"I don't know," Josh sighs finally, as if he can feel Jordan's eyes on him, voice cracking a little from crying earlier. "Maybe...salad..or something."

"Salad?" Jordan repeats, scrunching up his nose. 

The younger Dun frowns, placing down his menu on the table carefully. "Mom said I have to eat salad every day."

"Geez, J," he huffs, "I know you aren't the strongest or healthiest kid or anything but you should pick what you want."

Josh just looks down, facial expression a little torn as he seems to soak in Jordan's words, along with his own mother's command at the back of his mind. 

"You're getting a burger--"

"He wants chicken strips," Tyler pipes up suddenly, placing down his menu on the table as well and looking quietly over to the lavender boy to gauge his reaction.

Josh looks up with big, caramel eyes, looking nothing short of surprised.

They all don't say anything for a short while, all three of them sharing surprised glances; Josh because he never guessed Tyler could read minds, Tyler because he's still a little unsure of whether he assumed correctly, and Jordan because he was nothing short of impressed. 

Thankfully, the waiter comes around and they all gain enough composure to order, Josh shyly mumbling his order of the chicken strips Tyler guessed he was craving.

Once the waiter leaves, Josh glances at Tyler, apricot-peach making his cheeks glow in the low light of the restaurant.

"How'd you know?" he whispers as if he's asking about the secret to eternal life, bending over the table just slightly as he puts his skinny arms to rest on it, tilting his head like an adorable, curious kitten.

There's something about Josh giving him his full, undivided attention that sends Tyler's mind suddenly reeling, an angel shaking him to his core with his pure and complex beauty that quickly turns Tyler into a stuttering, blank mess.

He tries to think of something clever, something witty to say (he really does). However, he's drawing up a blank in his usual, underwhelming Tyler style, instead stuttering out a nervous, "I don't know."

Jordan lifts an eyebrow, quietly reaching up and pressing a hand against Tyler's forehead without missing a beat, thankfully saved the trouble of leaning over the table to do so as they were sitting side by side.

"You okay, Ty?" he inquires, concern clear in his words.

"Wh-what? Yeah, c-course," he nods, feeling embarrassment begin blooming in his stomach and making him want to curl up and hide.

Thankfully, Josh is just smiling blindingly at him, eyes squinting just the tiniest bit and glistening happily.

It's that exact moment that Tyler wants to make Josh smile at him like that for the rest of eternity.

 

•••••

 

The mall is fairly crowded with Saturday shoppers by the time they begin walking around, but it's to be expected.

Josh doesn't seem too interested in any of the stores they go into, the video games Jordan waves in his face only received with a small smile of acknowledgement or a complacent nod. 

He's interested in the clothes even less, lifting random sleeves of fleece overcoats with a slightly bored expression, rubbing fabric between his fingers silently and following Tyler and Jordan quietly.

Tyler feels a bit sympathetic every time he glances back at the younger boy, barely even listening to Jordan's rambling about some shirt or something. The feeling of obligation to make their trip at least somewhat enjoyable for the lavender boy creeps up the longer they walk around, the fear that, maybe, if he wasn't fun enough, Josh wouldn't want to hang out with him anymore. 

After all, the day wasn't going as best as it could, given its rough start.

"J," Tyler nudges his best friend while he's paying for his clothing, keeping his voice relatively low as he glances over his shoulder at Josh.

"Hmm?"

"What's your little brother interested in?" Tyler whispers, watching the oblivious, little sweetheart walk around a faceless mannequin a couple of times. 

Jordan grabs the plastic bag with his clothes offered by the beaming cashier, smiling and thanking her before gripping Tyler's arm and turning around, scanning the store a few times before his eyes land on his little brother.

"What the heck is he doing...?" Jordan mumbles under his breath as he watches Josh circle the mannequin silently, staring at its blank face in a curious manner. He raises his voice just enough for the younger Dun to hear, "Joshie! We're going."

Josh's head snaps towards him, caramel, coffee eyes widening the tiniest bit as he rushes over, grabbing Jordan's arm. 

"What were you doing, silly?" Jordan runs his fingers through his lavender hair as the three of them begin walking out, unaware as to how Tyler practically melts when Josh giggles a little.

"Nothin'," he replies. "Just waiting for you to hurry."

"Well, sorry, but my age is catching up to me," Jordan retorts sarcastically, a smudge of pride contorting his face when Josh laughs. "Oh, by the way," he adds, "Tyler was asking what you're interested in."

An embarrassed, somewhat high-pitched hum seems to rip itself out of Tyler's throat as he looks at his best friend in a betrayed manner, glaring when Jordan shrugs his shoulders. 

Frickin' clueless as always.

"What I'm interested in?" Josh repeats innocently, looking a bit shyly over at the brunet. The latter can only nod uselessly, barely able to hold his gaze with the younger for more than a few seconds as he'd probably begin tripping over thin air and bumping into nonexistent obstacles, only doing so for the fact that he's afraid once he loses himself in Josh's eyes, it'll be hard to find his way back.

"Well... nothing much. Not too into fashion, I mean, I usually just opt for ripped jeans and a hoodie on autumn days like this," Josh shrugs. "I don't play video games too often either.."

"But there's one thing you're really into," Jordan interrupts, grinning blindingly over at his brother who looks at him almost franticly, clearly nervous.

"What?" Tyler inquires a bit too eagerly, perking up.

"You like music, don't you?" 

Josh blushes deeply, looking down. It confuses Tyler, to say the least, that Josh seems embarrassed. 

"Well, y-yeah," he mumbles quietly. "But that's ki-kinda personal.."

"Same here, dude," Tyler quickly pipes up, hoping he could make the little angel feel a bit better. "I don't really like showing off music I like to people I know who won't get it."

That makes Josh lift up his head, looking up at Tyler in his sickeningly intoxicating way, caramel eyes flashing through his thick, dark lashes.

"Really?" he mumbles so quietly that one would imagine he was simply breathing, the loud commotion of the shopping center and the incessant chatter around them dulling his soft word into a barely-there whisper. 

But Tyler hears it.

He hears every letter forming on his tongue, every smooth slide of it spilling from his lips like golden honey.

"Yeah," Tyler replies, simply lacking a more elaborate response because of the way Josh is looking at him, like he can't believe he's found someone just a tiny bit like himself. 

They stare at one another for a couple of more moments, Josh being the first to break eye-contact by quickly looking away, cheeks flushing so hard Tyler can practically feel the heat radiating off his smooth face.

Jordan looks curiously between the two of them, being able to see every minuscule detail the result of being sandwiched between the two.

They're all quiet as they continue walking, the background noise finally serving a purpose and filling in what would have been an uncomfortably deafening, awkward silence. 

It's a few moments before Jordan asks somewhat hesitantly, "Are you guys okay?"

Josh's only response is to grip his arm tighter around Jordan's, still not making eye contact but giving him a comforting squeeze.

Tyler smiles, takes Jordan's hand jovially.

"We're perfect," he assures his best friend, who smiles warmly back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Geez I'm making everyone cringe and I just got back, how rude ;-;
> 
> Hope you all are doing swell <333


	8. Chapter Eight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the only thing that's letting me post is the hope that someone out there won't hate this as much as I do ;-;

They get back to the house around 9 P.M., having filled the rest of the day with aimless walking around and eating. 

Like, lots of it.

Sometimes Tyler wondered why he and Jordan were able to work steady jobs but still had to share rent with four other dudes, until the sheer amount of food that they both purchased on their splurge days came into mind.

There probably wasn't a snack they didn't eat once they got back to Jordan's house, stuffed with pretzels, frozen yogurt, cinnamon rolls, and gelato. 

Josh looked mildly sick from the amount of food Jordan gave him, complaining how his little tummy was poking out more than normal although Tyler couldn't see it through his oversized sweater. A large part of Tyler was screaming at himself to offer Josh some belly rubs, mostly to help him feel a little better but partly to get the chance to touch him, but the rational part of his brain refrains, instead offering Josh a sympathetic glance and glaring at Jordan whenever Josh walked a bit slow and sat down at every chance he got.

The older Dun assures him he'll feel fine once he takes a nice, hot shower, and that's the first thing he forces him to do, pushing the younger into the bathroom with his towel and locking it.

Jordan leaves the bathroom with a sigh, entering the basement and sitting on the floor by Tyler, who leans against the side of his bed silently.

They're both sitting in the pure quiet atmosphere, the sounds from the house above them muffled by the thick walls.

It's a while before Tyler's able to work up the courage to ask, although he had been replaying the issue in the back of his head for the entire day. 

However, just as he opens his mouth, it seems like his best friend already could tell what was on his mind.

"So, about earlier.." he begins, the reluctance clear in his lowered voice. Tyler turns to meet Jordan's eyes, watching patiently as he fumbles with the zipper on his sweater for a moment. 

When the brunet doesn't continue, Tyler speaks up, hoping it'll prompt Jordan into giving a better explanation. "Why was Josh crying?"

Jordan seems to think about it for a moment, clearly cautious with approaching his next sentence. "He's... sensitive to that kind of stuff," he finally settles on, not meeting Tyler's eyes as his own drop to the floor.

Tyler feels a little bad, knowing Jordan only ever keeps his mouth shut about important secrets, but curiosity gets the best of him, and he finds himself prompting Jordan more by nudging him, titling his head.

"Why?"

"Well..." Jordan sighs, rubbing the back of his neck with an open palm and looking up towards the ceiling as his mind races. "He was never shy as a baby, was really outgoing and happy."

Tyler nods, waits patiently although he's already sweating bullets, fingers twitching because he wants to know. He wants to know so badly.

"But things have changed," Jordan concludes. "Stuff has happened and changed him, changed all of us, really."

And there it is, the disappointment Tyler was expecting to feel. He's not stupid enough to think Jordan was gonna come out suddenly with this seemingly sensitive subject and pour him all of the details to scrutinize and analyze, he can tell there's much more to what Jordan's saying, layers he won't know for at least a while. 

So he changes the subject into something more speakable. 

"He seems close to you," Tyler remarks as casually as he can, although he's sure his eyes flash green with envy as images of Josh holding Jordan's arm tightly, essentially touching him all over and probably even kissing him behind closed doors flood his brain. 

Jordan just smiles, although it seems a little uncomfortable. "Yeah.. we are."

"My question is, how's he comfortable with you being all over him when even his own mom can't touch him without flinching?"

Jordan lifts an eyebrow at the wording, glancing at Tyler. "Wow," he whispers, "jealous much?"

Tyler feels suddenly punched in the gut, all the wind knocked out of him. 

Frick, frick, frick, frick.

"What?" he tries to sound incredulous, like Jordan's crazy and the ideas he's presenting is insanity itself, but he sounds more choked, caught off guard. "No, no, don't be ridiculous."

Jordan stares at him for a moment, and Tyler hates every second of it, the unreadable face Jordan usually has making Tyler even more uncomfortable in this scenario.

Thankfully, he just flashes a toothy grin, shaking his head. "I was just kidding, Tyler, geez." 

Tyler lets out a breath he was holding for a long time, a nervous chuckle slipping out as he finally deflates with the receding tension.

"But yes," Jordan continues. "He was really close, at least, physically affectionately close, to me while we were growing up out of all of our family members. That was the one thing that never really changed."

Suddenly, a frown spreads over his face, and he looks down as the playful atmosphere of the room is sucked out, fumbling with his zipper nervously again.

Tyler waits, knows it's best not to say anything and let Jordan work himself to open, clear away his reserves by himself.

It happens a few moments later with Jordan sighing heavily. "Our parents thought it wasn't good though. I mean, what you've seen right now?" he looks at Tyler, smiling a little sadly. "That wasn't even half of what he used to do with me."

Tyler's eyes widen, his best friend's words sinking in deeply. "Wait...did you guys...?"

"What?" Jordan frowns. 

Tyler gestures with his hands uselessly, words rendering even more useless as his voice is lost.

Jordan's eyes widen though. "What?! Oh, no! Definitely not... like that."

A sigh of relief is unable to be held back, and Tyler sags against Jordan's bed once more. 

"But... after some things happened, he wouldn't let anyone touch him, he didn't even talk for a few days." 

Violence has itself written all over Jordan's words, maybe even a dreaded form of it hinted at. Tyler tries hard not to think about it, knowing he'll get angry and heartbroken if he lets himself jump to conclusions; even the thought of Josh suffering through something makes his heart clench with sympathy.

"But things never changed between us," Jordan shakes his head. "In fact, after that, I became his only source of physical affection, and in a sense, his only friend, because I was one of the few people who knew what happened to him, why he shut off constantly, why he began getting night terrors and all that."

Tyler feels his heart tearing at the hurt Jordan's face portrays, like the memories were enough to break his heart again and again. 

"But things went too far." Jordan glances up, looking automatically at the picture on his desk. It's a young Josh clutching onto him, face buried in his neck while they sit on a bench. "The mental strain got to him, made him begin asking things of me that were dangerous, hurtful for himself, definitely not on the appropriate side of the spectrum. Mom wanted to separate us, and even though I knew it was for the best, it fucking tore my heart out when I had to say goodbye and he was being held back, screaming. I never seen him so upset in all of my life, not even when he was..."

Jordan pauses, swallowing the lump in his throat, and as selfish as Tyler is, as much as he wants to know what exactly happened, he pushes himself aside, grabbing Jordan's hand.

"It's okay," he whispers, caressing it and frowning when it begins shaking. There are tears in Jordan's eyes that he's trying so desperately to hold back, and Tyler's heart aches as he pulls him into his arms.

"It's okay," he repeats as he holds his shaking form tightly. "We don't have to talk about it anymore, okay? It's alright."

It's only a few short moments and a few silent tears later that Jordan pulls away, rubbing the back of his hand across his eyes.

A change of subject is needed to clear the heavy air, and Jordan seems to know that, sniffling quietly, "He likes you, y'know?" 

Tyler's heart flutters. "Really?" 

"'Course," he sighs, leaning his head back to rest on the side of his bed, eyes cast up to the dusty ceiling. "Thanks for...y'know, being understanding with him and all that." 

Tyler nods, unable to stop the small smile on his face and the warm feeling coating his heart like melted chocolate. "Don't mention it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ..thank you for putting up with me. things have been pretty tough this week but I'm glad to just be here at all.
> 
> Hope you all are doing much better than I am! <333


	9. Chapter Nine.

It's cereal for breakfast, rubbing his tired eyes from waking up earlier than normal. Jordan seems to have already let go of the dark conversations and what came with it the night before, bouncing with a slight energy beside him, grinning and tapping his fingers on every surface possible. 

Tyler doesn't really know how he could have so much energy so early in the morning, but he doesn't question it, instead opting to shovel spoonfuls of lucky charms into his mouth.

The marshmallows collecting at the bottom of his bowl float with vibrancy and color, the purple standing out much more than the others.

He stares at the swirling colors for a while, fascinated by the watered down, simple beauty of pastel against stark white milk, when he hears soft footsteps pad through the kitchen, a few distressed whines.

Tyler quickly looks up, perking up a little when he sees his Josh. The only thing that puts a damper on his happiness is the frown on the lavender boy's face, his scrunched up nose as he tries to shake off his older sister.

"C'mon, J!" Ashley (he thinks) chides, holding his wrist tightly and trying to drag him backwards. 

"Ash, stop," Jordan calls disinterestedly from where he's stirring his cereal absentmindedly, disapproval clear on his face.

"But Jordan," she sighs, still holding her little brother captive but letting him walk over to the cabinets. "Mom told me to make sure he takes his medications."

"Josh," his older brother turns his disapproving gaze onto the younger, narrowing his eyes when Josh deflates.

"I don't want it," he insists quietly, not bothering to make eye contact with Jordan as he grabs one of the light blue bowls from the cabinets, filling it determinedly with cereal. "I don't need them anymore."

Jordan sighs. "Sweetheart, you know what happened last time."

Tyler feels his heart get pricked a little at the mention of a 'last time,' wondering what it could be but knowing it can't be all that good, not from the look on his best friend's face.

"Well, there's nothing to get nervous about now. I'm sure my anxiety won't spike today."

"And why's that?" Jordan crosses his arms, keeping his weighty gaze on the younger, hoping it would coerce him. "Mom said she almost had to take you to the hospital last time--"

"But that was when you weren't here," Josh interrupts sharply, finally lifting his head and staring at Jordan. There's no anger or resentment on his face, only a slight tinge of disappointment and something else Tyler can't identify, swirling in his caramel eyes like the soft hazel flecks in them.

The kitchen is quiet for a few minutes, and if Tyler weren't crazy, he wouldn't think that they're somehow communicating, the contact of eyes enough for the two brothers to have a silent conversation.

Something glistens in Josh's eyes a long moment later, and his head darts down, visibly swallowing a lump in his throat. It's not long before he quietly exits the kitchen, head hanging and arms dropped to his sides in an almost defeated manner.

Tyler frowns, looking over to Jordan who only sighs, picking up his bowl of cereal and shoving the spoon in his mouth.

"What was that?" 

Jordan shakes his head, pinching the bridge of his nose as he swallows the last bite and gets up. "Nothing," he answers, reply short and clipped as he places his empty bowl in the sink and follows after Josh.

Tyler frowns and looks into his milky bowl.

 

•••••••

 

After that incident, they leave Jordan's house only half an hour later.

Afraid to cross a boundary, Tyler doesn't question his best friend when he packs up the few belongings he brought, movements jerky and eyes shining. The upset demeanor he carries for the rest of the day, bringing it from his childhood home to campus, is painfully obvious, as their other roommates notice.

Patrick, perhaps the most considerate and adorable roommate ever, peeks into Tyler's and Jordan's shared room once the latter goes out for a run, a concerned look on his face. 

"Is Jordan okay?" he inquires softly, adjusting his glasses a bit nervously. 

Tyler sighs. "Yeah..just some... stuff came up."

Patrick looks a bit confused but nods, sending one last, somewhat unconvinced look at the brunet before leaving.

When Jordan returns, sweaty and panting lightly, Tyler watches him curiously. Each bead of sweat that rolls down his skin as he adjusts some of his notebooks and cleans his desk leaves like poison in his system, his earlier frustration draining slowly but steadily out of him. It shows in the way his tense shoulders slowly relax with each minute, the way the deep furrow between his brow lightens ever so slightly.

When he looks like he won't snap at any given moment, at any tiny word, Tyler rolls his dice and speaks.

"Hey, J."

Jordan only nods shortly in response, but it's something, at least in Tyler's eyes. 

"Nice run?"

"Mm..."

"Feel better?"

Jordan only shrugs.

Tyler frowns, feeling a tad irked at the way Jordan keeps his back towards him.

'Breathe,' he reprimands himself, knowing that losing his temper won't help the situation.

"Jordan," Tyler calls softly, reaching over and clasping the other boy's wrist by some miracle despite the long stretch. "Come on, sit with me."

It takes a long pause, with Jordan just staring blankly at the wall for a few seconds. Eventually, he lets out a heavy sigh, moving over quietly to sit on Tyler's bed.

"There you go," Tyler gently guides him down with his hands, resting one on his back and rubbing comforting circles.

The shaky breath Jordan lets out once he's seated on the bed, the almost empty look in his eyes worries Tyler to no end. 

He's only ever seen Jordan this upset a handful of times, and every one of those times, it's scared him.

"What's wrong, Jordan?"

"Nothing," the other boy mumbles, looking away though he leans into Tyler's gentle touch. 

"Bullcrap," Tyler huffs, continuing the firm circles on his best friend's back as his frown deepens.

When it becomes clear that Jordan won't speak, not voluntarily, Tyler sighs.

"We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," he reassures. "But you know I'm here for you, right?"

That gets Jordan to look at him, glassy-eyed and lips full and pouty.

He doesn't say a word, simply lets out a distressed hum before he's diving into his best friend, arms coming to wrap around him as he pushes his face into Tyler's chest.

"Aww..." Tyler chuckles, heart letting out a little, happy sigh as he runs his hand through Jordan's hair, caressing the faintly freckled cheeks with the back of his fingers as his arms wind around him.

Jordan's still alright with touching him, which the brunet takes as a reassuring sign.

"It's okay," he murmurs into his brown curls, closing his eyes.

He smells just like Josh, Tyler discovers with delight, and his grin grows larger.

"I'm here."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update's gonna get a little messy 
> 
> （╹◡╹）♡ thanks for reading!


	10. Chapter Tën.

To be fair, Tyler should've expected it sooner or later.

Jordan isn't stupid; the extreme opposite, really. He's intuitive, observant. 

So maybe Tyler had been daydreaming much more as the days went on, his mind far off and stuck to a certain lavender boy. Even his roommates began taking notice; whenever the two returned from Jordan's house, Tyler's head was in the clouds, pinned to a sweet angel with almond eyes and peachy cheeks.

Maybe the heavy, slow sighs that always escaped his lips when he imagined how soft Josh's skin looked, how sweet it would taste between his teeth, got much more attention than he noticed, his blank stares into the abyss of nothingness bringing nothing but concern to his friends. 

The obsession grew worse with every second Tyler spent at the Dun's household, the small facts Tyler began learning about his favorite angel being eaten and swallowed up like a delicious, rare delicacy.

The frosting on the cake was served when Josh reluctantly accepted a challenge from his older brother and raced Tyler in a Mario Kart championship.

Maybe it was the way Josh leaned and swerved aggressively, the belief that maybe it would help him go faster adorable and somewhat childlike, but his sharp elbow pokes into Tyler on more than one occasion in the few minutes they play against one another, effectively making Tyler freeze up. Maybe it was the way Josh was sitting so close to him in the floor, his face barely a foot away in all of its abashed, beautiful glory that made Tyler lose focus, along with his control.

Long story short, Josh was crowned champion, having been able to defeat the longtime winner with his distractingly cute face and his even more so adorable and uncontainable body language.

Jordan was too busy celebrating his little brother's victory, hugging him in an overzealous, proud kind of way, and shouting Josh's title as champion from the top of his lungs.

Tyler was too enamored, too infatuated with the way Josh's face was flushed a peachy pale, the way he seemed to curl in on himself and soak in all of the praise his older brother drowned him in, that Tyler barely felt any disappointment in his loss.

It was then at that moment he learned Josh was capable of so many things Tyler wouldn't be able to imagine, the taming of his competitive side an impossible task Josh somehow accomplished. 

Tyler was losing his mind in lavender sweetness, in chocolate eyes and cheeks rounded and flushed with innocent youth, that he sat around staring, content with only one person on his mind and one in his heart. 

So when Jordan came around, a frown on his face as he shut the door to their room behind him, sitting on his own bed opposite of Tyler, the brunet didn't think much of it.

That is, until he opens his mouth.

"Who is it?"

Tyler feels himself jerked out of his musings, his best friend's voice slicing through his thoughts faster than a hot knife through a flower petal.

"What?"

"I know you found someone, Ty," Jordan sighs, and there's something in his eyes: resignment, maybe even a tinge of disappointment? "I'd have to be stupid to not know it."

"W-what are you talking about?" he laughs, albeit nervously, adjusting the neckline of his shirt that somehow suddenly feels tight. 

"The faraway looks, the sighs," Jordan shakes his head. "You know, I don't know what's going on in your brain half the time but I know that look on your face all too well."

"W-what?" Tyler huffs, crossing his arms a bit awkwardly due to his forced aloofness. "Jordan, you're being..."

"I'm not being ridiculous, Tyler," his best friend glares and crosses his arms as well, effectively cutting off his speech. He stares silently at the now speechless brunet for a few moments before something softens in his brown eyes and he deflates. "Come on, dude," he sighs, and there's a hint of sadness in his voice, a strange hurt in his almond eyes that makes Tyler's heart ache. 

His eyes look so much like Josh's, yet not at all at the same time.

"Why haven't you told me yet?" he inquires, sounding a little hurt. "I thought we were best friends."

"J, we are!" Tyler cries perhaps a little too enthusiastically, quickly reaching forward and grabbing the other boy's hand in a nearly violent manner, but he can't help it.

Not being friends with Jordan means not having an opportunity to see Josh again. 

And of course there are other certain ramifications like losing the best companionship Tyler has ever been a part of, etc., but those are (sadly) not what come to mind first.

"Then why won't you tell me?" Jordan asks, and it scares Tyler to death that he isn't squeezing his hand back like he normally does, that there's an almost pained quality to his already strained voice.

Suddenly, his lip wobbles. "Wait... is it...?"

Tyler suddenly feels his heart seize, and it's having Josh on his mind (like he always is) that's making the whole situation a thousand times worse, the look of disbelief on Jordan's face, of realization, making Tyler nearly begin to hyperventilate.

"What?" he barely wheezes out.

There's another pause and Jordan tilts his head, looking betrayed.

"Is it...that girl from your English?"

Tyler immediately lets out his breath, his heart still beating violently in his chest although there's a little relief. 

"No," he laughs breathlessly, still on edge and coming out choppy, "no, it's not Jenna."

"Okay..." Jordan frowns, visibly starting to think again a little harder.

The thought of Jordan calling him out on the right person is too frightening though, too realistic that Tyler beats him to it, knowing an accurate accusation could make Tyler falter and spill everything.

"Jordan," he gulps when the other boy makes eye contact with him, a curious look on his face. "Y'know I don't like keeping secrets from you, right?"

'That's a lie,' Tyler thinks bitterly.

Jordan nods.

"Well... you know, you're the first person I'd tell under normal circumstances...but this.." suddenly, tears spring to his eyes and he feels nervous, knowing he won't be able to go back after this. And how would Jordan take him coming out with the truth? 

The thought of his best friend reacting negatively, pulling his hand out of Tyler's and looking at the brunet with the expected disgust, makes Tyler feel sick, makes his heart begin to beat faster with fear.

Jordan, the real one in the present, frowns, and Tyler finally feels him squeeze his hand gently. 

"Ty? ...what is it?"

Tyler opens his mouth but no sound comes out, the words stuck in his throat. 

He's scared. More than he probably has been in a long time.

"J, it's not a..." his voice dies out at the end, and it feels like his doubt is suffocating him, squeezing his neck shut. 

"Hey, it's okay," Jordan mumbles softly, placing his hand on Tyler's back and rubbing it, clearly sensing his distraught state. "You don't have to tell me.. I'm sorry I asked--"

"Jordan, it's not a girl," he forces out, so quiet he can barely even hear himself.

The room is silent for a few moments, and Tyler half expects his best friend to stand up, to begin shouting at him for being so disgusting, so sick, like he can help who he's attracted to.

But instead, Jordan remains quiet, still caressing Tyler's back calmly.

"Really?"

Tyler glances at him, and it's surprise and relief finally pouring over him when he sees the honest, open look on his best friend's face. 

"So you're..gay?" Jordan asks tentatively.

"No!" Tyler shouts, and then winces, letting out a shaky breath to calm himself. "No, Jordan," he says softer. "All my life I've been attracted to girls, but for some reason, there's this one person who's come around and changed everything. And I've never felt this way about anyone in my life, you know?"

Jordan nods, and it almost feels like a daydream, a fantasy world where his best friend isn't judging him, or doesn't hate him for the truth. 

He suddenly has the urge to hug the sweet life out of Jordan, his ever understanding and compassionate best friend, and that's what he does.

"Thank you," he mumbles, and a tear slips out. "Th-thank you for understanding... you don't know how scared I was."

"Ty," his best friend sighs heavily, wrapping his arms around him. His body feels nice, toned and strong from running and going to the gym all the time, and Tyler's glad that someone with such a nice physique would be okay with hugging the soft, toneless lump that is Tyler Joseph. "You don't have to be scared to tell me anything, okay? You know I'll love you no matter what."

And if it wasn't emotional earlier, Jordan's words certainly do the trick, opening the floodgates holding back Tyler's tears and letting Niagara Falls pour down his face.

In what universe was he lucky enough to have Jordan?

"I love you," Tyler whispers into his neck. "Thank you, I love you so much."

When they finally pull away from one another, ten minutes after basically cuddling with a bucket of tears involved, Jordan presses his hand against his best friend's face, wiping away a tear gently with his thumb.

"Who is it, Ty?"

Tyler freezes up for a moment, gulping.

"Umm...I don't know if I'm ready to tell you yet," he whispers, rubbing his neck and dropping his gaze to the light blue comforter of his bed.

"Can you at least give me hints?" Jordan nudges him, a soft smile on his face. "I'm dying to know, if you haven't noticed."

Tyler smiles. It's the least he owes his best friend anyway.

"Well..." The first thing he thinks of is Josh's brilliant lavender hair, but knowing it'll be too much information, a basic condemnation on Tyler's already doomed soul, he opts for mentioning his natural hair color. "...he has brown hair--"

"Oh come on!" Jordan laughs, interrupting him sharply. "Tyler, everyone has brown hair!"

"Not everyone!" Tyler bites back, rolling his eyes. Classic Jordan. "And it's not normal brown hair, it's like...the color of melted chocolate, or the wood of a young tree."

Jordan falls silent as Tyler goes on. "His skin is the prettiest porcelain I've ever seen, with a few freckles across his face. And he's so cute and pretty, I wish I could fit him in my pocket or something."

Tyler sighs, frowning.

"Go on," Jordan whispers, face a bit more serious. 

"He's adorable, and I feel like every moment I spend with him is something sacred, something I'll never experience ever again with anyone else," Tyler stops himself quickly, noticing how much he's spilling. 'Of course it would all come out inadvertently,' he muses with a frown, 'I've been thinking about Josh like this forever.'

"Do I know him?" Jordan asks quietly, and he sounds a little on edge, a little nervous.

"Y-yes," Tyler admits, and he looks over despite the fear beginning to bloom in his heart again. 

He takes Jordan's hand and they make eye contact, but it feels different with how heavy the situation feels, different with the way that Jordan looks confused yet so sure all at once. 

"You know him," Tyler whispers, and something tells him quietly that it's a good idea to lean in, to push his forehead against Jordan's and let them both relax with the familiarity of close proximity, holding hands and breathing the same air, noses gently pressed ever so slightly against one another. "You know him very, very well."

Jordan's silent, and Tyler can hear his heart from where he is, beating loudly and overzealously in his best friend's chest like the wings of a hummingbird, trying desperately to keep up.

"Really?" he whispers, and Tyler misses the hopeful hint in his voice, the quietly celebrating, joyful disbelief in his tone.

"Really," Tyler whispers back, smiling. He takes one last deep breath before moving over, kissing Jordan's cheek lightly. "Thank you, J," he smiles, pulling away from the wide-eyed brunet. "I have class though," he stands up from the bed, gently rubbing Jordan's shoulder for a moment before he moves to his desk, collecting his homework and stuffing it in his backpack.

He gets ready his things, puts his watch on and washes his face to rid himself of the pesky after-crying redness.

When he's about to leave, Jordan stops him, grabbing onto his wrist tightly.

He looks nervous.

"You know you can tell me who it is, right?" he says softly. "Whenever you're ready."

Tyler stares at him silently, and nods.

"I'll see you later," he reassures, and walks out the door.

Suddenly, when he's out walking on campus, a weight feels lifted from his chest, and a smile forms deep inside him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh wow two updates in one week
> 
> Would be a shame
> 
> If someone
> 
> Were to miss
> 
> Next week's update... *coughs as bright billboard points at me*
> 
> Hope you guys are doing okay! :) love ya, my frens.


	11. Chapter Eleven.

"Joshua Dun, champion of all!" Jordan declares loudly, waving his hands in grand gesture as he kicks open the basement door, quickly bending over in an elegant bow.

Tyler rolls his eyes. "You'll never let that one go, will you?"

"Never," Jordan grins back at his best friend before he suddenly has his arms full of his giggling little brother. "Hey, sweet boy."

"Jordan!" the younger's smile is threatening to split his precious face in half as he glances over his brother's shoulder to make eye contact with Tyler. "You can stop praising me now. And I know, you said it was a miracle that I beat Tyler at Mario Kart but that was two weeks ago!"

"Never, my dearest, never!" Jordan exclaims, pulling away from the younger just enough to put his hand to his heart. "Perish the thought--"

"Stop!" Josh giggles, slapping his brother's chest half-heartedly as he winks at Tyler, making the older boy melt in his shoes. "I only beat him by some sort of luck."

"Some sort of luck?!" Jordan repeats, the scandalized look on his face dramatic and so over-the-top that it succeeds in making Tyler double over in laughter.

"Yes, yes," the younger affirms through his sweet, honeyed laughter, "and it truly does make my heart ache to deceive one I love so dearly, it truly does, but my victory was a mere chance of luck, an alignment of the stars."

"Stars?!" Jordan shouts before hoisting the younger up despite his shriek, throwing him over his shoulder as he dashes into their room and begins running in aimless circles. "Thou sayest thy victory was only a mere roll of the dice when I knowest thou to be one of the most talented, beautiful, heavenly individuals to ever walk this doomed earth?!"

"Stop!" Josh cries with laughter at the top of his lungs, legs kicking uselessly as Tyler watches on, giggling as Jordan runs around in a few more circles for the brunet's amusement. "Jordan, put me down!"

They collapse onto the bed as suddenly as the demand leaves Josh's lips, though they nearly miss it by a few inches and effectively give Tyler a mini heart attack.

Thankfully, both brothers end up on the mattress, out of breath and giggling like five year olds. 

"Careful!" Tyler shouts admonishingly, a few more chuckles escaping his lips as he walks over, shaking his head. "I think that's enough practicing for Josh's Shakespeare assignment for the rest of the week."

Josh smiles, giving a small thumbs up to Tyler and warming his heart.

"Coming up so easily with the stuff J and I say to one another now, I'll surely get a higher grade," Josh declares proudly, smiling over at his older brother who grins back.

"See? Don't say I never helped you," he huffs, clearly out of breath as he sits up with a grunt.

"Mhmm...I'm gonna shower," Josh declares, quickly grabbing his towel from the knob of wood on the end of his bed. He turns, waving at his brother and Tyler before he leaves, humming and skipping out happily.

Tyler sighs, watching his lavender love leave. If anyone ever told him that it would only take a few months to crack into Josh's strong yet somehow fragile shell, to bring out the sweet, happy boy he isn't so shy to be around the brunet now, Tyler would've endeavored to spend weeks at the Dun household at a time.

Not that that was possible or an option before, but it was safe to say, there was nothing that made Tyler happier than seeing Josh smile.

Jordan seems to be thinking the same, maybe in a different way but on the same train track, as he looks over at Tyler with a soft grin, the one that makes him eyes all squinty and adorable.

"You're so good with him," Tyler says, collapsing on Jordan's bed beside his best friend.

"Nah," the other boy huffs, flicking his wrist in a trying-to-be-nonchalant kind of way. "Trust me, he's the one who's good with me."

Tyler rolls his eyes, looking over silently at Jordan.

"What?" the younger boy tilts his head, face suddenly taking on a nervous quality.

Tyler smiles. "Your little brother may have beaten me in Mario Kart, but you still have yet to."

Jordan grins back. "Oh, it's on."

 

•••••••

 

Five races later, every single one beaten by a smug Tyler and lost by an increasingly frustrated Jordan, Josh walks into the room.

When Tyler gets the chance to look at him, his stomach drops, and he quickly pauses the game.

"What--?"

He nudges his best friend, not once taking his eyes off the younger boy as the latter moves around the room silently, throwing his clothes into the dirty laundry bin.

"Josh," Jordan speaks up, looking and sounding just as shocked as Tyler feels, "what are you wearing--wait, isn't that my shirt?"

Josh turns around, face clueless and innocent for a moment before he glances down at himself, seeing the large, thin shirt hanging off his shoulder, skimming his milky thighs.

His very milky, very bare thighs.

"No, this is mine."

"I'm pretty sure that's mine," Jordan frowns. "Unless you ever went to my college," he references to the name emblazoning the faded gray shirt, "and accidentally bought a shirt that was, like, four sizes too big for you."

"Oh come on," Josh whines, and he walks over to Jordan, an adorable pout on his face that Tyler would notice, if he wasn't so focused on the way Josh's bare thighs jiggled slightly as he moved, the way his collarbone stuck out on his exposed left shoulder so sharply and defined, begging to be bitten.

Tyler vaguely wonders what Josh would taste like, how quickly his tender flesh would fall from his small bones under the pressure of Tyler's sharp, crooked teeth.

He barely registers his lavender boy arguing with his best friend, his mind glued to all the exposed skin on Josh's body, the things it's purity and milkiness were begging him to do, but he's ready to speak up, to just tell Jordan to let him go and let him dress however exposed he wants to be, it's not like Tyler's complaining.

He puts his hand on Jordan's shoulder, keeping his eyes on the younger boy, "J, it's okay."

"See? Tyler's fine with it. Right, Ty?" Josh looks over at the brunet, and his eyes are glistening with hope, with a desperation Tyler would very much like to see in another situation. "I'm sure you see dudes in their underwear all the time!"

Tyler lifts an eyebrow.

Josh's eyes widen. "I mean, l-living with other people!" he scrambles to fix his sentence, his nervous stutter coming out under pressure and making him look even more adorable and helpless as he waves his hands uselessly. "Y-y'know what I mean..."

Jordan narrows his eyes, crossing his arms. "Are you even wearing underwear under that?"

"Course I am," Josh huffs, lifting up his shirt hastily to prove it, and Tyler feels his face heat up despite how quickly he looks away, not wanting to intrude and allow himself to cross that very thin line, but not before he sees a flash of pale belly skin and a few small freckles.

He hears Jordan's breath catch in his throat, followed by a relatively heavy gulp.

Tyler looks back just as he sees Josh drop his shirt's hem back down out of the corner of his eye, but he swears it's his imagination that makes him see black lace, intricate and delicate, covering Josh's thick hips. 

"Jordan, let him wear whatever he wants," Tyler murmurs, throat suddenly and incredibly dry, and his best friend looks over at him with betrayal all over his face, accompanied by a deep set frown.

"Dude," he grabs the brunet's arm and drags him closer, whispering into his ear softly, "you don't understand. I know what he's trying to do--"

Tyler frowns, "What the hell are you talking about--?"

"I can wear whatever I want," Josh declares, his arms twitching at his sides and gripping onto the hem of his long shirt. "I-I'm an adult."

"No, you're not!" Jordan protests. "Josh, you just turned seventeen, like, four months ago? Five?"

And with that, Tyler feels reality hit him in the face, landing on his chest with a weight perhaps even the mighty Mjölnir couldn't compete with. 

He looks at Josh again, who locks eyes with Tyler. The youth of his face suddenly seems so much more amplified, his full cheeks suddenly making him look years younger without the assumption of his age.

Of course he's not eighteen.

Fuck.

"J, baby," Jordan sighs heavily, grabbing Josh's thin wrist and pulling him closer. "Look at me."

Josh looks at his older brother sadly, a quiver making his sweet lips vibrate ever so slightly.

But Tyler's too busy to be enthralled with his face as one thought loops in his head, over and over. 

'I'm in love with an underage kid,' he feels the sickness rising in his throat, feels his mind sour over the fact that all he wants to do with Josh, kiss him, hold him down, eat him up, are suddenly out the window, at least for a few long months.

Just his luck.

"Promise me you aren't up to something," Jordan whispers, unaware of the situation going on beside him including Tyler being cycled through his mini crisis.

Josh frowns, looking heartbroken. "I-I don't know what you're talking about."

The older one frowns. "Alright," he sighs heavily after a few minutes, releasing Josh's delicate wrist. "I'm just... Joshie, I'm worried."

"Don't be," he whispers, and he moves closer to Jordan, descending down quietly to straddle his lap and effectively breaking Tyler out of his unpleasant reverie. "There's nothing to be worried or worked up about," Josh says softly, smiling so sweetly at his older brother as his hands come up to gently tangle in Jordan's curly hair.

Tyler suddenly feels like an intruder, like he's walking in on something private, something heavily intimate as Josh stares intently into his brother's eyes, Jordan staring back with a strange sort of fear, worry.

When Josh leans in quickly, it happens in the blink of an eye that Tyler has little time to register what's happening; Jordan moving at the last moment with practiced expertise, avoiding the younger's lips on his own and changing the target to his cheek.

When Josh lets out a tiny moan of disappointment against Jordan's skin, the older pulls him into a tight hug, designated less to show affection and more to hold the younger down.

"This is what I was talking about," Tyler hears Jordan whisper into the younger's ear before he sighs, glancing at Tyler. "Sorry," he mouths.

Tyler tilts his head, maneuvering himself on the bed to look at Josh, who's pressed against Jordan's shoulder, tears in his eyes breaking the brunet's heart and damn near convincing him it's a good idea to tell Jordan to release him.

Josh looks at Tyler though, and he sniffles.

"You're pretty," he whispers, and it's tooth-achingly sweet with the way Josh says it, so quietly like it's a secret, so shyly like he didn't mean to say it out loud.

And as much as Tyler wants to reach out, cup Josh's cheek with his hand or pull him into his own arms, he only smiles.

"You're pretty, too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fanfic is growing legs of its own and is running towards some sort of creepy threeway thing but I promise I'm not trying to make it that way ;-;
> 
> Hope you all are doing well and having a good day/night! Love you all (๑>◡<๑)（╹◡╹）♡


	12. Chapter Twelve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhh... curveball?
> 
> Josh whaddya doin my child 
> 
> (Jk I know don't worry lol)

If Tyler thought that Friday night's incident was going to be one of the more confusing things to happen over the weekend, it only took a short amount of time to realize he was wrong.

Extremely wrong, in every sense of the word.

With Jordan's parents and his other siblings (minus Josh) out of town to visit one of their distant relatives, a side of Josh suddenly seemed to be unlocked, a side Tyler never expected his angelic, pure boy to have.

And although he was nothing other than adorable and still absolutely sweet, blessing Tyler with little grins and smiles that would make his heart all gooey with affection, a difference in his behavior was starkly noticeable, in the way that, over Saturday, he became (perhaps even unknowingly to himself) slightly...risqué.

The worst thing was that Josh didn't even seem to realize it himself.

With each passing hour and becoming another bar of confidence in Josh's little booklet of behavior, Tyler began to feel the desire to carry a pitcher of ice cold water around or something, either to pour it over himself when he felt himself begin slipping or when he his throat got incredibly dry.

And he found his throat getting dry often. Incredibly so.

But who could blame him, really? 

It started when his little darling spilled milk all over himself by accident during his breakfast, tipping his cereal bowl a little too quickly and greedily that the liquid came cascading down his whole front. It wasn't long before there were tears welling up in his eyes, big, fat, miserable tears.

"'M sorry, I'm so cl-clumsy," Josh whispers, cheeks peachy and clearly embarrassed though Tyler's sure the younger could've drenched both himself and Jordan in milk on purpose and they wouldn't have complained. 

"Don't be upset, J, it was an accident," Jordan soothes before bidding him to leave for the bathroom and wash himself up while he began cleaning up the mess on the floor.

When Josh comes back, he's sniffling, hands shaking as they hold Jordan's oversized, ruined shirt, standing in the middle of the room. 

He's completely naked, save for his small black panties barely holding and hiding his dignity together. 

Tyler nearly faints at the sight.

"Uhh, Joshie," Jordan mumbles, looking away when he catches sight of the younger's exposed state and clearly equally as embarrassed as his younger brother, but perhaps for different reasons. "Wanna get some clothes?"

"No," he shakes his head, quickly dropping the shirt and rushing towards Jordan, arms wrapping tight around the older boy and hiding his face in his shoulder. "Don't wanna ruin any more clothes," he says tearily, voice childishly sorrowful and heartbreaking.

"I'm sure you won't, sweetheart," Jordan frowns, looking up at Tyler vocal affirmation, for back up on his statement but getting none.

But, again, who could blame Tyler? He still hadn't quite recovered from having seen (and from operatively still seeing) his little angel in delicate, lacy underwear.

Needless to say, it took a long while before Jordan was able to coax the younger into at least putting on a shirt, but his long, smooth legs were still exposed with how properly Josh's own shirt fit on himself, his pretty hips out in the open and barely covered.

Tyler has to force himself to look away, to give Josh the basic decency he deserves and not invade his privacy like that, but it's hard.

It becomes increasingly difficult, especially when, after ordering and devouring a pizza (and most of their emotions over the earlier situation) for lunch, he and Jordan are out of the basement, sitting in the living room on the sofas and studying their English together. 

They both hadn't seen Josh for a while, and they suspected he was in the shower or watching TV in the basement.

They were proven wrong when they heard soft footsteps in the kitchen, the freezer drawing open.

"Want a popsicle?" Josh inquires, sticking his head out of the freezer and glancing at both of them.

"No thanks," Jordan dismisses him rather quickly before he goes back to explaining a paragraph to Tyler, who, to be honest, is barely listening at this point.

He hears a few rustles in the kitchen, the garbage can opening, the water running.

It isn't long, however, until footsteps pad all the way into the living room, and Josh is suddenly beside his older brother, pushing away the book off his legs despite his protest and moving his arms out of the way before he settles into Jordan's lap comfortably, leaning his back against the older boy's chest.

"Joshie, I'm studying," he sighs, and the lavender boy glances at Tyler, who sits there staring and somewhat bewildered. 

He smiles as he twirls the cherry popsicle in his mouth with thin fingers.

"It's okay, I wanna learn too," Josh says brightly, pushing his hips back to press himself all the way up against Jordan comfortably as he glances over his shoulder. "You're probably a good teacher, aren't you, J?" he asks in a somewhat rhetorical tone as his feet move to plant themselves on the sofa on either side of himself, knees bending for leverage.

But not before his legs spread apart. Obscenely apart.

Tyler chokes and looks away, earning concerned looks from the other two in the room.

"You okay, Ty?" Jordan inquires, reaching over and grabbing his hand.

Tyler squeezes it. "Yeah," he exhales shakily, "y-yeah, I'm fine."

"You sure?" Josh frowns, and his face has nothing but genuine concern as he plucks the popsicle out of his mouth to speak more clearly. "You don't look so well."

"I'm absolutely fine!" Tyler declares although even he can tell it sounds strained, off-pitch.

Jordan nods a bit dubiously as he grabs his book again, shifting a little to get himself in a slightly more comfortable position, and the younger boy shrugs, sticking the popsicle back into his stained mouth.

And if Tyler thought it was difficult to concentrate on studies and homework before, it's nothing compared to now, with Josh's soft, audible suckling, his cherry lips and spread legs.

And if Tyler can't concentrate and it's his own homework, his own grades that are gonna suffer, Josh is even more bored, slouching against Jordan and letting his head loll back lazily on the older boy's shoulder only five minutes into Jordan's reading.

Tyler can't help but notice his neck as it stretches upwards, how pretty and soft his skin looks. He also can't help but notice how the popsicle begins melting quickly, how Josh's light and lazy suckles fail to stop it from trailing down his pale chin in tantalizing red droplets.

He'd give anything to lick them up.

Or get a glass of water for his dry throat or something. 

Thankfully, it's not long before Jordan declares they take a break, clearly fed up with enough literature for the day as he pushes the book aside. 

He puts his hands gently on Josh's hips and gives Tyler a desperate look, one that's begging him to give Jordan an excuse to move the younger off of him, and Tyler thinks desperately.

A small, stupid part of him thinks that, maybe, if Jordan pushes him off, Josh might try to sit on his lap too.

Or next to him at least.

"Oh, hey, Josh?" 

Josh glances at him, seeming a little perked up at the sudden attention being offered. "Huh?"

Tyler gets out his phone, opening his music app and clicking the shuffle button hastily. 

Immediately, Britney Spears begins playing, and Josh looks just as surprised as Tyler feels at the unexpected song.

He lets out a giggle though, and it's enough of fuel Tyler's courage as he asks, "Do you know this song?"

"Yeah, I've listened to 'Toxic' before," he beams before his eyes light up. "Let's dance!"

At first, Tyler feels thrilled that Josh had picked up on his intentions to get him off of Jordan, but it quickly melts away when, instead of rolling off of his older brother like Tyler expected, Josh remains planted in his lap, his delicate arms coming out to the sides instead as he shimmies and begins rolling his hips.

Tyler feels his face redden immediately.

"Woah, J," Jordan sounds choked at the sudden movement. "Baby--"

"What?" the younger boy inquires, and there's no way he can look so innocent, so sweet while he moves his hips in such a suggestive way, but he does, grabbing Jordan's hands and wrapping his arms around his own, small waist. "Don't you wanna dance with me?" he murmurs breathily.

"Maybe if you could stop cutting off the circulation of my legs," Jordan says weakly.

Josh simply giggles, and he looks so unaware, like he doesn't know how indecent he's being at the moment and just enjoying his innocent, ignorant bliss.

It's worse when one of his hands come up to drag his popsicle in and out of his mouth, a few muffled moans slipping out of his red lips as he shivers.

Tyler's never wanted to run away more in his life, while having the other half of himself wanting nothing more than to stay and watch the show his lavender boy is putting on, and it's confusing, to say the least.

He can't even see Jordan's frantic looks and small, helpless movements to get his attention, to break him out of his frozen state.

But when Josh wiggles his way into the right spot, pressing right into Jordan as he swivels his hips almost aggressively, the older boy quickly throws his worries and resignations aside.

"Okay, okay, that's enough," Jordan gasps, pulling his arms away from the younger and placing his hands gently on his hips, lifting him and placing him on the sofa.

"Hey!" Josh giggles, "I wasn't finished."

"It's okay, I think that's enough exercise for you," Jordan mumbles before he looks over at the still frozen Tyler.

He rolls his eyes, snatching his phone and shutting off the music, throwing the accursed device to bounce away, far away, on the couch.

"Did you like my moves?" Josh inquires, looking proud. "I practiced, can you tell?"

"That's...uh...that's great, baby," Jordan ruffles his hair, inching away in what had to be the most subtle way on planet earth.

Josh only giggles before he scoots closer, paying no mind or perhaps not even recognizing the tension in the air as he wraps his arms around his older brother in a side hug.

"Love you," he mumbles as he blushes, pressing his face against Jordan's side.

The older Dun reluctantly wraps an arm around him, drawing him close as he sighs and looks at Tyler, apologies and love swimming in his eyes. 

The worst thing about it is that Tyler doesn't even notice. 

 

•••••••

 

When Tyler wakes up that night, surroundings pitch black, the evening set deeply in the silent air, there are soft voices, piercing through the thin veil of silence.

"Joshie, c'mon...I'm tired and I'm perfectly comfortable sleeping here."

"But I'm cold!" the younger's slightly higher voice complains, the small crack at the end making Tyler's lips upturn at the adorableness. 

"Then put on some pants?"

"Jordan, please... I miss you.."

Jordan sighs heavily, and the brunet feels him shift over to lie closer to Tyler after a moment of hesitation, his shoulder bumping into Tyler's.

"Fine... if you want to sleep with me, you gotta sleep here--"

By the sounds of it, Josh interrupts his older brother, quickly rushing into the bed and making the mattress bounce lightly with his hasty movements.

Tyler feels a heat spread over his face as Josh's thin arms wrap around his best friend barely a few inches away, his small hands pressing against the brunet's arm.

Each thin bone sticks and burns into Tyler's skin, his small, trimmed nails cold like metal and warm like rust.

The air's quiet once again, and Tyler thinks they are set and ready to fall asleep, the heater in the top of the right corner ceiling humming quietly.

Tyler closes his eyes, trying to ignore the fact that Josh is only a few feet away, lying on the same mattress and under the same sheets as him.

But before long, there's a small rustling of the sheets, the scent of Jordan's vanilla and woodsy musk combined with Josh's peachy deliciousness bursting in the air with each of their small movements, and Josh's small voice is speaking up again.

"Thanks for letting me--"

"Don't you dare," he hears Jordan whisper, and Tyler's taken aback from the unfamiliar, sharp edge in his best friend's words. 

There's a pause.

"Jor--"

"No," the older whispers. "Not tonight. Not with...Tyler here."

"But--"

"Josh, he's literally pressed against me right now and I'm sure you feel him here too," and there's that rare yet familiar stern tone in his best friend's voice, the one that doesn't leave any room for argument. "We're not gonna--"

"I'm sure he'll be okay with it," Josh reassures in his usual sweet whisper. "He's so sweet and nice...I like him much more than your other friends."

He hears a tired, borderline irritated but mostly exasperated groan. "Darling--"

"Just one, J," the younger promises, and Tyler can practically hear him fluttering his eyes in that intoxicating way he normally does when asking for something. "Please, please.."

Nearly two minutes of radio silence later, the nearly audible war waged in Jordan's mind filling the static, he sighs out a quiet "Fine."

Tyler quickly opens his eyes, and at first, he only sees darkness, barely able to pick up on the scarce light. But it's not long before he can see the outlines of Josh, leaning up on an elbow against his older brother's chest, his nose pressed against Jordan's.

"Thank you," Josh whispers, voice light and breathy before he lowers down.

He feels his breath get caught in his throat as Josh's lips descend to meet Jordan's unresponsive ones, a soft, light hum of contentment vibrating between their mouths.

Tyler can see Jordan's hand push at the lavender boy's shoulder a few moments later, but the younger doesn't relent, his arms tightening around the older's neck as he tries to deepen their gentle kiss, a muffled whine escaping his lips.

"J-sh," the older mumbles, pushing firmer and firmer until he practically shoves Josh off. 

"C'mon, J, I miss you," Josh mewls sadly like a little kitten, tugging weakly at Jordan's shirt. 

"Josh--"

"I-I'm sure Tyler would let me kiss him if I asked," the lavender boy says surely, though his stutter makes him trip over the statement just enough to make it sound dubious. 

"You stay away from him," Jordan says sternly, and Tyler can't tell if it's rings of protectiveness lacing the older Dun's voice or if it's something else. "Now, go to sleep."

"But--"

"You got your goodnight kiss, Joshua."

There's a small, petulant whine.

"Fine," Josh huffs, and Tyler hears him get out of bed, feels his weight lift from the mattress as his best friend sighs deeply.

"Baby, get back here."

"No," Tyler hears from the other side of the room accompanied by a few stomps heading towards Josh's bed. "You clearly don't want me still so I'm just gonna leave."

"Josh."

This time, complete silence answers Jordan, and he huffs, sounding exasperate and tired. 

Tyler feels him roll over, feels his best friend's arms wind around his waist, his chin finding a comfortable crook to rest in between Tyler's neck and his shoulder.

His breath is warm and gentle as it blows past Tyler's ear, and the latter exhales slowly, tries to keep his breathing as even as possible and ignore the little voice in his head demanding to unveil the truth, to sit up and declare that he's heard everything (yet not enough at the same time) and demand an explanation.

The prospect of confronting them is so tempting, so alluring, promising rest for his confused and questioning mind, yet it's terrifying at the same time, the hidden cost of perhaps ruining everything (though Tyler doesn't really know exactly what he could be ruining) attached to the idea on a highlighted tag.

They're both asleep by the time Tyler's made up his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'then put on some pants' jordan dun solvin problems 2k18
> 
> No but really I just want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for everything. I don't think you know how much you all mean to me, how much your sweet words motivate me to write more and write better. It really does touch me when you guys spend five seconds or five minutes typing out something for me to read, and it makes my day so much better knowing I can make things that you guys enjoy. Please know how much I appreciate you all!
> 
> Anyways, now that that's off my chest :) thank you as always for reading! I love ya and hope you have an amazing Sunday ♡


	13. Chapter Thirteen.

When he wakes, he's alone.

He rubs his eyes, the sleep sand minimal but annoying as he rolls out of bed, walking over to the basement door with heavy steps.

He goes to the bathroom, ready to splash icy water on his face and wake the frick up, a usual ritual he always found himself performing in the early mornings.

His plans are shot down however, when he nears the bathroom door and hears muffled arguing.

Tyler frowns, feeling slightly more awake as he tiptoes to the door without much thought, his curiosity being the first instinct he goes with.

When he presses his ear to the door, he can clearly hear Jordan's low, quiet voice, Josh's heavy, ragged breathing.

"--lease, calm down, Joshie," he pleads, and Tyler can just see the way his hands are lifted in his usual manner of surrender, "I understand why you're upset but you're really worked up right now."

"Why do you keep coming back here if you hate me?" Josh cries, voice high-strung like a ukulele string tuned too tightly, the waver in his words making Tyler's heart ache. "All I try to do is make you happy--"

"So trying to get me to make out with you last night was for my happiness?"

"I wasn't--" Josh stutters, and Tyler can imagine the wild peachy blush across his face, the way his mouth hangs open as his brain works overtime. "I wasn't trying to make you--d-damn it, Jordan--"

"Language." 

And if things weren't so intense, Tyler probably would've burst out laughing.

"I just want to be close to you again!" Josh shouts, immediately followed by a sharp hushing noise, though he doesn't seem to take it to heart as he continues on the same volume. "I don't know w-what's sparked your interest in actually coming home when it's not a certain holiday or some sort of special occasion, but I'm sorry if it was so p-preposterous to think that maybe you wanted to spend time with me after avoiding me all these years!"

"Josh--"

"And it sucks that after all this time, you don't seem to m-miss me or want me anymore so it's fine!" Josh shouts angrily. "This works out p-perfectly for you but I don't want to see you around here a-anymore!"

Jordan's voice cracks in the familiar way it does when he's near tears, and Tyler's heart burns. "Baby, please don't say that--"

Tyler hears the door knob begin rattling and he quickly bolts away, running back to the basement as fast as he can.

He has just enough time to dive into Jordan's bed and pull the blankets over himself before he hears two people approaching the basement quickly.

His heart aches as he hears Josh run in, slamming the heavy door and turning the lock quickly as he sobs, his mouth muffling his pained cries as heavy fists thud only a second later.

"Josh, open the door--"

"No!" the younger screams. "F-fucking leave!"

"Baby, please--"

"Leave!"

He hears a heavy sigh, the reluctance in Jordan's steps as he slowly walks away. 

Tyler gulps, sits up slowly. His eyes catch Josh, the younger's back facing him as his face is hidden in his hands, shoulders shaking as little sobs escape his lips.

He's probably so upset he doesn't realize Tyler's in the room.

"Oh sweetheart," he finds himself sighing under his breath as his heart takes over his body, his feet landing softly on the ground as he moves over to his broken, lavender boy.

He doesn't know what possesses him, what gives him the bold enthusiasm to wrap his arms around Josh without a second thought.

And it's much too soon, a flash of warmth in his heart as Josh is shaking in his arms for a moment, his other senses blacking out for a moment.

But then hands shove him away, a frightened shriek piercing and curing his deafness.

Josh stares at him with wide, scared, teary eyes, his little chest panting up and down.

"I--" Tyler swallows, his words lost. "I-I'm sorry--"

Josh lets out a sob, and he quickly rushes forward. 

Tyler steps out of the way quickly, thinking the poor boy's just trying to get to his bed, and when Josh does, he makes a spectacle of it without probably meaning to, throwing himself dramatically as he sobs heavily. He lands face-first into the mattress, his little body bouncing from the impact a few times before he's settled in.

Tyler gulps, watching the younger cry for a few moments, heart aching but not truly knowing what was the right thing to do in the situation.

Delicacy is perhaps the name of the game, Tyler decides, and he walks over slowly, sitting on the floor just by Josh's bed, a comfortable foot away to ensure the younger wouldn't freak out. 

"Josh?" 

The younger doesn't respond, simply continues his heavy weeping, and Tyler frowns.

"Joshie?" he says a little louder though he keeps his tone mellow, soft, and calm. 

It takes a few minutes, but Tyler waits patiently, watching as Josh slowly sits up, rubbing his almond eyes into nothingness as he heaves.

"Sweetheart," Tyler's unable to stop himself from letting the pet name slip out, but he feels his soul twist at the sight of his lavender love crying like it's the end of the world. Josh's smile may have been the best and most beautiful thing to ever exist, but him crying? 

That was on another level.

"I-I'm sorry," the younger rubs his eyes violently. "I don't mean to c-cry so much."

"Hey, it's okay.. but--" Tyler pauses, wondering if he should lead Josh on to the fact that he knows what's wrong. "Umm..." Bad idea. "What's wrong?" he decides.

Josh stares silently, shaking. "He..." his breath catches and he inhales in a strange, quickened hiccup kind of way. "He h-hates me," he cries, burying his face in his hands again and starting to sob.

"Oh sweetie, no," Tyler touches the back of his ankle, and it's so soft, so pale and delicate like the rest of his joints that he only dares to run his fingertips over it, lest he chances breaking it. Josh doesn't seem to mind or even notice, just crying into his little palms. "Jordan doesn't hate you."

"B-but he does!" the younger sobs. "He hates me and I don't know what to do anymore..."

"He doesn't hate you, Joshie. Your older brother loves you to death, he told me so himself." The younger shakes his head emphatically. "Why do you say that?"

"B-because he won't..." Josh gulps in some air in between his words and his sobs, running the back of his hand against his wet cheeks. "He doesn't w-want to touch me or hug me or have a-anything to do with me.."

"That's not true," the brunet protests as he shakes his head, standing up and slowly sitting by Josh. "You know he loves holding you and kissing you...it's just--"

"H-he finds me for w-what I am now?" Josh asks, and his eyes are wide with horror, voice shaking like he's begging Tyler to tell him it's not true.

"What?"

"I'm disgusting," Josh cries.

"What?!" Tyler can't help but be aghast, feel like Josh just blasphemed the high heavens. Never before did he think he would ever hear the most angelic, beautiful creature on earth accuse himself of such a thing, but here they were. "Disgusting?"

"I'm so u-ugly and awkward a-and sensitive!" Josh declares in a pained voice. "Why am I surprised that he--"

"Josh, look at me," Tyler says sternly, hating the words that are coming out of the younger's sweet mouth. He's whiteknuckling the sheets just to stop himself from grabbing the lavender boy by his shoulders and shaking some sense into him. "You aren't ugly! And those other things you said about yourself? They're not bad traits."

"Y-you're just trying to make me feel better.."

"No," Tyler sighs. "Damn it, Josh, I wish you could see yourself from my eyes..." Josh's eyes widen, and Tyler tries to correct himself quickly before the younger has time to mull over what he accidentally said. "I mean, from the world's eyes."

Josh glances at him, tilting his head, hands lowering to his lap. His eyes are red and puffy, his face blotchy and streaked with tears.

He's never looked more beautiful. 

"But...." he sniffles. "I'm so pale, and pasty.. and m-my nose is too big and my eyes are too small and my hair," he laughs, and Tyler's heart hurts at the familiar, self-deprecating quality it has. "I tried to d-dye my hair just to make it look a little better but it's fading and it's making me even more pale and ugly."

"Josh, do you even hear yourself?" Tyler can't help but let the desperation leak into his voice, the utter need to prove to Josh how wrong he was showing up clearly like the light of day. "Are you fricking kidding me?"

Josh looks down, and Tyler, unable to help himself, lets his fingers wander over to rest under his chin.

His neck and chin are so soft, so perfectly sculpted on top of Tyler's fingertips; he bites his lip hard as he imagines pressing kisses to Josh's beautiful skin and sucking dark marks into its milkiness.

"Look at me, sweetheart," he whispers, and Josh doesn't seem scared this time, obediently glancing up with his honest, teary caramel eyes.

"You're the most beautiful person I've ever seen," he confesses, and Josh's eyes widen, like he can't believe what Tyler just said. "It's true," he sighs. "Josh, your skin is so perfect, so ivory and pale. Do you know what people would give just to have skin like yours?"

Josh blinks.

"And your eyes, they're adorable when you squint and they get all small, and they're beautiful when you open them, because you know what I see?"

The younger shakes his head reluctantly. 

"I see a universe, J," he says softly, and even just looking into the younger's eyes now, the shininess of the tears amplifies it's beauty. "It's so caramel and chocolate and perfect."

"L-like a Milky Way?" Josh whispers, and Tyler's heart aches at how cute he is, how soft and unbelieving his voice sounds. "Y'know, th-the candy bar with the chocolate and caramel?"

Tyler's sure his heart explodes. "Yeah, sweetie," he laughs softly, and his fingers trail from his chin, stroking up his jawline slowly. He sighs.

"You're so beautiful, Josh," he says honestly as the younger blushes.

"You think so?" he whispers.

"I know so," the brunet confirms, and Josh sighs, face taking on a bit of a hopeless expression.

"I--I wish Jordan thought so..."

"I know he means the world to you.." Tyler frowns, his thumb unknowingly stroking across the younger's jawline. "And he thinks the same of you, sweetheart. He loves you and he's only trying to look out for you, y'know?"

Josh just shrugs, like he knows it'll be easier to just not argue and keep his mouth shut.

"J, I'm...not sure what exactly he said to upset you," he feels the guilty heavy on his soul when Josh looks at him with those innocent, trusting eyes, but what is he supposed to do? Admit he's spent night and morning eavesdropping? "But don't let it cause you to question his love for you, okay?"

Josh sighs heavily, hands burying into his shirt and twisting it nervously in his delicate fists.

Tyler tries not to look at those delicious thighs, heaven help him, he really does. 

"I--I just..." Josh lets out a frustrated, soft sound, almost like the mewl of an upset kitten. "My older brother...he's the only person who..I kn-know for sure loves me. But I'm scared..."

"Why, sweetheart?" Tyler frowns, heart aching at the way Josh's sweet face twists up.

"He's gonna stop kissing me one day..and then he's gonna stop hugging me..and then he's gonna..he's gonna leave," Josh whispers, and the tears that well up in his eyes are large and burning, making his perfect lips quiver as he adds quietly, "just like he did last time."

"Josh, sweetheart," Tyler can't help but place a hand on the younger boy's back, and he doesn't seem to mind, barely flinching as his fists untwist out of his shirt and come up to rub his teary eyes. "He's not gonna leave you, silly. He loves you too much...he's always loved you, okay?"

Josh just sniffs and nods, and he looks much too upset for Tyler's liking, shaking and letting out soft sobs that the older boy knows it's time to stop talking about the situation, lest he risks pouring gasoline over the fire already burning. 

He sits there, gently caressing Josh's back as he cries into his hands, each tear rolling down his cheek a stab to the brunet's heart.

He wants nothing more than to wipe away the lavender boy's tears like early morning dew, and pull him into his arms where he can keep him safe, away from pain and fear.

"It's okay, Joshie," he soothes. "I know you think he's the only one who loves you, but there are so many people.. so many people who would be willing to show you love if you'd only let them."

That seems to catch the lavender boy's attention, as a sob gets stuck in his throat, turning into more of a distressed hiccup as he looks at Tyler with red eyes. 

"W-would you?" he whispers.

Tyler feels himself freeze.

"Uh..uhh..." he stutters, speech taken away as Josh tilts his head, sniffling a little. "C-course," he decides shakily, hoping it sounds much more causal than it feels. 

Josh's face remains a bit neutral, if not for the familiar soft glow that crosses his cheeks.

"Uh..I'll just.." Tyler gulps. "Y-you probably want some privacy, huh?"

The younger boy nods slowly, swallowing a little.

"Alright, I'll just--" Tyler gives Josh a couple of robotic pats on the back once he realizes how long his hand remained still, and walks over a bit awkwardly to the door. 

Just as he opens it, Josh speaks up, voice cracking softly. 

"Tyler?...thank you."

The brunet smiles, looks back at Josh.

"You're welcome.. take it easy, okay?"

Josh nods solemnly, looking petite and adorable in is large bed as he runs the back of his hand across his face, and Tyler's heart simultaneously cracks and mends at the sight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for spilling your feelings Ty
> 
> It's about to get messy again next week
> 
> (Im scared)
> 
> Hope you all are doing well! Love you all!!!


	14. Chapter Fourteen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been having some serious case of writers block and it's like I'm starting to realize how much I suck at writing...
> 
> Please bear with me :(

"--and it's so annoying, like, who does Melanie think she is?" Brendon stomps his foot as they walk in a somewhat childish manner. "She's just jealous, isn't she? I mean--Josh?"

"Huh?"

Brendon frowns. "You haven't been listening to me this whole time, have you?"

"S-sorry," the younger boy admits, shrugging a bit bashfully as he pauses at his locker and opens it. "I'm just a little distracted."

"I can tell," the senior says with a mischievous smile, leaning against the nearby lockers and crossing his arms as he watches the seventeen year old. "What's on your mind?"

"Something personal," Josh confesses, though he can't help but grin at the horrified look that crosses the older boy's face.

"Personal? Since when did we keep secrets from each other?" Brendon gasps dramatically, mouth agape as Josh continues rifling through his locker. Where on earth did his spare pencil disappear off to? "I demand you tell me this instance, Joshua William Dun, or we're not best friends from now on!"

"Oh come on!" Josh giggles, too used to Brendon's often over-the-top claims to take his threat too seriously. "Everyone has secrets, Bren."

"Yeah well, we've shared everything since first grade when we met 'cause I began crying when I lost my yogurt at lunch and you graciously shared yours with me!" Brendon frowns as his statement only succeeds in drawing out more giggles from the lavender-headed boy. "Now come on, be reasonable and tell Daddy."

"Don't call yourself that," Josh scrunches up his nose, finally grabbing hold of his rogue pencil all the way at the back of his unorganized locker. 

Another defiant stomp. "Then tell me!"

"Okay, okay!" the younger boy rolls his eyes, sighing heavily. 

"Does it have to do with your older brother again?" Brendon inquires as they find a small gap in the sea of teenagers and begin walking again.

"Kinda...but it's more so his best friend that I'm thinking about.."

Brendon tilts his head, a thoughtful look on his face. "Taylor?"

"Tyler," Josh corrects, steps subconsciously growing smaller and slower as he moves to walk behind the older boy, the unease of pushing through people and the probability of others doing the same to him too worrying to deal with. 

Brendon's used to it though, simply continuing to push through the sea of teenagers as Josh holds onto one of the lapels of his backpack.

"What about him?" he inquires. "Didn't you say he was cute or some shit?"

"Brendon!" Josh hisses, slapping the backpack half-heartedly as he glances around. 

"What? It's not like anyone around here knows him," the older boy retorts. "Heaven knows this school needs more cute people besides you and me."

Josh giggles, rolling his eyes. 

"But what's up with him?" Brendon throws a slightly worried look over his shoulder. "He's not giving you trouble, is he?"

"No, no," Josh shakes his head. "Quite the opposite, really.." 

The older boy frowns. "Then...what's up?" 

"He's just.." Josh sighs, head working at a hundred miles per hour as he tries to put his feelings into words.

Brendon's silent, still continuing to push through people and letting the younger boy think, knowing how difficult it sometimes was for Josh to communicate. 

"He's...sweet...like, too sweet," Josh decides, a strangely sick feeling rolling in his belly at how mean the statement sounds. "I mean, I'm sure he's just naturally a very nice and considerate person but sometimes he says things that make me wonder--"

Suddenly, Brendon pauses, turning around and letting the younger run right into his chest.

"Hey--"

He grabs Josh's wrist tightly, dragging him off to the hallway corridor where there are less people, where it's a little quieter. 

Josh tries not to panic, he really does, chanting in his head over and over that it's just Brendon, his best friend, someone he's known for years, but by the time Brendon gently backs the younger up into the wall, Josh is already letting out shaky breaths.

Brendon notices his panic though, and he steps away, quietly watching the lavender boy for a moment, knowing he needed silence and space whenever he was close to having a panic attack.

It takes a while of Josh fighting his inner monologue screaming at him, wiping away the large, red letters that form and spell 'danger' in Josh's mind, before he can breathe steadily again.

"S-sorry," he stutters out once he catches his breath, cheeks flushing warm with embarrassment as Brendon seems to let out the sigh he'd been holding in, looking relieved as he touches Josh's elbow gently. 

"No, I'm sorry," he shakes his head. "That was dumb of me, just grabbing your arm."

Josh shrugs, looking down at his feet. "Why'd you pull me in this hallway, again?" he asks softly.

"Oh," Brendon frowns, crossing his arms, suddenly looking a bit confused. "...What were you saying about Tyler again?"

"That he's really nice and--"

"Josh, how nice is he to you?" the senior interrupts, grabbing him by the shoulders but keeping his grip gentle, knowing even the slightest change of pressure could freak the younger out. "Does he compliment you or try to touch you or stuff?"

"Y-yeah, kinda," Josh stutters, blinking nervously as his best friend stares hard at him. 

"He likes you," Brendon says simply after a few moments of reflection, dropping his hands from Josh's shoulders. 

"What?!" Josh cries, and the thought makes his stomach roll in a strange way, a weird warmth igniting in his chest and his cheeks. "No, no, that's not possible."

"J, everyone's in love with you, you're frickin' irresistible," Brendon rolls his eyes, adjusting the backpack straps on his shoulders. "Even I'm in love with you."

"No, you're in love with yourself," Josh corrects, scoffing as realization seem to cross the senior's face.

"Oh right," he laughs. "My mistake. I forgot you took second place to my magnificent forehead, sorry."

"I'm aware of that," Josh giggles.

"But really, c'mon, Josh, how crazy is the thought? Really?" the senior shrugs, quickly switching back to the subject before they got too sidetracked (which happened more often than not). "You're cute and adorable, and from what I hear, this Taylor--"

"Tyler."

"--Tyler dude is hot too," Brendon smiles, interrupting sharply as Josh opens his mouth. "And yes, you've admitted it before, I didn't just make that shit up."

"Brendon.." Josh whines, burying his burning face in his palms as the older boy laughs, throwing his arm around the younger's shoulders and leading them out of the corridor. "I can't have my older brother's best friend falling in love with me."

"Why on earth not?"

"'Cause I think Jordan likes him," Josh sighs heavily, nodding as Brendon's mouth forms a soft 'O'. "And besides," he continues, "I don't think I'm ready for a relationship."

"Except with your older brother," his best friend mumbles under his breath.

"Excuse me?"

"What, you don't hear yourself when you talk about Jordan?" Brendon's brows knit. "It's like you wanna screw him or something."

"Brendon, that's not true!" Josh shouts, immediately deflating as a few kids look his way. 

He slows down, trails shyly behind the taller boy and away from prying eyes.

"That's not true," he repeats softer. "I-I know it's probably weird when I talk about him but I just...you know how much he means to me."

A sigh. "I know."

"And besides, family's all that matters to me right now, and I think that'll stay the same forever, or at least, a really long time."

Brendon doesn't look like he understands much, never having had a strong or stable family life before, but at least he tries to see the younger' point of view, mumbling out a slightly dubious, "Yeah..."

They walk in silence for a while, and Josh thinks Brendon has dropped the subject (or more so hopes) before the older boy pipes up again nearly at a surprising and deafening volume:

"I know!"

Josh jumps, heart beating out of his chest and looking around quickly, noticing the few students staring at them.

"Brendon!" he admonishes quietly, though it goes disregarded as the senior spins around to face Josh, smiling largely as he continues to walk backwards.

"You said Jordan likes Tyler, right?"

Josh tilts his head. "Well..yeah, I think so--"

"And you wanna get big brother's attention again, right?!"

"It'd be nice--"

"Then you get his attention!" Brendon throws his hands up, eyes twinkling like he found the cure to bring the dead back to life.

Josh tilts his head, the enthusiasm in Brendon's face sparking a nervous feeling in his chest. "...how?"

"Make him jealous!" he smiles, looking like a mad man. "Throw yourself over Tyler in your adorable, sweet boy kind of way and make him fall even more for you. That'll make Jordan mad because he not only likes Tyler but you're gonna be focusing your affection on someone else!"

Josh gasps. "Brendon!" 

"Give him something to miss, make him feel empty without your sweet kisses and your adorable hugs!" The older boy waves his hands like he's giving away the recipe to a magical spell. "It's bound to work!"

Josh blinks, feeling somewhat horrified at the thought yet a small part of him can't deny how perfect his best friend's idea seems. "That's.. Brendon, that's..."

"It's perfect, Josh, think about it! You go through with this for, what, a few weeks at the most? Then Jordan will be all over you again and you won't be sad or frustrated," Brendon grins wide, nodding as Josh puts his hand to his chin thoughtfully.

"I...I don't know, that's a little mean.." Josh sighs. "Isn't there another way to do this, y'know? Without..tricking anyone?"

"J, trust me, this is the only way," Brendon rolls his eyes. "Now what do you say?"

And as attractive as the idea seems, something is squeaking in Josh's ear, telling him that it's a royally screwed up plan, to play Tyler's feelings and flirt with him just to try to make his older brother jealous.

And although Josh has to admit, the idea of embracing Tyler and kissing him isn't the least appealing thing he could be doing (extremely far from it, really), a part of him is nervous to be that bold, to be so daring and push his own comfort zones aside.

There's a reason he doesn't let anyone besides his family and his best friend touch him all that often.

Either way, Brendon's smiling wide at him, nodding encouragingly as he mulls over the idea, and that's all it takes for memories of being held and loved completely by someone he desired and trusted so deeply to flash in his brain.

"I don't know...I'll think about it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Brendon's an evil genius, can you tell?)
> 
> Thank you all for reading; I hope you have the most awesome day/night and I'll see you all next week (if I make it to then). 
> 
> Love you!


	15. Chapter Fifteen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If this seems kinda drawn out, please know it's not on purpose ;-; idk why my mind is always on the slow burn setting but it just is.. apologies.

"Is he okay?"

Jordan sighs, staring at the basement door for a few moments.

"I don't know, I mean, I talked to him over the phone earlier this week," he answers, though from the looks of it, he seems just as nervous as Tyler feels.

They both stand still for a couple of moments before the younger of the two shakes his head and pushes the door open, throwing hesitation aside and entering the room.

Josh sits on his bed, not bothering to look up from his algebra book at the intruders.

"Hey, Josh."

Tyler frowns when the younger doesn't respond or show any signs of having heard his older brother, glancing at the now worried looking Jordan. 

The older Dun responds by walking over, gripping the lavender boy by his shoulders and pulling him into a hug.

Neither of them expect him to shove the Jordan away, looking up with the face that scarily resembled a disturbed, annoyed kitten. 

Jordan looks surprised. "J--"

"Don't touch me," he demands, and he looks so adorable as he crosses his arms (at least in Tyler's opinion), glaring up at the older boy defiantly with his brows knit together, coffee eyes squinted just the tiniest bit. 

Jordan opens his mouth, glancing helplessly between his brother and his best friend.

Tyler feels equally flabbergasted, and although a part of him can't deny how cute Josh looks upset (or any other time, really), this side of the younger boy, this angry, defiant side, is completely opposite to the usual shy and sweet boy Tyler's used to.

Jordan's lost for words, opening his mouth a few times and closing it when he can't find words. "But.. but Josh--"

The younger boy stands up, pushing Jordan out of the way and walking over to Tyler.

The brunet feels nervous, the uncertainty building up in him with each step Josh takes.

The younger boy looks a little anxious too, a little lost but continues on his direct path to Tyler determinedly.

Frozen to the spot, Tyler remains like a statue, hardly even breathing as Josh comes close to him, perhaps only a few inches away when he pauses his advancements.

He's shaking, bless his tiny heart, hands vibrating as they come up and grip Tyler's forearms.

There's a moment of silence that seems to last for nearly a century, with the brunet just barely breathing and the younger trembling, staring into one another's eyes.

Up close, Tyler can see the green flecks of emerald, the gold swirled into the gorgeous chocolate of his eyes.

There's something else too, something so familiar yet unplaceable that it has Tyler leaning in, fueled by curiosity to just dissect that characteristic, that vibrant aspect, shining so intensely in Josh's eyes that he just needs to see it closer, figure it out.

But Josh's eyes come close before he knows, and he's pulling Tyler weakly into his arms, a little mewl escaping his mouth as their warm bodies press.

And if Tyler thought he couldn't breathe earlier, he's suffocating at this point, with Josh so small and warm, pressed delicately against him as his equally fragile arms wrap shyly and hesitantly around the older.

This is the moment Tyler's dreamed of, one among many others, and the irony is he can't even find it in himself to move, to do or say anything.

But when Josh lets out a tiny sigh, his grip on the back of Tyler's shirt loosening, the brunet goes into panic, the younger's fleeting warmth a literal nightmare for him, and he finds it in his useless arms to wrap around Josh tightly.

When he buries his face in Josh's hair, it's the soft heaven he dreamed of, silky lavender Tyler just wants to drown it.

It's only at that moment does he realize how much the younger is shaking, the shudders running through his body large and somewhat worrying.

"Josh?" he murmurs softly into his curly, lavender hair, gasping as the younger boy pulls away quickly, stalking carefully past Tyler and avoiding any other contact as he leaves the room quietly.

It's deathly silent in the basement for a few long moments, and Tyler's afraid to turn around, to face his best friend.

He can already feel the hurt and confusion rolling off of Jordan in waves, and that fact is confirmed when he turns, seeing the look on the other boy's face.

"Jordan," he sighs softly, so quietly, afraid to disturb the absolute nothingness in the air that's somehow making the situation everything it is, walking towards the younger.

"He's mad," Jordan says shortly, seeming extremely lost for words as he sinks down, sitting on Josh's bed as a blank look begins overtaking his features.

"Oh Jordan, no," Tyler quickly rushes to the other boy's side, quickly recognizing the signs in his best friend's body and facial language spelling out ruination. He grabs Jordan's hand tightly as he sinks beside him on the bed, quickly placing a hand on the younger's back and hoping it'll ground him. "J, look at me."

It happens slowly, the way he hesitantly turns his head, lip quivering as he whispers, "He's really mad, Ty...at me."

"Sweetheart, no, that's not true," Tyler murmurs, quickly stroking one of his chocolate curls out of his pale face and tucking it behind his ear. "What'd he say to you when you talked to him over the phone, anyway?"

"He didn't say a lot..." Jordan shrugs helplessly, and Tyler feels his heart ache at how hurt he looks. "I... I don't know, Ty.. fuck, I don't know, he's never been mad at me... Not since--"

He stops abruptly, a faraway look glazing over his dark irises. 

"Jordan?"

Silence responds to Tyler's call, and the older boy gulps, knowing how difficult it became to snap his best friend out of his sorrow-induced, trancelike state whenever it happened to come about.

"J, come back to me," Tyler murmurs, and he cups his face gently, forcing the younger to make eye contact with him. "C'mon, sweetheart, it's okay..."

"I was trying," Jordan whispers, that trembling edge creeping into his voice as another harbinger of doom. "I was just trying to find a balance and make him happy, but..."

Tyler frowns. "But?"

"I fucked up, Ty," he buries his head in his hands, starting to shake. "I've r-ruined everything--"

"That's not true," Tyler says softly, quietly getting to his knees in front of the younger boy and pushing his hands through his curly hair, soothing him in a way that usually helped. He presses his forehead gently to Jordan's when he begins to cry, not quite sobbing but instead, shuddering gasps come through every now and then as a northern downpour takes place on his cheeks.

"I've upset him," Jordan declares through his tears, voice stuffy and sad.

"Baby, no," Tyler pulls him into his arms, stroking the expanse of his back as he thinks and thinks. He lets the younger cry for a little, heart frowning at each tear drop shed by his poor Jordan. 

"I know," he says after a long moment, pulling back despite Jordan's whine and desperate attempt to keep him close. "If time doesn't wear off Josh's behavior, I'll try to talk to him, okay?" 

Jordan shrugs, sniffling as he looks away.

"Hey...come on, sweetheart," Tyler murmurs, bringing his hand up and stroking his fingertips alongside his sharp jawline. 

It reminds Tyler of when he touched Josh the same way only a week earlier, and the parallel warms his heart. He can squint his eyes just enough to make his vision blurry, to see a much younger and more lavender boy than the one in front of him.

It makes him smile, fuels his desire and his reason as he moves forward, kissing Jordan's forehead lovingly. 

"Chin up, baby," he murmurs. "Things will be okay."

 

•••••••

 

Tyler's devastated.

I mean, he understands, who wouldn't? After basically being condemned and rejected by his own little brother over the weekend, there was no way Jordan would want to go back the next following set of Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.

However, Tyler's understanding outlook on the whole situation did not mean he suddenly lost his selfish side, did not quell his desire to go see his angel.

He contemplates going by himself but he also knows that it would be strange to show up at Jordan's house without his best friend, not to mention slightly inappropriate, so he resigns himself to a dreary and dry week without seeing his angel.

It's hard to hide his disappointment, not only from his housemates but especially from Jordan, who seems to be clinging onto him more and more over the week.

Not that Tyler minded, of course.

He runs his hands through Jordan's soft curly hair, closes his eyes and breathes him, trying to pretend it's Josh, and his lavender hair, and his peachy scent.

But it never helps when he opens his eyes, heart dipping a little in disappointment whenever he sees Jordan cuddled up against his side, or lying on his chest.

It makes him feel guilty, to be fantasizing about his Jordan's younger brother when it's his best friend who's currently curled up next to him, and it doesn't help that he feels like he's betraying Jordan somehow (though he can't quite figure out why).

Nevertheless, on Friday night as they lie on the couch, Pete and Patrick having gone out and leaving the flat to the two of them, when Jordan speaks up softly, Tyler listens.

"Are you mad at me?"

Tyler frowns, looking down at the younger. "Huh?"

Jordan grabs the remote, pauses the episode, and rolls over, facing Tyler, eyes shining in a melancholic sort of glimmer.

"You've barely spoken to me this past week," he says nervously.

"I..." Tyler gulps. "W-what? I've spoken to you..."

"Yeah, like 'hi' and 'goodnight'," Jordan sighs shakily, and he seems so bothered, like this has been weighing down his soul for quite some time as he drops his gaze, nervously tracing meaningless patterns on the material of Tyler's shirt with shaky fingertips. "Please tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing, J," Tyler gently rubs the hand resting on his best friend's back in tranquil circles, wondering quietly to himself if his disappointment in the lack of his weekly-Joshua doses was really that obvious. 

"Ty, don't lie to me," Jordan pleads, looking even sadder. "Please..."

Tyler swallows quietly, a little lost for words at how upset the younger boy seems.

"Please tell me," he mumbles, gasping shakily and weakly for air as he presses his face into Tyler's chest, a few tears being absorbed by his shirt. "Don't let me lose another person to failed communication."

"Jordan, sweetheart," Tyler sighs, holding him tight, resting his chin on top of his head. "Please don't cry... There's nothing to be upset about."

Jordan whimpers quietly for a little, tears soaking his best friend's shirt, and Tyler's heart hurts, wondering how many times he cried that week without anyone there to comfort him.

"Hush, sweetheart, I'm right here, okay?"

Jordan sniffles, looking up tearily. 

"I'm sorry," he croaks. "I've..I've just been so high-strung all week and I'm still worried about Josh and--"

"I know, Jordan, I know," Tyler soothes, rubbing his back warmly. And though a part of him thinks about Josh's sudden change of mood, his sudden desire to spread his affection elsewhere other than just to his older brother, he secretly hopes things won't change, not if it means he'll stop hugging Tyler when he's just barely started.   
"Don't worry, he'll come around." 

"I hope so," Jordan sighs. "He has trouble, y'know? Sometimes I upset him without meaning to and he's so sensitive..."

"Is that why you didn't go home for a long time?" Tyler inquires, recalling the first few years of their college lives together and the holidays spent never going home. 

"Of course...I told you, Ty," Jordan frowns and rubs his eyes. "He was getting too attached, mom wanted up separate."

"Did...." Tyler pauses, knowing to be delicate and careful with his questions, especially with how upset Jordan seemed to be at the moment. "Did you want to be separated from him?"

The younger boy frowns, eyes filling with fresh tears, and for a second, Tyler berates himself angrily for being so stupid to ask such a callous question, but Jordan's speaking before he can put his fist through his throat.

"Honestly? I... I didn't," Jordan says honestly, sniffling as Tyler moves quickly to wipe away his tears gently, smiling faintly as Tyler's thumb brushes against his warm cheeks. "But we're growing up, Ty, and so is he..."

The younger sighs heavily, pushing his face into the crook of Tyler's neck. "I just want him to be happy... I just want him to have a normal and happy relationship when he's older."

Tyler tilts his head, kissing Jordan's temple gently. "But are... are you comfortable with the way he touches you now?"

Jordan visibly thinks about it for a while, blinking in a way that reminds the older boy so much of his lavender love. 

"To be honest, I don't mind," he confesses slowly. "If society didn't frown on it so much, I'd happily hold him and kiss him for the rest of his life. But... I know it's only gonna hurt him if he keeps depending on me for every sort of affection, you know? Especially since I most probably won't be around for him forever."

Tyler nods understandingly, and as horrible as it sounds, he can't deny the way his heart races at the thought of having Josh to himself, not to the extreme extent of taking his best friend out of the equation but somehow maybe replacing him in the affection department.

It's a sick thing to think, and Tyler knows this, sighing as they both shift on the couch, Jordan tucking himself closer, face pressed against the older boy's chest and sniffling in a subtle way that hinted the end of the conversation.

Tyler runs his hands through his curly hair, stroking his back.

"Love you," Jordan whispers.

Tyler smiles, shutting his eyes and imagining it's Josh's soft, lilting voice saying those exact words to him. 

He presses a kiss to his forehead. "I love you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this was okay... ngl I've come so close to just calling it quits this week cuz while everyone's frolicking on spring break I still have school and I'm trying to learn a new language at the moment and I'm writing another story and everything's kinda stressful (●.-) not to mention all the sugar I've been eating and all the sugar crashes...
> 
> Ahh hands up if you're going through some crap rn cuz it sucks I know but we can pull through it together
> 
> Otherwise, please have a good weekend ;-;


	16. Chapter Sixteen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm late, sorry :( yesterday was one of the most hectic days of my life and I didn't get a chance to upload.
> 
> Hopefully the slightly longer chapter will make up for that..

It takes a few weeks to convince Jordan it's time to go back and test their luck. 

Tyler's absolutely dying at that point, feverish dreams including waking up in buckets of sweat and moaning sending him to the near edge of insanity.

He's basically begging Jordan on his knees to go back when the other twenty-three year old finally agrees, albeit reluctantly.

Tyler's praising the high heavens on the drive to Jordan's house, nearly bursting into relieved tears when they pull up in the driveway of the quaint, suburban household.

Admittedly and unsurprisingly, he has to coax Jordan to leave the vehicle, as he sits still in the front seat for at least five minutes just shaking nervously and barely breathing.

But ten minutes (and, perhaps, a million broken promises of everything turning out alright) later, they both step out of the car, walking over to the door.

Jordan and Tyler are both simultaneously holding their breaths as Abby opens it, letting them both in without much question. They walk through the familiar halls, Tyler buzzing with excitement and Jordan on the verge of getting sick with the sure dread hanging over him.

It's plays out pretty much the same as the last time they were there; Josh sitting on his bed and studying his homework, looking up with a startled expression at both twenty-three year olds before standing up slowly, quickly stalking past Jordan and taking Tyler in his arms instead.

And it's all the heaven Tyler remembers, all the pleasure he's dreamed of and more.

It's those sacred moments that Tyler holds onto tighter than anything else (except for Josh, of course), those seconds in which he allows himself to forget his pain and his past, at least just for a little.

Overall, Tyler's content with the thought of holding the younger boy forever, if not for the starkly obvious way he's tense, the way his smile as he pulls away seems just a little forced and his eyes shine with a bit of sadness.

"Hi," Josh says softly, and his voice is like water to a man in the desert, so refreshingly sweet and delicious to hear after going without it for so long.

"H-hi," Tyler stutters back, smiling brightly as he pushes a few lavender locks away from Josh's forehead, ignoring the way the younger glances back at his older brother, as if to make sure he's watching.

Josh sends one last, tentative smile Tyler's way before he walks past him and out of the basement, rushing a little just as he crosses the threshold.

Tyler glances back at his best friend, who drops his gaze and shakes his head.

 

•••••••

 

"Josh, honey, take these over there please."

"'K, momma," he answers, and his face is all sweetness from where Tyler can see him in the shadows, the familiar, soft smile on his face melting Tyler's heart as he grabs the plates, walking over to the dining room.

Tyler swallows down his nerves, the chance to insert himself into the situation which he had admittedly been waiting for clear and apparent. Still, he forces himself to shake off some doubtful, lingering nerves, stepping out of the shadows of the hallway and walking into the dining room.

He clears his throat silently before speaking. "Need help?" 

He doesn't really expect Josh to yelp, jumping at the sudden voice, and in hindsight, Tyler probably shouldn't have snuck up on the younger in the manner he had; to be fair, however, the brunet nearly suffers from a heart attack himself, stomach flipping and reacting quickly to the younger's extreme reaction. 

Josh's head snaps towards the twenty-three year old, the fear quickly melting out of his eyes as he places the plates on the table, hands shaking as he presses one to his chest and laughs a bit breathlessly.

"Sorry," he says, and it's followed by that fricking giggle, the one that has Tyler's cheeks warming and his heart beating a bit overzealously. "Sorry, you scared me!"

"I-I got you, huh?" Tyler chuckles a bit though he admittedly 'got himself' too, internally wincing at the way he stumbles over his words.

Josh doesn't seem to notice or care for his slight stutter though, simply agreeing with a nod as he turns back to the plates. "You're silly, Tyler," he smiles at him. "You gotta be five years old if you think scaring people is funny."

"I didn't do it on purpose!" Tyler throws his hands up, blushing as Josh laughs again. "I'd never intentionally scare you!"

"It's okay," Josh's lashes flutter as he smiles, though it's a bit small, a little wary. "I guess I can forgive you for that."

The brunet doesn't know why he feels oddly relieved, even though he's painfully aware of the joking tone in Josh's voice, in his petal lips as they force themselves into a trembling grin.

Tyler slowly walks over to the table, resting his palms on the surface and watching as the younger picks up the plates, placing them in their respective places.

He can't ignore the way Josh's hands still tremble, shaking around the porcelain dishes and comprising their pristine condition. He tries to turn his attention away from it, opting to silently study the younger's face instead, but he only finds more worrying signs, a soft furrow between his brow, the way he swallows tightly every now and then while he nibbles on his bottom lip nervously.

Tyler frowns. "Josh?"

"Huh?" 

The younger doesn't look at him, instead continuing his amble around the table, putting plate down after plate and keeping his chocolate eyes glued to the wooden surface.

Tyler waits until he's finished, until his lavender boy's went completely around the table before he's standing near Tyler again (in front of him, to be exact), eyes downcast and clearly ready to exit the dining room before the older boy moves to stand in front of the doorway, blocking the only exit.

Josh walks over unknowingly, only stopping mere inches in front of the brunet before he seems to notice the twenty-three year old's there. He looks a little surprised, if not slightly alarmed, glancing up at Tyler with his caramel eyes.

"Joshie..." he murmurs gently.

Tyler silently displays his hands in the air, finding no use for more words, palms open and level with Josh's abdomen. 

The younger seems to understand the invitation, glancing from Tyler's pleading eyes to his hands.

It takes a while, but eventually, Josh places his shaky hands in Tyler's, albeit slowly and a bit unsurely.

They're thin in his hands, delicate, just like the rest of Josh, and it takes everything in Tyler to be slow and gentle, and to avoid the urge to just clamp his hands shut tightly around the younger's.

"You're shaking," Tyler whispers, frowning as the tremors in the lavender boy's hands only become more violent, running up his body and making it twitch violently as well.

Josh opens his mouth, but he looks so lost, so nervous. Tyler just wants to take it all away.

"Joshie--"

"Honey?" The moment Mrs. Dun walks into the dining room, a large serving dish of orzo salad in hand, Josh is letting out a little, high-pitched mewl, quickly hiding away and finding refuge in Tyler's chest as he pushes himself against the brunet, arms tight around his waist and still trembling like a leaf.

"U-uhh.." is just about all Tyler can manage, words stuttered and stupid as his brain shorts out.

He doesn't think he'll ever get used to Josh hugging him, no matter how much it might happen in the future or how much he might want it to happen.

At least Tyler doesn't feel too out-of-place, as Mrs. Dun seems a little speechless herself, clearly taken aback by her son's clear (yet shy) display of affection, jaw basically grazing the ground and eyes wide.

Tyler glances at her a little helplessly as his arms subconsciously wrap around the younger boy as he clears his throat. 

"'Scuse us," he mumbles, carefully maneuvering the two of them past Mrs. Dun though he trips over Josh's feet a few times, pushing him into the hallway without much thought.

"Hey," he says softly, rubbing his hands up and down Josh's arms gently and trying to soothe the tension out of his body. 

Josh makes a small sound against the older's neck, something akin to a whimper as he holds on for a few more seconds, pulling away slowly. 

He looks up at Tyler, and the latter can see the familiar bashfulness in Josh's almond eyes, the complete saturation of shyness in the way his cheeks glow pink.

He steps away without much more thought or word, though the look in his eyes is somehow more than any verbal acknowledgement could say. 

Tyler can tell he's afraid.

Despite this, he chooses to read it as excitement as Josh turns and rushes away to the basement, slamming the door shut tightly.

He glances down at his shirt, his body where his love once touched, no, embraced him. Heart still warm and beating with love liquid, he gently picks off a lavender hair from the white cotton and smiles.

 

•••••••

 

"She really said 'be careful with that boy'?" Brendon frowns, crossing his arms. "Don't get me wrong, I love your ma and all, but that's a little insulting."

Josh rolls his eyes. "She probably hasn't forgotten about that one time we went hiking and I came back with a fractured ankle from slipping down that cave I explicitly said I didn't want to go into."

"I didn't force you!" the raven-haired boy defends himself boisterously, drawing strange looks from other people in the proximity but paying them no mind. "I just began exploring it then you began following me!"

"That's 'cause I thought a bear was gonna eat me alive if I stayed out there alone!" Josh frowns, crossing his arms. 

"As if any living, breathing thing would ever miss such an opportunity," Brendon mumbles under his breath, rolling his eyes. "And besides, she doesn't have to worry about us going to a forest; we're at the mall."

Josh shrugs, keeping in pace with his best friend, eyes downcast whenever he happened to make eye contact with anyone. 

It gets to a point where he keeps his eyes down so often that he grabs Brendon's wrist for guidance, following the older boy blindly as he's maneuvered out of other people's paths.

"Y'know," Brendon begins, voice a bit soft as his hand glides down, catching Josh's while their fingers interlace automatically, "I'm surprised you wanted to hang out today."

"Why?"

"It's Saturday," he frowns, glancing at Josh momentarily before he sets his gaze on the path ahead. "Isn't Tyler and your brother home?"

Josh gulps a little. "Well...yeah--"

"How's it going anyways, the plan?" 

Josh blinks, thinking a bit. "Uhh--"

"Tell me you've at least hugged Tyler once."

"I have," Josh affirms, feeling a little flush in his cheeks as his best friend grins at him widely, easily resembling the Cheshire Cat. 

With a forehead on steroids, of course.

"I've hugged him a few times, actually."

"And how was it?" Brendon inquires curiously before a look crosses his face and he wiggles his eyebrows up and down, "did Tyler react to finally feeling your sweet bod against his?"

"Brendon!" Josh slaps his arm, cheeks burning as he glances around them and hopes no one's heard. "No! He was very sweet as he always is and handled it extremely well for a guy who's suddenly having his best friend's little brother thrown at him."

"As if it's not exactly what he wants," Brendon huffs, and Josh would argue, if thoughts of Tyler's satisfied smiles, his gentle acceptance and return of Josh's embrace with ready jubilance hadn't flooded his mind. "And besides, I'm sure he's not exactly complaining; he'd be insane to. Especially after this."

Brendon stops walking, quickly halting Josh's movements as well. 

"Wha--"

Josh looks up at the store, his face instantly burning up like a wooden town soaked in gasoline and set on fire.

He nearly bursts into tears. "Brendon--" 

"What?" his best friend grins wickedly at him, grabbing Josh's hand and starting to drag him in.

"No, no, please don't--"

"C'mon, Josh, I know you want them," he rolls his eyes, quickly slipping through the large masses of teenage girls with Josh in tow. "We literally haven't done this in forever."

"W-we only did it once!" Josh argues shakily, nearly squeaking in fear when an employee makes eye contact with him. "A-and it was for your girlfriend--"

"Yes, but it became about my best friend when I saw how he looked at these," Brendon shoots back, walking over to one of the tables and squeezing the two boys in between some random girls, picking the referenced garments off the table without much thought.

"Brendon!" he hisses, slapping his best friend's hands in an attempt to stop his mad grabbing spree for lace and silk but finding no success.

He looks around, feeling so vulnerable and exposed though he's not really doing much. A thousand eyes on him make him dizzy with anxiety and the smell of silent judgement is thick and suffocating.

"Brendon," he pleads softly, trying to control his breathing as he paws at his best friend's sweater.

The raven-haired boy finally seems to notice the bubbling panic inside the younger, alarm bells practically shining in his eyes when he catches sight of Josh.

He's pulling him into his arms before Josh's knees crumple below him, quickly dragging the lavender boy into one of the changing room that's somehow miraculously empty.

He locks it quickly behind them, lowering Josh down to sit on one of the seats before he puts all of the lace and silk on the hanger bar stuck in the wall, kneeling in front of the younger as he gently grabs his hands.

"Breathe," he commands softly, forcing Josh to make eye contact with him as he exaggeratedly takes in slow breaths, waiting for Josh to pick up on his cue.

The younger takes in a shaky breath.

It's only a few minutes later, when Josh is able to regulate his breathing pattern, with Brendon caressing his skin soothingly, that the older asks him.

"What's wrong?"

Josh cries a little, tears threatening to spill over. "I'm scared...." he whispers honestly.

Brendon frowns, too used to Josh having nervous breakdowns to be extremely worried about the younger. "Why?" he inquires, continuing to be delicate despite it. "Because you want these?" he holds up some of the garments in his hand.

Josh stares at them, and he's got that look of shameful desire, though shy as it is. 

He nods hesitantly.

"There's nothing wrong with it, J," Brendon sighs, "it's like wanting to wear pink even though you're a dude. Completely acceptable 'cause these aren't--well, they shouldn't be--gendered."

Josh blinks and seems to think about it for a while, before Brendon rolls his eyes and stands up. "C'mon, Joshie, there's no need to act all shy now. I know you're wearing a pair right now."

Josh's head snaps up to look at the senior with bewildered eyes, while the latter just waves him off nonchalantly and turns towards where he dropped some of the silk.

"Now come on, try these on," Brendon commands, handing one of the garments over.

Josh takes it, though hesitant as he is, clutching it in his hands like it's some sort of sacred artifact and staring at it as if it's worth ten times more.

One last, shy glance at Brendon and his wide smile gives Josh the courage to stand up, though shaky as he is.

He looks a bit pointedly at Brendon as he unbuttons his pants, the older boy simply smiling and looking hugely clueless as ever.

"Bren?"

"Yes, love?" he answers seamlessly.

Josh huffs a bit, though there's a corner of a smile on his lips. "Turn around please?"

"Oh."

It's only when Brendon is fully face-first in the corner that Josh begins tugging off his jeans, his anxiety and excitement making him a little jittery and erratic.

He pulls the silk over the lace he's already donning, gentle and careful with the delicate fabric. 

The whole ordeal is slow and sacred to the lavender boy, and once they're on, he glances at himself in the mirror, heart undoubtedly racing at the sight. 

Brendon turns around after deeming Josh had an appropriate amount of time to change, and the large, proud smile on his face only drops the smallest bit into one of mild, pleasant surprise. 

"W-what do you think?" Josh inquires shyly, running his hand over the rose pink garment and not breaking eye contact with the mirror.

"I think you look absolutely stunning," Brendon admits after a bit of silence, letting out a whistle. "Hot damn, if I didn't have a girlfriend..."

Josh blushes furiously, but can't find it in himself to argue.

The gentle pink against his pale skin undoubtedly compliments his creaminess, the silk wrapping around his hips delicately and tied with a small white bow.

"Alright, we're buying all of these," Brendon mumbles, bending over and collecting all of the panties and garments.

"Wait! All of them--? What if they don't fit?" Josh panics a bit, though it's mostly due to excitement, the thought of having more than two pairs of pretty underwear making his heart go around in worried loops. "A-and, Bren, they're expensive!"

"It's fine, they're all the same size as that one you're wearing," Brendon looks at one of the tags, nodding his confirmation. "And besides, what's the use of having a friend with rich parents if he doesn't drop at least $300 on you?"

"Brendon, it's too much," Josh protests though the older boy doesn't seem to be listening, starting to walk out of the dressing room with total disregard for Josh's words. "Wait!" 

It's the fastest Josh has ever changed back into his clothes, nearly ripping the panties off of him and almost tripping over himself as he runs out of the changing room, eyes quickly falling on the brunet male in the sea of women.

He rushes towards him, pushing past people without much thought. The moment he's by Brendon's side, he grabs onto his arm and tries to catch his attention again.

"Bren, it's too much," he repeats though it's much weaker than it was earlier, the possibility of having so many pairs of panties only minutes away from becoming a reality and nearly smothering away Josh's protests.

"J, come on, let me treat you," Brendon sighs heavily, as if giving up on spoiling Josh with lace and silk was a great disservice to himself. He glances at the younger, staring at him for a few moments before clearing his throat and looking away. "Besides, this is part of the plan, remember?"

Josh blinks. 

"You know, you can use these to parade around your house and display yourself and stuff," Brendon huffs a laugh when a horrified look glazes over Josh's face. "What? Didn't you say you did that before with Tyler and Jordan? While they were studying or some other shit?"

"What?! No!" Josh denies vehemently. "I mean, not on purpose or to s-seduce anybody but I--"

"Then do it again, simple," the older boy quickly shuts him down, sending a friendly 'this-conversation-is-over' kind of smile his way before focusing his attention on the line ahead of them. "Just send me an invite for when that happens. Wouldn't miss a chance to see you in lingerie again."

Josh's gaze, though no matter how hard he tries to fight against it, quickly drops to the pile of underwear in Brendon's arms at the mention of them. There are so many colors and textures, and just looking at them make his heart begin beating overzealously in excitement.

He wonders if Tyler would think he looked pretty with them on.

It's worse when it's their turn, and the cashier begins ringing each item up after pausing with a sort of surprised look. After all, two teenage boys buying a copious amount of lingerie probably looked a bit sketchy. 

Nevertheless, she didn't ask many questions and went straight to the job, picking each pair up and scanning them. 

Josh got to see each individually, and he was nearly fainting at the thought of slipping each over his hips and admiring them in the mirror, feeling them rub against his skin.

It's when she got to the bottom of the pile that Josh sees the garment that actually makes his heart stop.

It's soft lavender, almost entirely made of lace. Clearly the smallest size, as it was a bit tiny. 

"You got me a b-bralette?" Josh stutters, mind short-wiring.

"Course," Brendon laughs a bit like it's the most obvious thing in the world, gently slapping Josh's chest with the back of his hand. "I think it'd look good on you. Besides, you know you don't exactly have the flattest chest in the world."

Josh's cheeks are absolutely on fire as he glances down at himself. 

"That'll be $364.52," the cashier finally says.

Brendon smiles and takes out his card without hesitation.

"Brendon," Josh whispers, grabbing his arm and trying to stop him from what the younger is thinking will probably be the worst financial decision of his life, but his card is already being swiped in the machine, and he's already signing his name, and it's too late.

One big bag of wrapped panties in a pink Victoria's Secret tote, Josh is holding hands with Brendon, blushing to the tips of his ears while he buries his face in the older boy's arm.

"C'mon, it's not that big of a deal, J!" the older boy laughs, rubbing his back comfortingly. "He'll love it, I know he will."

Josh hopes so too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love my Beebo sm ;-; (also thanks for getting Jish a bralette cuz that was clearly necessary *slow claps*)
> 
> See y'all next week ^^ love you and hope things are going okay.


	17. Chapter Seventeen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> who's late to the party ;-; me...again
> 
> I'm sorry pls don't be mad

Josh knocks firmly on the door after ringing the bell, taking a step back and glancing at Brendon.

"So you'll distract whoever's at the door while I rush in and hide this under my bed real quick, right?" he says nervously, slightly lifting the bag of lingerie hidden behind his back in reference while repeating the plan for probably the tenth time in the last five minutes.

The older boys nods encouragingly. "Yeah, don't worry. I gotcha, dude. And besides, your parents are out. Whoever opens the door probably won't even look at us so I think we're all good."

Josh thinks for a moment, the usual optimism in his best friend's voice attractive and easily agreeable with, so he nods and smiles, hoping for the best. 

Little do either of them know (or, more accurately, predict) that there had been a brunet waiting all morning and afternoon for their arrival (more accurately, Josh's arrival), and he was currently tripping over himself like an excited puppy in a mad scramble, the doorbell's blessed call a long-awaited relief.

The moment the lock is turned and the door swings open, Josh doesn't even hesitate, dashing in quickly past Tyler without looking back and leaving him in the dust without a second thought.

Tyler blinks, the wide smile on his face slowly slipping as he looks out, only seeing Brendon. There's confusion on his face, clear as day, as he frowns at the lack of his lavender boy, barely registering that he'd slipped past so fast and out of his grasp. He turns around, feeling a little lost and probably looking like it, glancing around. 

"Hi," Brendon greets shortly, capturing his attention with his deep (though slightly cracked) voice, and Tyler looks back at him, thick eyebrow lifted as the eighteen-year old extends his arm and offers his hand. "You must be Tyler."

"Umm...yeah, that's me," the brunet confirms slowly, gripping the other boy's hand, mind still too stuck on Josh to wonder how this random kid knew his name.

He's tall, almost equal in height to Tyler, striking amber eyes and soft pink lemonade lips. He's handsome, well-dressed in a black leather jacket and light blue, ripped jeans. 

He's beautiful, someone Tyler could definitely see as a popular, bad boy type, with his hair brushed and styled high up and his face painted with confidence.

However, before either of them can even begin saying anything else, Josh is bounding up to them again, reappearing as soon as he had disappeared. 

He attaches himself to Brendon, grabbing his arm in the same way he used to grab Jordan's. He looks at Tyler, a giddy smile on his face, a sweet, high look in his eyes that's making Tyler's legs go like jelly. 

"H-hi, Josh," Tyler greets, the nerves that had been building up all day while waiting for his darling to return coming in full fruition. 

"Hey, Ty," Josh replies sweetly, and maybe it's because Josh had been gone all day, or because Tyler had been so excited to see the lavender boy return that when Josh turns to Brendon, tugging him into the house by his arm with his sweet giggles and not giving the brunet a second glance that Tyler feels something bitter begin seeping into his mouth, a bit of disappointment bubbling in his chest as the younger seems to just brush him off like a blown away leaf.

He feels something akin to a lost puppy as he follows them into the living room, a frown on his face as he trails behind them, being helplessly pulled by Josh's magnetic field and wordless.

"Oh hey," Jordan waves at the two boys from the couch, smiling a bit at Tyler before directing his attention back to the teens. "Leftovers are in the fridge if you guys are hungry."

"Thanks!" Brendon smiles as Josh ignores the older in favor of finding the aforementioned food, opening the fridge door with his little sweater paws and excited, caramel eyes. 

Tyler watches the two, a choice he quickly begins regretting the longer he does so. By the time they've heated up their individual servings of casserole in little ceramic, pastel green bowls, it's clear that they're close, closer than Tyler wishes they'd be. 

This guy, whoever he is (Tyler wasn't really able to catch his name from Josh's soft-spoken acknowledgements), seems far from uncomfortable or unfamiliar with the younger, if his frequent nudges and touches were anything to go by.

They sit, elbow to elbow and undoubtedly knee to knee at the kitchen table, giggling and cracking jokes like little five year olds. 

It makes Tyler a little irked, to say the least, as he watches their interactions from the couch that he begrudgingly parked himself onto, annoyed at how attentive Josh was, how involved and enthralled his lavender boy seemed to be with this scatter-brained, eccentric fool.

He hates how easily and causally he can touch Josh, Tyler's Josh, whether it's through small, accidental bumps of their elbows or how liberal the taller boy doles out gentle pats on Josh's shoulder or fleeting caresses. 

What upsets him far more, however, is how happy and content Josh seems to be, how he takes the attention and affection in stride and gleaming grins, inviting the predator to touch him and praise him and make him laugh more and more.

Tyler's never seen him so open with anyone except Jordan, which was understandable. He would be an idiot to think Josh was 100% comfortable with himself, but that kind of thing took time, which Tyler was willing to give.

But this boy, showing up out of the blue, suddenly possessing everything Tyler wanted (which, in reality, was simply just Josh himself)?

It's Jordan all over again, but this time it's worse, it's different.

He can barely keep himself from bursting a capillary as he clenches the material of his jeans, nudging Jordan a bit more sharply than intended.

"Who's that?" Tyler demands under his breath, not even bothering to see if Jordan had taken his attention off his cellphone. 

Call him a masochist, but Tyler can't look away, no matter how much the anger and hurt bubbles in his chest at the sight.

"That?" Jordan glances at the boy sitting beside his younger brother. "That's Brendon, Josh's best friend."

Tyler crosses his arms, feeling a bit petulant but not really caring. "Looks like he's a little more than just a best friend," he mumbles.

Jordan glances at him, an amused look washing over his face as he pockets his cellphone. 

"What's wrong?"

Tyler doesn't answer, partly knowing that the truth could land him in hot water and partly due to the fact that he simply didn't want to, preferring an annoyed, childish silence as his answer instead.

Jordan doesn't seem bothered though, seeming the exact opposite, really. He lets out a little, incredulous chuckle, scooting over closer to the pouting brunet and wrapping his arms around his neck, effectively blocking his view of Josh and Brendon as he makes eye contact with Tyler.

He leans closer to the older boy, pressing their foreheads together and the very tips of their noses.

"You protective of our baby, Ty?" Jordan giggles under his breath, lips only centimeters away as his arms tighten around the brunet's neck as he pulls him a little closer. "Don't worry, he's known Brendon for a long time," he whispers, lips just barely grazing Tyler's (though the older boy barely notices it), "and they've been best friends for longer. He's a good kid."

Tyler doesn't say anything, because no matter how comforting Jordan's words sound or how many affirmations he could confirm that Brendon and Josh weren't involved in some sort of way that went past just being best friends, it doesn't change the fact that there's a boy touching his Josh right at that moment, charming him with eccentricity despite the large odds and slipping under his creamy skin with every grin.

Tyler doesn't even think he's breathing because his chest is so tight and wound up, the anger making it difficult to do so, and it only takes a second before Jordan seems to notice.

"Ty?" he whispers, sounding farther and farther away as the brunet feels himself losing his physical presence to his mind. "Tyler, love?"

He feels a warm, large hand press against his cheek lovingly, caressing, anchoring him for a moment.

"Oh baby, is this what you're like when you're jealous?" Jordan giggles, and Tyler feels sick as the nail's hit on the head. "It's okay, Josh is safe, alright?" the other boy assures before he's leaning forward, pressing his lips to the corner of Tyler's mouth. 

Tyler quickly wraps his arms tight around Jordan, pressing the younger into himself as stares straight at Brendon. 

They lock eyes for a moment, and Tyler holds on noticeably tighter, not even trying to mask his burning glare, his twisted up mind attempting to portray some sort of pseudo-ownership, a defiance that he hoped would tell Brendon that he deserved this family's affection, from Jordan to Joshua.

The teenager only smirks.

Tyler feels himself biting his tongue and cheek harder and harder as the evening goes by, the sun setting and sky darkening with no hope of Brendon leaving.

Tyler has to excuse himself from the couch at one point, quickly disappearing off to the bathroom.

Once the door closes and locks, he turns to the mirror, placing his hands on the counter and nearly screaming.

His reflection looks distorted, to the point where it's nearly unrecognizable. His eyes, normally placid and neutral, are burning with rage, his cheeks flushed with irritation.

He tastes copper in his mouth, and it's bitter.

Why does Josh taste so bitter?

He shakes his head, reminding himself that, no, it's not Josh. His Josh is sweet, pure sugary deliciousness.

Brendon, though. That boy was another matter, and a definite problem.

He had to get rid of him somehow, right?

He stares at his reflection for a few moments, regulating his erratic breathing pattern in an attempt to calm himself. It takes at least ten minutes, maybe fifteen, but eventually, he drags himself out, barely pink in the face but fists still clenched and shaking.

When he gets back to the living room, he comes to find that Josh and Brendon have migrated from the kitchen to the living room, sitting on the sofa beside Jordan and facing the moving screen of the television. The pictures above their heads hang, wide smiles on the family's faces mocking Tyler. 

The twenty-three year old pays the portraits above the sofas no mind, instead bristling at how close the two teenagers are sitting, with Brendon's arm locked around his lavender boy's shoulder and a smug smile on his face.

Tyler walks over shakily, sitting beside Josh and barely resisting the urge to just reach over and deck Brendon in the face. Instead, he opts for looking at Josh with probably the most betrayed, hurt look he can muster.

Josh glances at him, and a concerned frown appears on his face.

"What's wrong, Tyler?" he inquires, blinking innocently as if he doesn't know that leaning into Brendon and holding the wrist of the arm around him isn't absolutely killing Tyler.

The older boy doesn't answer for fear of letting out a frustrated scream, simply turning his head away as a shaky, muted groan leaves his closed lips.

It's an hour into the movie that Tyler finally gets up, unable to stand the way he keeps hearing Brendon whisper, lips undoubtedly ghosting against Josh's ear, the both of them shifting their positions every once and while and somehow always ending up closer than they already were. 

The last straw is drawn when, after a rather comedic part of the movie draws laughter from about everyone in the room except for Tyler, with Josh giggling so happily and sweetly and the brunet unable to stop himself from reveling in the sight of his lavender boy happy, that Brendon leans down, kisses the top of Josh's head with a chuckle of his own.

He keeps direct eye contact with Tyler.

And that's when he stands up, all traces of happiness gone and rage bubbling at an all time high instead, completely fed up. If he were a few years younger and more stupid than he already was, he probably would've attacked the teenager right then and there.

He feels like a storm cloud as he escapes into the basement, falling on Jordan's bed, face-down and barely in time to conceal the scream he lets out into the pillow.

He's never wished death on someone so deliberately and sincerely before, flashes of that absolute, despicable predator touching what was his and torturing his mind over and over. 

He slams his face into the mattress a few times, trying to summon all of his anger to point towards Brendon, but it's difficult, considering how Josh's smiles, his silence a practical invitation for touches and familiarity burn into his brain too.

Josh isn't a harlot, Tyler knows; he's too sweet and good-natured for that. He just doesn't know what he brings upon himself because he's too trusting, too open with the wrong people.

A part of Tyler wonders how many people there can be that are out there, taking advantage of his baby every day, and the thought only makes his anger increase tenfold. 

Tyler is so lost in his thoughts, his brain screeching and bleeding messily over the walls of his skull that he doesn't notice Jordan or how he sits on the bed beside him, barely registering the fingers carding through his hair.

"Tyler, sweetheart, what's wrong?"

"Don't feel good," he lies through his teeth, though in all honesty, it's half-true, just not in the way he implies it.

"Oh, love, I'm sorry," Jordan sighs, lying beside him and pressing a hand to his forehead with a frown. "Need medicine?" 

"No," Tyler huffs, a little irritated with Jordan if he was being honest with himself. Right now, he doesn't want anyone touching him except Josh, the betrayal and hurt a little too fresh to be dealt with by anyone other than the person who caused it. The twenty-three year old rolls over, sniffling a little.

He needs Brendon to be gone, ridding himself and everyone of the pest he is.

He feels Jordan drape the blankets over his body, tucking him in gently with love pouring from each of his actions.

The irony of it is that it unfortunately does nothing to quell the hatred in Tyler; though he's not even sure what would.

"It's okay," Jordan whispers, unaware of the thoughts going through his best friend's head and leaning down to gently kiss his temple. "Things will be better in the morning, okay?"

Tyler wants to scream, to push him away and protest, maybe rush out of the basement and up the stairs, down the hall to the living room, and change the picturesque smiles on the portraits hanging above the sofa into frowns of blood.

Instead, he just nods and closes his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Why so scary Ty)
> 
> Thank you all so much for the patience... I won't even try to make excuses or anything, but I hope you won't take it too hard. 
> 
> Love you, and see you next week! (I'll shoot for Friday I promise!) <33


	18. Chapter Eighteen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh wow she actually uploaded Friday...
> 
> But at what cost

Josh frowns, turning to the left minutely and staring at his reflection, before shifting once again to the right. 

The sight in the mirror isn't any better no matter how he turns, and he hates it. 

His hands ghost down to his panties, running over the transparent sides and glaring at his stretch marks.

His body changing was bad enough with puberty; he didn't need his medication to be throwing him a left hook as well, but here he was. 

He thought he would've gotten used to it now, the large bought of estrogen that somehow came with nearly every medicine he'd been trying for the past six years, but he always finds himself frowning and beating himself up when it comes to studying his body, really looking at it.

If he doesn't like his thick hips and the noticeable swell of his chest, there was no way Tyler would either.

He lets out a heavy sigh, chancing a look down and wincing at the way his chest easily fills up the lavender bralette, his soft stomach and miles of pale, almost colorless skin.

'No,' he thinks. 'I can't do this. I can't wear this in front of Tyler, he'll probably throw up.'

It hurts to say the least, the excitement he got from wearing lace and silk all but chased away by his bodily insecurities.

He now despises the boost of confidence it gave him, the foolishness it had influenced him to walk out of the basement in his underwear without a second thought and beeline to the bathroom.

He frowns, opening the bathroom door little by little and checking if the coast was clear.

He'd have to make a run for it.

 

••••••

 

'I'm going on a run, sweetheart. I've left some medicine here if you need it. Love you.'

That's the little note Tyler finds on his bedside table when he wakes up, feeling a little disoriented and groggy without a warm body to guide him back to the world of the living.

He has to rub his eyes, take a minute to just lie there and breathe.

All anger and resentment he felt the day before have simmered down, barely present but lurking in the back. Now, he only feels sadness, melancholy. There's a strange sense of loss in his heart, or maybe, the threat of it, coming in the form of the previously unknown high school senior, of Josh's best friend.

Hurting Brendon would mean hurting his lavender boy, if Josh's display of affection by silent reception of touches and hugs with the older boy was any sort of indication. 

There's nothing he can do if they're somehow involved romantically in any way with one another, that's the realization Tyler wakes up to, and it's also what hurts the most, making him hide away from the world and all of the hurt underneath all his blankets. 

He sniffles a little, wiping his teary eyes with the sheets. It's stupid to cry over losing something he never had, but it's happening either way, if his bountiful supply of tears was anything to go by.

His self-pity session is interrupted rather abruptly though, only getting a few moments of silent tears to himself, when the heavy door creaks open only moments later.

He sits up, expecting it to be Jordan returning from his morning run and hoping to get some comforting cuddles from his best friend, but instead, he gets his breath caught in his throat at the sight of his lavender boy, wide-eyed and cheeks pink, standing there in the threshold.

Where he could've come out of fully donned in lingerie, Tyler doesn't know, but it's hardly his first thought, mind short wiring at the mere sight of the younger covered in lavender lace, the shade easily matching his pastel hair and alabaster skin. 

Tyler's unable to unglue his eyes from Josh's body, mouth dry and getting only drier at the sight of his thick hips to the small bralette covering his chest. He never would've guessed he'd be drooling over a boy in lingerie when he was younger, but here he is now, biting his lip to keep his mouth shut.

It's breathtaking, more so than he ever would've thought or fantasized, to say the least, now that he's letting himself look, take in the sight, rather than denying himself it like he had in the past when he first found out about Josh's specific taste in underwear.

The sight's enough to rob him of his heartache, or at least most of it, replaced with the familiar, raging infatuation and desire to just reach out and touch.

He glances at Josh the moment he can pull his eyes away from the lavender boy's body, heart melting at the wide-eyed, shocked look in his caramel irises.

"T-Tyler!" he squeaks, clearly not expecting the older boy to be awake as he shuts the door quickly in prevention of anyone else seeing him in his lacy state.

He looks around the room, head darting around to look at anywhere but Tyler, and the brunet feels his heart ache at the way Josh displays his clear embarrassment, crossing his arms over himself shakily in an attempt to hide his very naked middle. "I--uh--I didn't know--I was just gonna--"

Tyler stands up, a little perplexed at how shy Josh seems now versus when he first saw him in panties. Maybe Josh really didn't plan on being seen today, or maybe it was because he was donning another piece that was somehow more effeminate than his usual wear.

Either way, it's still lace, see-through in just the right areas that make Tyler's blood pump and his heart fill with desire, the small, slow steps he takes towards his baby deliberate and careful, though at this point, he wouldn't really be able to stop himself if he wanted.

He feels like a fly attracted to honey, a moth attracted to light.

He's a pyromaniac, Josh is fire.

When he collapses on his knees in front of Josh, it's in worship, adoration.

He wants to burn.

When he dares to look up, Josh looks so nervous, lip trembling as his skin vibrates. Tyler doesn't like it, the way he seems so scared, like he doesn't know what Tyler will do. 

As if Tyler would do anything other than love him.

His hands reach out, stopping just over Josh's sides to hover over his hips. No matter how much he wants to just grab and take, seize Josh's pretty garments away from him and worship his skin, eat his body up alive while Josh screams so sweetly, he wants permission.

"Please," he whispers, voice sounding rough from his tears earlier that still haven't quite gone away, instead becoming liquid of desperation and sheer want as they slip down his cheeks.

Josh looks alarmed to see his tears, now that they're up close and personal. His little mouth drops open, looking a bit frozen for a few moments as his arms slowly uncross from his middle and drop, shyness mostly forgotten and replaced with concern.

It's feels like centuries before his fingertips brush Tyler's hovering hands, but it's worth the wait when he gently takes hold of them in his own delicate ones, slowly guiding them to rest on his lace-clad hips.

He's soft, rounded with a bit of fat that covers his hips and makes them look so full, so delicious. Tyler's holding his breath as his hands are suddenly holding his world, his lavender boy, and a part of him wants to cry even more at how happy he feels. 

Last night, Josh wasn't his, but he is now.

Tyler glances up at his baby, hands gently stroking his sides, up and down in small lengths, relishing in the feel of smooth skin and delicate lace, and he frowns at the ever-present quiver of lips, the little spark of fear in his eyes.

"What's wrong, baby?" he whispers. "Why're you scared? It's just me."

Josh blinks, nods quickly like he's afraid he'll offend the older boy if he doesn't. Tyler frowns, hands gently trailing up Josh's soft stomach without thinking, grazing the bottom band of his bralette and eliciting a soft gasp from Joshua.

"Please, don't," he pleads, and he looks so scared that it immediately prompts Tyler to pull his hand away, eyes wide with apologies.

"I-I'm sorry," he stutters a little, hoping he didn't scare the younger boy too much as he gulps, hand quickly returning to its original place on Josh's hip. "What's wrong?"

Josh's face twists up a little sourly, blinking a few moments and contemplating.

After a long while of silent deliberation, Josh hesitantly motions over his entire body with his hands and simply says, "This."

Tyler tilts his head.

"I don't quite follow, Joshie," he confesses honestly, using all the strength he had in him to stop himself from leaning forward and biting his soft skin. 

It's difficult, to say the least.

"M-my body," Josh clarifies quietly, cheeks burning, and Tyler feels horrified as the younger boy frowns with a little, heartbreaking sniffle.

"What's wrong with it?" he asks, flabbergasted. "It's--it's beautiful, J. You're fucking stunning."

Josh shakes his head, and Tyler can't believe how sincere he seems, how he really seems to dislike his body. Just the thought of it is blasphemy.

"Too much fat," he says softly. "Too many wrong medications as a kid that messed with my body chemistry, that gave me drops of testosterone and more spikes of estrogen."

He laughs a little self-deprecatingly, like Tyler isn't practically begging with his eyes and his hands to literally devour his beautiful body. He gently touches his chest through his bralette with a sigh.

"I didn't even notice how big I was here until I put this on," he sighs heavily as tears fill his eyes. 

He looks so fucking embarrassed, like he can't stand the way he easily fills the small cups covering his breasts, like it's a curse.

Tyler takes one glance at them and he knows he won't be able to get them out of his mind for a long, long while.

"Josh," he murmurs softly, squeezing his hips gently to get the younger boy to look at him. "Baby, you're beautiful."

Josh blushes deeply as he looks away sharply and shakes his head at the statement, words completely lost.

"Josh," he drawls raspily, slowly pushing his mouth to rest against the skin above Josh's navel.

When the younger doesn't react, not even looking at the older, he takes it as an invitation, gently kissing his skin.

Josh shudders, and Tyler smiles.

He kisses more, loving the way Josh shakes every time his lips gently nibble his skin, leaving ghosts of bruises but never really going to that extent.

He works his way up Josh's chest, glancing up at the younger for silent permission.

Their eyes meet, the younger's caramel ones slowly becoming a reflection of Tyler's, familiar desire and need creeping into those beautiful orbs.

Tyler smiles against his skin, lips slowly creeping up the expanse of the lavender boy's body just like his hands. Pretty soon, they're gently tugging at Josh's bralette, unclipping the back in desperate hands.

"T-Ty," Josh whispers, a different flush washing over his face as Tyler gently begins pulling the lace off.

"Shh," he whispers, lost in his own world of alabaster skin as he glances up at him. "Slap me if you wanna stop."

He waits for a moment, fully inviting the younger to do so before he exposes his lavender boy.

But Josh doesn't, simply letting his hand cup Tyler's cheek gently, stroking thoughtfully with his thumb before it moves to his hair, tangling in the brown locks.

It's a ceremony as Tyler gently pulls his bralette off his chest, breath caught in his throat the entire way. 

His ability to breathe is basically gone by the time Josh is exposed, his soft breasts and puffy, rosy nipples on full display.

Tyler's mouth literally waters at the sight, his brain screaming for him to just rush forward and bite him as hard as he can.

But he doesn't, instead pushing his face into Josh's chest with a soft groan, nuzzling him for a moment as his hands gently drop back down to his hips, tugging his baby closer until his crotch is pressed against Tyler.

For a few moments, he simply kisses Josh's skin, nibbling with his lips around his breasts gently and giving the younger every opportunity to pull away.

Instead, Josh's hand tightens in the older boy's hair, the little whimpers leaving his mouth that Tyler falls in love with so quickly making Tyler feel dizzy.

Josh gasps when Tyler opens his mouth, languidly taking Josh's nipple into his mouth when he can no longer hold himself back from doing so, gently suckling on the rose bud as his other hand fondles his other breast.

"O-oh, Tyler," Josh finally moans openly, head tipping back as the older boy worships him. Tyler glances up without taking his mouth off, and the sight is breathtaking, with Josh's head thrown back and his neck completely exposed. It drives him to suckle harder, gently biting his soft flesh before he laves it comfortingly with his tongue. 

Josh seems to be extremely sensitive, his responses to Tyler's licks and suckles making Tyler grow dizzy with desire as he lets out breathy cries, delicate hand tangling further into his locks, "Ah! Ah, ah, Tyler..."

"Mm.." Tyler chuckles against his skin, mouth full of flesh before letting it slip a little from his mouth, just barely so he can speak. "So pretty, J. Wanna make you feel good."

"Y-you are," Josh admits shakily, little, muffled moans barely leaving his lips as he gasps, Tyler's tongue swirling around his nipple lovingly. "Oh T-Ty, I'm s-sensitive there, please..."

"Think I can drink from you?" Tyler whispers, just imagining the taste of Josh's sugary copper flooding his mouth as he suckles his smooth breast eagerly. "Bet you'd taste so good, baby."

"Mm! Please don't stop!" Josh cries breathily, throbbing against Tyler as his blood and chemicals rush in his body, and Tyler smiles, wrapping his arms around Josh's waist and hoisting him up despite his squeak, not breaking his lips away from his breast at any given moment and carrying him to his bed, quickly collapsing on it with Josh on top of him, gravity pushing them together. 

He licks and tries to drink from Josh, the younger boy letting out high-pitched, sultry moans that go straight to Tyler's arousal. It's the first time he's completely lax above Tyler, all the previous tension in his body gone as he soaks up all of the praise and pleasure.

He sounds so sweet crying above him, sweeter than anything Tyler's ever heard. Never in his twenty-three years of life had he felt so awoken, so attracted to someone in both the physical and mental planes of reality. Then comes this boy with lavender hair to turn his whole world upside down, with his sweet smiles and honeyed voice, seventeen years of--

Tyler quickly pulls away, wide-eyed as the realization hits him like a ton of bricks.

Josh shudders above him, and Tyler looks up at him with horrified eyes, meeting syrupy caramel eyes, bitten-raw lips and a delicious trail of saliva running from the corner of his panting mouth to his chin.

"T-Ty, why'd you stop?" he blinks slowly, mind clearly clouded and delayed with pleasure.

"Josh," he mumbles softly, mind screaming at him and horrifying him more and more every second.

Josh was underage.

Tyler couldn't love him.

A hand gently cups Tyler's cheek, tilting his head to look at him.

He's met with the most innocent, trusting, caramel eyes, confused in youthfulness and conflicted with concern. 

It only makes Tyler feel more sick.

"Ty--?"

He quickly sits up, ripping himself away from the younger with shaky hands on shoulders.

It takes a moment to gain his mind back, to gain his use of words, but when he does, he's stuttering, he's nervous, because he knows he's wrong.

"I-I'm sorry, Josh, I shouldn't be--" he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, his own saliva smeared a bit over the corners and edges of his lips. 

He somehow still tastes the younger's skin as he staggers a bit off the bed, and he can't tell if it's absolutely intoxicating in the worst way possible or the best. 

"I-it's okay though--" Josh says quietly, and Tyler doesn't look at him, for fear of being pulled back into the stupidity and forgotten ignorance Josh so easily cast him under, and instead quickly makes his way to the door, staggering a bit with the little part of him that's holding him back and begging to stay.

When he rushes out of the room, he's only taking a few quick steps before running into someone, crashing into a body without much realization.

He feels someone grab his arms, push him away a little.

Jordan.

"Baby, you okay?" he inquires, face twisted up in surprise and concern, unaware of the fact that his presence only makes Tyler's guilt skyrocket ten times more.

Tyler whimpers a little, afraid of opening his mouth and letting the horrible truth spill out. The way he took advantage of a seventeen year old, the way he's betrayed his best friend.

Instead, he pushes against Jordan's hands until he's in his best friend's arms, holding him close and burying his face into his neck despite the sheen of sweat covering his body.

He tries to say sorry with silence, with gentle presses of his lips against Jordan's skin and hands wandering the expanse of his back.

"What's wrong, love?" Jordan repeats, sighing a little when Tyler doesn't answer and instead returning his embrace gently.

When Jordan presses a kiss to his head with the promise of everything turning out for the better, Tyler feels forgiven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna regret writing this chapter, aren't I? 
> 
> I hope you all are doing okay, love you ❤️ ^^


	19. Chapter Nineteen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SORRY ITS LATE OKAY

Shivers run up and down his spine as he lies, staring at the ceiling.

He hadn't the heart to bring himself out of his bed just yet that morning, despite the fact that he had school in only half an hour. 

When his mother comes to check on him, he pretends to cough, fakes a headache as best as he can, but he doesn't need any acting skills to flinch away as she feels his forehead, frowning.

"Just stay in bed, hon," she smiles tightly at him, face a bit confused at his lack of temperature but not questioning him any further as she stands up. "I'll call the school and get you some soup, okay?"

He smiles and nods, "Thanks, momma."

She kisses his forehead before leaving, walking over to Jordan's bed and stealing the large comforter, fluffing it out and spreading it on top of him.

When she leaves, Josh rolls over, bunching up the plush comforter in his hands and pressing his face into it.

He quickly picks up Jordan's familiar scent, sighing a little as comfort floods his soul. No matter how mad he could ever be at the older, there was no doubt that his effect on Josh would ever leave. 

Not that the younger was particularly angry anymore.

His borderline obsessive love had faded, or more accurately, shifted, it seemed. There were times less when he thought about Jordan and more so about a particular brunet.

Tyler was adorable, cute. It was undeniable, and Josh had always noticed it, thought his interest in it was never more than skin deep.

Now, with the incident of last weekend in mind, it had evolved into something more; a pandora box of sorts had been unlocked and opened in Josh's heart, and the effects were undeniable.

Josh spends nearly every moment thinking about Tyler, remembering the soft press of his lips against his skin, how worshiped and delicious he made Josh feel.

It's all he thinks about in bed, when he goes to school the next day. His grades probably begin suffering from it, Brendon confused about Josh's 'head-in-the-sky' behavior. It's expected, especially when he refuses to share the incident with his best friend despite his whining and begging. 

It's Josh's memory, and his own alone. 

At first, he tries to justify his obsessive mental picking at it by telling himself he was simply analyzing, pulling each detail apart for the sake of just getting a better idea of what had happened, it being basically a blur of pleasure and utter sweetness and confusion.

The last aspect being extremely prominent, due to the fact that Jordan was still in the equation. It made Josh a little sick to his stomach to think that Tyler could be cheating on his own brother with him, but it's something he pushes to the back of his mind, the unpleasant sting of betrayal coming unwelcome and unwanted in Josh's mind.

And by Friday, he's come to terms with the fact that his motivation for pulling apart his memory (and hiding some parts) has changed, or more accurately, has always been about something much more different in the first place.

Reliving his memory by careful analyzation, trying to remember the exact placement of Tyler's lips, his soft words mumbled against his skin. It's no surprise to himself that he wants it back, the feeling of letting himself and his reservations go without a second thought.

He's prepared himself by the time they arrive on Friday, slight slivers of nervousness imbedded in his skin but covered up with false confidence, and a very legitimate will to get Tyler's hands on him again.

It'll make him sick, Josh knows, but the possibility of wiping out the past is the last thing he wants to miss, no matter the price to pay.

 

•••••••

 

Tyler is nervous. 

He's got a flower he'd hidden in his backpack the entire ride, having been careful enough not to crush it with clumsiness and an apology he'd practiced all week.

With Jordan helping his mother with dinner, it's Tyler's first chance to see Josh alone, after the incident, and he's nervous now that he's here, sweating bullets.

Even with the hectic pace of college classes and his duty of restocking cans on shelves and working as a cashier at Walmart hadn't been able to take his mind off of the fact that he'd have to eventually own up to his mistake and apologize to his lavender boy.

But what a sweet mistake it was; Tyler couldn't deny the rush of happiness that washed over him every time his mind went back to that day, when he finally had his baby under his hands and between his teeth.

Tyler's dreampt of nothing other than that for the past week, and he's admittedly been aloof with reality and his friends, Jordan taking the heaviest fire of his behavior.

But either way, Tyler still knows he owes Josh an apology, a promise of keeping another incident like that from happening again, though to be honest, he really doesn't think even vows can stop him at this point. With his week-long sentence of having the privilege of seeing his lavender boy taken away, he'd committed crimes of love with that sweet creature in his mind over and over, their physical separation a mere centimeter of a barrier in Tyler's mind.

'I can love him, and love him, even if he were underground and burning in the earth's core, the fire would be nothing compared to my love,' he thinks absently as he traces the wood of the basement door in calming patterns, 'and distance or time may try to separate us, but it would never even make a difference.'

He sighs, his mind whispering of his draining time. 

He knocks twice, softly, barely even enough to make a sound.

His hands are positively sweating around the rose he's holding, throat twisted like licorice.

When Josh opens a few moments later, his brown eyes sparkle with caramel, his lips quirking up into an immediate smile that warms Tyler's heart.

"H-hi, Josh," he greets shakily, a surge of nervousness shooting through him at the mere sight of the lavender boy that suddenly makes time and place fall away from around him, and it's only them in Tyler's eyes.

"Hi, Tyler," he says, a sweet grin widening on his face when the older boy extends the rose towards him. "F-for me?"

Tyler nods wordlessly, and suddenly, he's forgotten what he was supposed to say, his apology he had practiced and recited all week falling away like nothing more than ashes.

Josh takes the flower, holding it gently in his hands. His delicate fingertips minutely stroke the blood-red petals for a moment before he looks up at Tyler with a shy smile.

Tyler barely even realizes the hand encircling his wrist and tugging him into the room, door falling closed behind them. It's not alarming enough to get him to snap out of his mind, out of the ethereal clouds of Josh's gravitational pull and his very literate pull towards the bed.

Josh gently pushes him over to the mattress, placing his hands on his shoulders and pushing him downward with tentative motions.

Tyler easily descends, Josh's silent but clear wish his only command as he sits on the bed promptly.

"Tyler," Josh whispers, twirling the rose in his hand for a moment before silently placing it behind his ear, the blood-red pressing against pastel purple locks. 

He moves forward, places himself in Tyler's lap, each arms reaching out languidly and wrapping around his neck.

Tyler looks dazed, eyes glazed over as he stares at the lavender boy, and it makes Josh smile.

"That was so sweet, Ty," he murmurs softly, stroking his cold cheek with the back of his knuckles for a moment and warming it from the late November air. "You're so sweet."

"You like it?" Tyler whispers, words stuck in his throat and only coming out in a soft, hopeful tone. 

Josh blinks, flashes of Tyler against him, licking his skin, and he shudders.

"S-so much," he admits under his breath as he leans forward, gently touching the tips of their noses together. 

They're both silent for a little, Josh's arms around Tyler's neck, the latter's arms around his waist and just barely securing the lavender boy's position.

Tyler's eyes fall close, only for a moment, before his angel's previously light and sweet whisper takes on a slightly darker edge as he murmurs, "So, how are things going with my brother?"

Tyler opens his eyes, blinking. He feels jerked out of fantasy clouds with confusion, the strange tone in Josh's voice dripping with seriousness, a bit of his youthful playfulness died down in his chocolate, caramel eyes.

He blinks. "Umm...good?"

Josh frowns. "Tyler," he drawls softly, gently unwinding his arms from around the older's neck and gripping his hands, placing them on his own pudgy thighs and making him whimper a little. "I don't want you to be playing him, he's not a toy."

"All I want is you," Tyler confesses, still confused, throat a little tight with his honesty. "I'm not messing with him, I mean, we're best friends and I love coming here to hang out with him but you're 90% of the reason why."

Josh feels the sickness skyrocket in his stomach, and he quickly stands up, moving off of Tyler and ripping his hands out of his own. 

"That's...th-that's wrong, Ty," Josh says shakily, feeling his heart ache at the confused, lost look on the older boy's face, like he doesn't know what he's doing is so wrong. He quickly turns around, unable to stand the sight of someone as pretty as Tyler while knowing he wouldn't be able to touch him again. "I don't want to just be your f-fuckin' mistress on the side, that's n-not right."

He hears Tyler quickly stand up, moving towards him. He's not able to unglue his feet from the floor and move away fast enough before Tyler's falling to his knees in front of him. 

"Joshie, what on earth are you talking about?" Tyler laughs incredulously, but there's a look and tone of desperation that's dragging him down as he grabs Josh's hands quickly. "I'm not dating Jordan, I never have been."

Josh lifts an eyebrow. "You can't fool me, Ty. I've seen you kiss him and a-all that."

"We're just friends, I swear!" Tyler cries, not even stopping for a moment to ponder over Josh's evidence in fear of the younger boy misunderstanding his hesitance. "Joshie, how could I love him? How could he love me when he only sees me as his best friend?"

Josh doesn't know why, but when Tyler grabs his hands tightly, bringing them up to his slightly chapped lips and kissing the digits gently, there's an unfamiliar feeling in his chest, like the nervous flapping of a hummingbird's wings, making him simultaneously want to jump to the rooftops or get sick.

Still, no matter how incredible the feeling is, Josh can't rest easily with even the thought of completely stealing Jordan's supposed boyfriend away from him (very different from tactical flirting, thank you very much) so he holds Tyler's hands gently, slipping one out and gently petting his soft chestnut hair.

"T-Tyler, are you sure--?"

"Yes," the older boy shuts his eyes tightly as if Josh's doubt is paining him, holding his delicate hand tightly as if he's afraid he'll disappear. "Baby, please..."

Josh swallows the lump in his throat, thinking for a moment before he frames Tyler's cheeks in his hands, gently lifting his face.

He's compliant under Josh's touch, obedient and eager to show the younger his complete and utter devotion.

"I..." Josh gulps. 'I want you,' is what his soul is screaming, but he can't say it, not yet.

Tyler doesn't seem too bothered by his speechlessness though, simply shaking his head and pushing his face into Josh's soft abdomen.

They simply breathe for a moment, neither truly comfortable but willing to pay the price, if only to have each other close.

Josh can't find any words to say, doesn't really know exactly what he wants or needs. All he knows is Tyler feels gentle, seems caring, sweet.

Tyler is afraid to say what he wants, like admitting he's already head-over-heels in love with Josh out loud will only calcify his guilt, so he remains quiet.

They both remain there until a voice behind the door pulls them apart for dinner.

 

••••••

 

There's something quiet, unspoken but present as they sit at the table, communicated in shy glances and flushed cheeks. 

Josh is adorable, keeping his head down and eyes glued to the table shyly. Yet, somehow, he always finds himself looking at Tyler, unable to keep away, even if it's just visually.

It's as if everything has suddenly evolved, morphed into more. And though Josh is somewhat lost and muddled in the avalanche of new feelings, he recognizes the familiar desire for someone's love and affection, though strange as it is.

Tyler feels on top of the world, the slight uncertainty of their relationship and where they currently stood unable to ground him. There's something in Josh's eyes that makes it all worth it, a little more vulnerable honesty and clear desire. It's really all he could ask for.

Neither boys really listen or pay attention to the conversations going around the table, effectively getting lost in one another's eyes and being pulled into each other's worlds when they happen to make eye contact.

Tyler barely registers Jordan kissing his cheek gently, his younger sister, Abigail, squealing in delight and snapping a picture and marveling how cute both looked.

Mrs. Dun smiles. "So Jordan, have you invited Tyler over for Christmas?"

The brunet in question blushes furiously, burying his face in his hands with an embarrassed, almost child-like whine.

"Mom!"

"Oh come on, honey," she laughs, winking at Tyler who willfully snaps himself out of his trance to listen in. "I know you're going to anyways. Might as well do it in advance so he might have a better chance of fitting it into his schedule." She looks over at Tyler for approval.

He blinks, feels something akin to sadness pierce the previous happiness and trickle into his soul. 

"Actually not doing much for the holiday," he admits quietly, smiling a bit tersely as his muscles tighten just the smallest bit at the thought. 

"Oh, really?" Laura looks surprised. 

"Your family doesn't have Christmas celebrations?" Ashley cuts in, looking just as confused.

Tyler feels his heart twist.

"Haven't for a while," he mumbles, gaze dropping to his lap. "A-at least not with...me."

Mr. Dun clears his throat, clearly sensing Tyler's reluctance without missing a beat, and filling what would have been very silent, tense air. "Well, know you're very welcome to spend the holiday here, Tyler."

"Thanks," he smiles tightly, glancing up at the older man before he catches sight of Josh who's sitting by him, looking a bit curiously yet a little sadly at him.

'Are you okay?' is a silent message that swims in Josh's caramel eyes, and Tyler knows he is alright, or at least, will be soon, his lavender angel's comforting gaze really all he needs.

Jordan grips Tyler's hand under the table, and he's also sending silent messages to him that are a bit more obvious, the soft crease between his brows displaying the concern, sincere and sweet.

"I'm fine," Tyler mouths, though he can't lie and say he doesn't still feel a little sad.

The rest of the dinner goes as smooth as it usually does, the little bump in the road they hit quickly being rolled over and forgotten as best as possible.

Tyler's picking up his plate smeared in lasagna sauce, stacking Jordan's empty one above it despite his protest and his half-hearted attempts to take the dirty dishes off his hands.

He looks at Josh, holding his hand out.

"Finished, Joshie?" he inquires gently, smiling at the way his head snaps up, almond eyes wide pools of caramel.

"Oh!" he quickly plucks his half-eaten slice of garlic bread off of the ceramic, smiling shyly as he picks up his plate and places it carefully on the stack Tyler's made.

Their fingers brush, and Tyler feels alive.

Laura stops him just as he begins rinsing off the dishes in the kitchen sink, shooing him away with words of dismissive gratitude. 

Abby peaks in, shifting the glasses on her face.

"Wanna watch a movie with us, Tyler?"

"Sure," he smiles, following her out. He passes Jordan on the way, who grins toothily at him and tells him he'll join him as soon as he speaks to his mother, blowing a kiss his way.

Tyler rolls his eyes but returns the gesture with one of his own, laughing under his breath as he watches his best friend enter the kitchen. He spins on his heel, ready to go to the living room when he's suddenly face-to-face with his best friend's father.

"M-Mr. Dun!" he half-screams, a bit startled at his sudden appearance.

Half of him wonders if the older man saw him and Jordan blowing kisses at one another. That would be awkward.

"Tyler," Mr. Dun says seriously, and the brunet suddenly feels tense, a somewhat dooming quality overshadowing the simple call of his name. 

"Y-yes?"

He stares at Tyler for a few seconds, and the brunet feels uncomfortably scrutinized under the older' dark eyes, his narrowed eyes assessing the younger's threat level, perhaps.

It's tense, to say the least, a teeth-clenching moment on Tyler's behalf.

Mr. Dun sighs.

"Thank you."

And Tyler's taken aback, to say the least.

"From my understanding, you're the one who's encouraging my son to come back home more frequently, if I'm not mistaken," he clarifies. "It's always a joy to have Jordan home, and knowing he has someone like you to watch out for him is comforting."

"Oh," Tyler laughs a bit nervously, rubbing the back of his neck and dropping his eyes to the crème carpet. "O-of course, Mr. Dun. It's my pleasure, really."

The older man nods, flashing Tyler a smile. "It's good to know he has someone to lean on. I can understand why he likes you."

Tyler grins, the last statement flying straight over his head. "Thanks, Mr. Dun."

"It's Bill, please," he shakes his head, still smiling as he begins walking to the kitchen. He stops just as he comes in front of the brunet and places a heavy, large hand on his shoulder. "Thank you for keeping my son happy, it's more than I could ask for."

Tyler nods, feeling his stomach roll, but in a happy way, in the way it'd probably feel to get an important yet joyous duty bestowed on you. Unfortunately, he misses the way Mr. Dun implies the two best friends' relationship; it's just another way he's blind.

"I hope you know you're always welcome in this home just as much as any of my children," he concludes, sending one last smile before he walks away, and for a moment, Tyler's frozen.

And his heart aches.

"Tyler!" Abby's high voice calls from the other room, preppy and upbeat as usual, and it fishes him out of his brain before he begins drowning, before he has the chance to get lost in the forest of his mind.

He's in the living rooms before he knows it, feet moving without much will, glancing at the Dun sisters who sit on the sofa nearby, grinning at him.

"Whew! I thought you would miss the beginning," Abby wipes the imaginary sweat from her forehead, now content with Tyler's arrival and turning her attention to the screen.

Tyler's eyes fall upon the lavender boy who's sitting on a love seat, buried under a plush blanket and staring at the brunet over the edge.

"Ty," he whispers, reaching his pale, long arm out, and the 23 year-old's sure that if he reaches any farther, he could easily grasp his heart and rip it from his chest.

Not that the younger doesn't possess it already.

It takes a second to walk over, his legs a little shaky and feeling like gelatin as he approaches the buried angel.

He sits on the edge of the cream loveseat slowly, tenacious and careful, an unconscious measurement wired in his brain in hopes to avoid scaring the younger. 

Josh only smiles, his almond eyes crinkling as the lights above them are turned low, the sterile white of the TV becoming the only source of illumination in the room. 

"Tyler," he murmurs, and he reaches out slowly, fingers tentatively ghosting over the older boy's hand.

He blinks stupidly.

"C'mere," he whispers, gently tugging Tyler closer, eyes pleading sweetly and lashes fluttering intoxicatingly, and the older is putty in Josh's delicate hands, is easily complying without complaint and sitting closer, closer, and closer until their thighs are pressed, and Josh's face is only a few centimeters away.

He flashes a little, innocent smile at him before turning his attention to the movie, settling into the loveseat with a few wiggles and shifts. 

Tyler can't take his eyes off him the entire time.

No matter how hard he tries to focus his attention on the TV, how many times he turns his head and tries to keep it straight and looking forward, his gaze continually finds itself locked on the lavender boy, on the small angel who's sitting, breathing, living beside him.

It's an intimidating and haunting thought, to have the world's most beautiful boy sitting so close to him, and oftentimes, Tyler's breath feels short, his lungs failing to supply air in a sort of reverent gesture towards Joshua.

It gets worst when the younger's fingertips slowly but surely make their way to Tyler's knee, and the twenty-three year old wonders if it's conscious or not, but it begins slowly dancing, tapping against his skin in a morse code that Tyler's dying to understand.

Short tap, long, short, short, long.

He pretends Josh is saying 'I love you.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all are doing okay ❤️ Again, apologies for the tardiness of the update but I've been so busy and stressed out I actually considered skipping this week's chapter until I read all of your guys' sweet motivating comments. I can't thank any of you enough, and I really mean it when I say I appreciate the support from the bottom of my black little heart ❤️
> 
> Love you all!! Thank you for being the best!


	20. Chapter Twenty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wait I can explain T_T
> 
> I was trying to check my chapters to see if they were all in correct order cuz I had a bunch of frickin drafts and I accidentally deleted the chapter I just uploaded ;-; I'm literally so fricking stupid and sorry

Over the course of the next few weeks, Tyler becomes more addicted than he's ever been.

Josh is definitely a drug, he comes to realize more and more, as the younger boy's presence seems to hit him with a dazed, intense sweetness, making him forget all of his other problems and instead focus on the good. Which mainly led in him going in circles, always coming back to his lavender boy.

He isn't really one to like the feeling of getting his hopes up; only when he's certain will he ever wish with all of his heart for something to happen. So when he begins realizing that Josh may be suffering from the same effect (if his loving caramel eyes and gentle touches were anything to go by), it makes his heart palpitate dangerously, probably even more so when Josh first shyly offered to exchange numbers with him.

Tyler found the younger's texts to be just as cute as he was, maybe somehow even cuter with the small shy questions he'd frequently get asked on a daily basis.

It was easy for them to get to know the basics of one another, or at least, it was for Tyler. Favorite foods, colors, vacation places were all tucked away in a special part of the brunet's brain, where every little bit of information was clung onto with a death grip. It was all Tyler really had during the long weekdays where he'd sit in class or at his mundane work. And by the end of a week or so, Tyler was convinced he knew his angel just as well as he knew his best friend.

So when he saw Josh again, such a bold streak of confidence and familiarity came with the sight of his sweet angel, standing behind the window of the front door and waiting with a shy smile, waiting for Tyler, that he rushed forward immediately, pushing past the front door without hesitation and quickly swooping up the younger in his arms, spinning him a little.

Josh had cried, held onto Tyler tightly as he giggled into his neck. 

"Tyler." Just his name on the lavender boy's tongue was enough for his soul to melt like a lemon drop, his face still hidden in Josh's hair to conceal the warm blush spreading over his cheeks like jam.

"I'm so happy," is the first thing he can't help but say, and it's ironic, thinking that only a few months ago, he was completely down in the dumps and miserable, with nothing in life to offer or make him happy. He never imagined just saying the words would have such an impact on him, that his soul would feel a little bit jolted as he realized just how helplessly happy he feels.

How helplessly happy Josh makes him feel.

Josh smiles up at him. "I'm happy, too. Now that you're..." Josh's speech trails off slowly, confusing Tyler for a moment before he catches notice of the younger boy's eyes: they trail over Tyler's shoulder, clearly stopping they're journey once they're locked on something (or, really, someone). It's enough to prompt Tyler to turn his head quickly, glancing over his own shoulder and feeling his stomach for slightly.

Jordan stands, leaning against the white frame of the front door with a quirked eyebrow and a tight lip, his face betraying the fact that he'd probably seen everything (or at least enough to piece together what was happening).

"No, no, go on," he prompts, and Tyler can't tell if he's being serious or joking, if he's happy or upset. "This is all very sweet."

Tyler slowly puts down Josh, letting his soft feet press against the floor before letting him go. Josh, however, seems to have different plans, as his hands still clutch at Tyler's arms with no intention of letting go any time soon.

Jordan, seeing the lack of movement clear as day, walks over, and Tyler quickly looks down at Joshua, his brow furrowing as he racks his mind in trying to figure out a course of action.

Needless to say, it comes as a surprise when he suddenly feels his arms coming to wrap gently around his waist from behind, and it's undoubtedly Jordan, his familiar, toned chest pressing against Tyler's back. 

Tyler's frozen for a moment, but he lets one of his hands fall to Jordan's arms all the same, gently running the tips of his fingers against his best friend's skin out of habit. 

Deep inside, there's a seed of fear in his heart that, maybe, just maybe, Jordan can see what's going on between his best friend and his little brother, between Tyler's own distance to him as the former was kept occupied with school and texting Josh pretty much all week, and now with their slightly over-the-top reunion to raise more eyebrows. 

Tyler takes a calming breath to slow his heart, knowing he could somehow pull himself and his lavender boy out of it if he had to, (though, he thinks with a heavy heart, it would probably take some sort or form of lying he was definitely not looking forward to).

He feels the arms around his waist gently relax, feels a deep inhale Jordan takes in before he speaks.

"Careful, baby. You're gonna break my heart." Jordan's voice is calm, mellow, and maybe that's what makes Tyler feel immediately guilty, even though his statement could very well be addressed to the lavender boy instead of him.

Josh blinks, and Tyler's close enough to see the lining of tears around the delicate rims of his eyes, the slight wobble in his pretty bottom lip. A part of him wants to turn around and punch Jordan for making the younger boy cry, a defensive streak nearly taking dominion over his actions if another part of him didn't want to see what his angel would do. The fact that Josh had been texting and conversing with Tyler about how he wanted to eventually come around and apologize to Jordan for cold-shouldering him for the past month or two earlier that week was merely another factor that stopped Tyler from immediately resorting to violence.

It doesn't take long for Josh to spring into action, though little it is. He takes a shuddering breath, stepping a little closer to Jordan and, essentially, to Tyler, the only barrier between them.

His shining eyes are so much prettier up close, so much richer in amber chocolate and golden caramel. And even closer, Tyler can see little bits of emerald that pierce his heart with their stunning beauty, reflecting in the afternoon sunlight with vibrant green.

Being between the two brothers at that moment is an experience that somehow seems intimate to the point of it being unnatural somehow, the soft breathing of Jordan brushing past Tyler's ear and the gentle yet firm arms encircling his waist, the close-up beauty of the lavender boy that Tyler could easily get lost in.

"Jordan," Josh mumbles before pushing forward and pressing himself against Tyler, wrapping his arms around and trying to reach his older brother. 

Tyler feels the arms unwrap from around his waist, sees them close around Josh as best as they can reach. 

For a moment, it feels a little awkward, not only because Tyler really didn't know where to put his hands or arms or anything, but because everything seemed so fragile, like the moment was a delicate soap bubble that could easily burst with one soft breeze.

Eventually, he finds it in himself to turn a little so he can put an arm over Jordan's shoulder, and one over Josh's. The two boys are quick to incorporate him into their embrace, resting their heads on his shoulders with little, content sighs.

It's a strange, three-way hug, but they make it work somehow, and for a moment, Tyler feels something deep inside, a sort of happiness that's wildly different from his first sense of it. There's an unfamiliar, rare sort of peace swimming in his chest, and he finds it's something he holds onto, even when Josh lifts his head and pulls away just the slightest from his older brother.

"I'm sorry," he whispers, and Tyler swears his heart aches at the trail of tears on his face, at the way Jordan's face crumples in similar sadness as he pulls the younger closer, wiping away his tears as he frames his face with his hands lovingly.

"It's okay," Jordan forgives. "I'm not gonna lie and say it didn't hurt me to see you... act the way you were, but I understand--"

It all happens so fast, with Josh lunging forward and nearly knocking his older brother off his feet, holding him with an almost violent vigor and clearly unable to keep away any longer. His hands are clutching Jordan's soft, periwinkle shirt in tight fists, desperate paws tugging as little whines of need slip from his lips.

"It's okay, I'm here, I've always been here," Jordan says gently, and when he looks up at Tyler with a little smile, the latter can't help but smile too.

It isn't long before he finds himself frowning, however.

 

••••••

 

At first, Tyler thought that with Jordan in the equation once more, his chances of having Joshua's affections had, once again, dropped at an all time low, and it made him pout for a while, feeling as if he was so close, only to have failed so spectacularly once more.

However, as time went on, Tyler began realizing that it was the complete opposite. 

With Jordan being another outlet of affection for his lavender boy once again, it only seemed to open the younger up more, making him a little more free with his own affection.

The tenseness once previously a staple in Josh's hugs had become non-existent, his little limbs completely lax as he pressed himself into Tyler's arms. Even better was the way he seemed to gain a streak of boldness, taking Tyler's hands to hold in his own on a few, random occasions, holding them close and stroking his skin.

But even better was probably the way he seemed to encourage Tyler to touch him a little more, whether it was through grabbing his hands and letting them roam over his body whenever they cuddled on the couch, or when he'd silently dance his fingertips over Tyler's tanned skin in a exploratory way, inviting Tyler with big, caramel eyes to do the same.

With Jordan able to pour his love over the younger once more, it almost seemed to work like a free pass for Tyler, as it was much less strange or confusing for everyone when Joshua ran up to hug his brother first, and then his best friend, a shy, triumphant smile on his face. No one batted an eye or questioned Joshua's choice of giving his love to Tyler, because instead of the previous arrangement with only Tyler on the receiving end of his love, now there were two.

Josh was having his cake, and eating it too, and Tyler couldn't be more happy.

It's really to be expected, what happens next. 

Tyler's just getting out of the bathroom, running a fluffy towel over his hair vigorously in an effort to dry it off. He's shirtless, letting the lotion sink into his skin before covering it with clothes, his only barrier between his modesty and complete nudity a small pair of boxers that barely covered his ass.

He walks into the basement to get his clothes, expecting it to be empty and assuming that Josh and Jordan were still upstairs, eating their momma's pie like how they were when he'd excused himself to wash up. 

However, upon opening the door, he hears soft giggles, the bed creaking. 

He peeks inside at first, curiosity getting the better of him, and the sight that meets his eyes is unfamiliar, foreign in the way he'd never seen it before but eerily reminiscent of earlier days.

Jordan and Josh are lying on the bed, the older boy on top of the other, enjoying Josh's little giggles and shrieks as he kissed the skin of his neck. Looking close enough, Tyler could see the slight nibble against Josh's collarbone and clavicle that made him cry out, the sheen of the lipbalm Jordan was always wearing smeared out on Josh's skin like glaze. 

Tyler's unable to say much, only able to walk into the room just far enough to close the door. When Josh's delicate arms wrap around Jordan's neck and pull him closer, his dazed gaze falls upon Tyler slowly like syrup. 

His eyes brighten for moment, a large smile taking over his face, and Tyler watches his hand slip down Jordan's back, stopping just at his hip and giving the older boy a gentle tap on his ass.

Jordan looks up at him immediately, a questioning look on his slightly blushed face. When Josh jerks his head silently over to Tyler, the latter feels immediately under fire as Jordan looks at him.

There's something about that particular moment, Jordan's usual carefree, happy disposition warped by some sort of dark, possessive look in his eye at the sight of Tyler, the desire for more skin and bones clear as he reaches out his hand to his best friend. 

Tyler feels as if he has no choice but to obey, helplessly pulled into not only Jordan's but also Joshua's magnetic field. 

When his hand touches Jordan's, he somewhat expects the younger to pull him down or do something equally as violent, what with that strange look on his face. 

However, he simply sits up, pulling his leg on one of Josh's sides over so he's sitting with his legs pressed and folded together; when he tugs Tyler down, it's a gentle, pleading movement, very much unlike what Tyler was expecting.

The brunet silently sits beside his best friend, letting himself be wrapped up in the younger's arms. 

Jordan's lips immediately find his skin, darting down to his shoulder to gently speckle kisses over his golden-tan skin.

Josh sits up with an intrigued, curious look as well, flashing a shy smile at Tyler as he scoots over to be closer. 

With Jordan already touching his skin, he feels every goose bump rising to attention, the slight hair on his arms standing up as Jordan's gentle lips press against his skin, his hands coming to rest on the older boy's bare stomach. 

However, when his lavender boy shyly presses his hand against Tyler's chest, capturing his attention easily and keeping steady eye contact with the older boy, Tyler nearly loses the ability to breathe when Josh slowly lowers himself, lips ghosting over his collarbone for a moment before they're against his neck, suckling softly.

"Baby," he moans in a hushed-tone, heart melting at the way Josh glances up at him, crinkling his almond eyes in reply, echoing the tiny mannerism he always seemed to do when he smiled.

"Ty..." Jordan whispers against his shoulder, breath warm. "Me and Joshie have a proposition."

"H-huh?" Tyler blinks, mind slightly hazy and slow like molasses, his ability to think as clearly and sharply as he normally did dulled; he's unable to pick up the little tinge of nervousness in Jordan's voice, the look the two brothers share with each other.

What Joshua says next makes him choke on thin air. "Sleep with us."

That's how they end up tangled in the youngest boy's twin bed, soft sheets and blankets wrapped around them and nearly suffocating Tyler, though it could have very well just been from the nervousness. 

For the first fifteen minutes of complete darkness, lying only a few inches apart from either brothers on each side, he berates himself mentally, hating how his mind so quickly assumed the most inappropriate meaning behind Josh's soft-worded, innocent plead.

He doesn't have much time to brew in self-hatred though, as Jordan somehow senses his mental anguish like he always does, rolling over silently as his arm curls around Tyler's waist.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Tyler lies softly, a quiet but desperate lie lurking in the dark recesses of his soul but refusing to come up into the light. He can't just admit he's somewhat... disappointed? Underwhelmed? He doesn't really know what the feeling is, but it isn't good.

"If you're uncomfortable--"

"No, this is good," Tyler interrupts his best friend, looking over at him though he's sure it doesn't turn out to be the comforting gesture he was trying to make it out to be, what with the pitch-black darkness surrounding them. "I'm fine, J."

"Good," Josh's soft voice murmurs, and for a moment, it startles Tyler, in the sense that he really hadn't been expecting it, still unaccustomed to having another person beside Jordan in the bed. "I... I want you to stay, if you p-please."

Tyler's heart melts a little, Josh's own nervousness so apparent that even a blind man could see it. He rolls over, slowly reaching his hand out before he feels a feverish warmth, radiating high.

"Anything for you," Tyler affirms gently, not giving himself the pleasure or satisfaction of touching Joshua without any sight or verbal cues to allow him, but instead letting his hand simply bask in the human warmth radiating from Josh's skin. He turns his head to where Jordan is, "and you too, sweet boy."

He practically feels Jordan smile, and for some reason, his heart aches as arms wrap around him from behind, so nostalgically familiar as a nose nuzzles into the crook of his neck.

It's perfection at its finest when he feels the bed shift, Josh lying his body just by Tyler's side so they're chests are pressing, a delicate hand coming up to rest against the brunet's forearm.

"I love you," Jordan whispers, and it's so pure and sweet, the way he kisses Tyler's skin once before sighing contentedly, hand reaching out and grasping Josh's. "I love you both."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhh sorry again... I'll try to make sure this doesn't happen X_X it's just so dang motherfrickin early
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this and it was alright ❤️ Love you all and hope you enjoyed this last happy/confusing chapter. If things go my way, you'll probably get some answers to your questions next week.... I hope...
> 
> (Yell at me if that don't happen)


	21. Chapter Twenty Øne

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lemme just start off by sayin I owe y'all an apology
> 
> Not only for updating a day late but also for what you are about to read
> 
> Issa lot so get the popcorn

Despite the emotional highs and general happiness of the past few weeks having been tasted and experienced, it doesn't last forever. It ends rather abruptly, surprisingly, and the exact opposite of happiness is what Tyler wakes up to.

The first thing he registers is soft humming filling the air like early morning sunlight, muffled sobbing.

It takes a while to unglue his eyes and open them, the sleep keeping them stubbornly shut for a while.

It's still dark, like when they all first fell asleep, but there's a little light peeking through the blinds, illuminating two silhouettes. It's not difficult to make out Jordan's, strong and toned as usual, his soft hums filling the air and placing a heavy yet comforting tone to the whole situation.

It takes a little for Tyler's eyes to adjust and see Joshua, but when he does, he's a little more awake, a little more aware of what's going on.

His little angel is tucked into Jordan's lap, clinging onto him like a child as he cries, little gasps and shuddering sobs leaving his mouth and passing through Jordan's chest distorted and muffled.

He sits up silently, voice too rough and mind too slow to really grasp what's happening, rubbing his eyes. At first he wonders how Josh ended up in Jordan's side, somewhat a little disturbed at the tipping of the scales. 

Jordan's humming stops for a moment, probably having seen Tyler sit up. 

"Ty, sweetheart, 'm sorry," he yawns tiredly, reaching over and grabbing the older boy's hand and literally grasping his attention. Tyler blinks sleepily at him. "Did I wake you up?"

The brunet doesn't answer, instead letting his gaze drop to where his Joshua is. He's not really sobbing anymore, probably having been startled out of it. The only thing that's coming out of his sweet mouth are little gasps for air and smothered hiccups, sniffles.

"Joshie..." his lips mouth, voice still unusable as he leans over, wrapping his lavender boy into his arms. He doesn't think much when he does it, his sleepy mind simply craving warmth, human contact. He doesn't sense Josh's violent shaking, the little whimper that leaves his mouth when he touches him, only in hindsight does he remember seeing those little hints of fear.

Jordan sees them though, and Tyler feels him rub Josh's arm gently, hushing him. 

"Shhh, shhh, baby, it's just Ty-Ty," he soothes, but that only seems to work up the younger even more, as he begins drawing in hyperventilated breaths and whining softly. "Joshie--"

He breaks out of Tyler's arms and Jordan's grasp before either realize it, quickly darting out of bed and out the door.

The two best friends sit there in stunned silence for a moment before Tyler's throwing off the blankets and quickly pushing himself off the bed to follow the younger, but he's stopped by a hand encircling his wrist.

"Tyler, don't," Jordan says softly, and his eyes are dead serious when the brunet looks down at him confusedly. 

"Why?" he mouths.

"He needs to be alone right now when he gets like this," the younger boy sighs, tugging Tyler until he sits back on the bed begrudgingly. "You're just gonna make him curl up into his shell even more if you try to get him to come out when he's not ready."

"So we just leave him?" Tyler concludes a little bitterly, voice finally coming into play but horribly scratchy and unusually deep from the early morning use, a deep frown painted on his face.

"We have to, trust me," Jordan sighs, pressing his lips tightly together for a moment before tugging on his wrist. "C'mere..." 

When Tyler reluctantly complies and lies beside his best friend, Jordan curls around him like he usually does, arm around his waist and head on his chest, gently writing patterns with his fingertips across his skin.

While Tyler lies there in silence, he can't help but feel his heart calling out for his lavender boy, craving his small body to hold and love; then, he muses, he would be complete. 

They lie there for about half an hour, without one word exchanged between them (though a part of Tyler wonders if Jordan's trying to write words against his chest in a form of silent communication). So when the door creaks open, the little sound seems louder in Tyler's ears, like the waves crashing violently against a beach or an avalanche tumbling down and threatening a cold and swift death.

His neck practically dislocates with how violently he snaps his head towards the door, breath getting caught in his lungs in hopeful anticipation.

When he sees Josh walk in, eyes cast downwards, a set frown on his pretty lips, he can't help but feel relieved.

"Joshie," Jordan calls out softly when the younger boy simply stands idle by the door, eyes never leaving the floor. "Baby, come here."

Tyler sees him blink, gulp a little before walking over. His cheeks are a fresh pink up close, his eyelashes still clinging to one another and wet with tears. 

Tyler can't help but practically push Jordan off, sitting up quickly and opening his arms. 

"Josh," he says quietly, smiling softly when the younger looks at him embarrassedly. "Let me hold you, love."

Josh hesitates, glancing at his older brother who nods encouragingly. He's slow when he slips down to sit on the bed, right between Tyler's folded knees, and completely silent as he pushes forward, burying his face into Tyler's chest.

The previous laxness of Josh's body is all but gone as Tyler wraps his arms around him, and he's as tense as the first day he hugged the older boy, shaking a little.

"What's wrong, J?" Tyler murmurs softly into the younger boy's ear, heart aching at the way he whines and shakes his head. "Sweetheart..."

He feels Jordan's hand press against his shoulder, and when he looks back, the younger boy is shaking his head cautiously.

Tyler frowns before looking down at his lavender boy, gently grasping his chin and tilting his head up.

When they lock eyes, Tyler finds his full of fear, bursting with anxiety and sadness. It takes his breath away for a moment, the emotional overload happening in his beautiful eyes too much to bear all at once.

"Joshie..." he leans down to kiss the younger boy, wanting to comfort him any way he could and take out that horrible look that didn't belong in his eyes, but Josh seems to recognize his intentions rather quickly, squeaking out a tiny "No," before pushing his face back into Tyler's chest, blocking any kiss he could receive from the older as he begins shaking even more.

Tyler feels like someone shot him straight in the heart, and he looks up at Jordan with betrayed eyes.

"Why?" Tyler mouths to him, desperate for answers.

"Later," Jordan says softly, and what he's referring to, Tyler doesn't know, but he hopes it means he'll get answers.

That entire Saturday, Josh is emotionally and mentally distant, silent. At first, Tyler thinks he's just embarrassed about having a rather intense panic attack in the morning, but he begins realizing that it runs much deeper than that, the flush in Josh's cheeks all but gone and replaced with a pallidness, a lack of color in both his face and his eyes. 

He sits on the couch, stares out the window, curls himself into the tiniest ball possible, holds his mug of tea Jordan made him hours ago until it runs completely cold.

He seems dead, and it scares Tyler more than anything. 

So he tries to bring him back to life, turns on all of Josh's favorite shows and movies, pulls him into his arms and cuddles him. And Josh is completely lax, falling any way Tyler wants him to and letting the older boy spoon him, but it's somehow worse than if he were tense, trying to fight back. 

The look in his eyes, the body mannerisms, the absolute silence; everything about Josh seems to scream that he's given up.

It frustrates Tyler so unspeakably much that he's close to tears every time he tries to talk to the younger boy, shaking him like a child trying to bring a parent out of their drunken stupor. 

"Baby, come back," he whispers into Josh's ear, pressing his face into his pale lavender curls. "Please..."

By afternoon, Jordan's grabbing Josh by his shoulders and dragging him up from the couch, all but startling Tyler who'd been pressed into his back all day long. 

"Hey, w-what are you doing?" Tyler stutters, mind a mess as he watches Jordan dust the younger off like he's a vegetable pulled straight from the dirt. 

"I'm gonna bring him to get his hair re-colored," Jordan says softly. "He might as well be getting something done while he's not really..." he blinks at his younger brother, "..here."

"I'll come," Tyler quickly gets off the couch, and Jordan lifts an eyebrow. 

"You sure? It takes a while," Jordan bites his lip. "You can just stay here and chill at the house if you want."

Something in his protective sense screams it's a horrible idea, to let Joshie go alone (even if his older brother was there), so he shakes his head. "I'll go."

 

••••••

 

The air smells like shampoo and chemicals while they wait for Josh's hair to be finished, magazines open on Jordan's lap as he reads silently and Tyler's phone in hand (although, to be honest, he was really just keeping his eyes on Josh). Jordan's head is heavy on Tyler's shoulder, his breaths slow. For a moment, Tyler thinks he's sleeping, but he's proven wrong when the younger boy grips his hand, bringing it to his lips and kissing it 'I love you.'

Tyler kisses his hand back, still keeping his eyes locked on the boy in the styling seat.

Jordan had been sure to pick the color Josh had wanted, though Tyler unfortunately missed its announcement due to the fact that he was so focused on making sure his lavender boy didn't fall over while standing, his slight sway in his stance proving to be somewhat dangerous.

Now they wait, and it's already been about three hours. Jordan had offered countless times for Tyler to take his keys and his car and go to the mall or something while he waited for Josh, but Tyler didn't and still doesn't want to let the younger go out of his sight, especially not in the condition he's currently in. 

Another hour and they're washing out Josh's hair, enduring Tyler's heavy, envious gaze as the girl runs her hands through Josh's now blue locks of hair, tousling them about as she dries them with a blowdryer.

When they release him, he stumbles a little, having been seated for so long his legs are clearly suffering from a jelly-like state. Jordan rushes forward, catching the younger in his arms and pressing a kiss to his freshly dyed and washed, curled locks. 

He holds Josh while he gets his wallet, paying for the appointment. Josh's shallow gaze falls on Tyler, who stands close behind. 

Gone is his lavender boy, Tyler muses sadly, and here is his cerulean darling.

While they drive in the car, Tyler turns back, helping Josh's shaky hands buckle his seatbelt in. 

He captures Josh's creamy chin for a moment before pulling back, staring into his familiar, almond eyes.

"Your hair looks beautiful, love," he says softly, and he swears he sees the corner of Josh's mouth tilt up.

 

••••••

 

Mrs. Dun emphatically thanks the two boys when they get back, clearly happy to have the errand completed and checked off her list. 

She only frowns, however, when she sees the youngest Dun scratching his head with a pained look, remarking how Josh's skin is a little stained. She's making dinner when Jordan offers to help wipe the borders of Josh's face free of the deep, ocean blue dye, and he drags the younger off the bathroom and leaves Tyler with his parent.

In truth, the brunet doesn't mind being left in the kitchen too much, enjoying every member of Jordan's family (especially one in particular but that was obvious already). He offers to help Mrs. Dun with a smile, and it's not long before he's chopping onions for a beef stew that's simmering on the stove top.

Jordan's mother questions him casually as they talk, her motherly curiosity peeking in. Tyler answers every question easily, not really thinking much when he does so and honestly more focused on chopping the onions, which is why when she asks him when his birthday is, he reveals that it was a few weeks beforehand without a second thought.

"December 1st?" she repeats, her mouth dropped in incredulity. 

Tyler blinks. "Umm...yeah..?"

"Did you do anything special? With the family or Jordan or something?" Laura presses, looking legitimately concerned that he hadn't celebrated his twenty fourth birthday properly.

Tyler shrugs. "Not really. Jordan just got me a cake and a few presents and that was it."

"Oh honey, you should've told me!" She comes over and rubs his arm with a warm, motherly look in her eyes. "We would've thrown a party for you, y'know."

Tyler smiles, heart undoubtedly glowing. "Aww...thank you."

She nods once before turning quickly and shouting, "Jordan!"

"Yeah?" is his distant shout back.

"Get down here, young man!" 

And if Jordan would've known he'd get grilled for throwing such a 'pathetic and sad celebration,' he probably wouldn't have run down so fast, but Tyler's too busy laughing and crying to hear his mother declare solidly that 'as Jordan's boyfriend, he deserved better treatment.'

"B-but mom! He said he didn't want anything big!" Jordan somewhat whines, curling a little into himself when she glares.

"That doesn't mean you shouldn't at least take him out, honey," she frowns disapprovingly. "You really should make it up to him."

"Take him out to the club!" Abigail shouts from the other room, a mischievous tone in her voice. 

Jordan's eyes widen, and he glances over at Tyler with an enlightened look, not to mention a large smile as well.

"Honey!" Mrs. Dun shouts disapprovingly at her daughter, missing the way Jordan nods eagerly at Tyler.

"Alright, I'll bring him out," Jordan pretends to sigh, dropping the smile from his face in lieu of making it seem like he was completely disregarding his younger sister's suggestion when his mother glanced at him.

A satisfactory smile spreads over her face. "Good."

 

•••••••

 

"The club?" 

"Yes, Bren, the club," Josh repeats softly, pinching the bridge of his nose. "At least that's what I heard."

There's a pause on the other end of the phone before Brendon nearly shouts. 

"That's perfect!!!" 

"What?" Josh frowns. "But there's no way I can sneak in; I don't have an ID."

"Leave it to me, darling, leave it to me," Brendon laughs. "But I think the important question is, how do you feel about wearing a dress?"

 

••••••

 

Despite the alignment of occasions and people, the way that coincidences seem to be set in stone for a reason, there are times when Tyler questions the galaxy; this is one of those times.

It's late and loud on a Sunday evening, the lights flashing in the dark room and illuminating the shimmering bodies on the dance floor. Tyler's sitting at one of the red stools in the bar, sipping on a blue alcoholic drink that weirdly reminded him of a Hawaiian-flavored Red Bull. 

Jordan's sitting beside him, holding his hand while he sips on his rum and coke, flashing him shy, dark looks.

"Baby?"

Tyler tilts his head as he hums in acknowledgment.

"You look so frickin' handsome tonight," Jordan declares, and it shouldn't make Tyler double over in laughter but it does. Maybe it's the alcohol getting to him.

"Jordan, that's, like, the seventh time you told me tonight!" he giggles though his cheeks burn a little, the prospect of someone finding him good-looking making him blush.

It would be a lie to say that Tyler didn't try to look his best tonight, with his wild hair tamed down in a light coating of mousse and his skintight pink button-up accentuating his somewhat soft yet toned body type, not to mention his black jeans that were hugging all the right places. 

Tyler supposed he took the compliment much more sincerely since it was coming from Jordan, who was, undoubtedly and unquestionably, one of the prettiest persons there that night, with his black button-up and tight white jeans. His curly hair sat on his head, framing his face so naturally and easily with minimum styling that it made Tyler jealous.

"It's true," Jordan shrugs.

"Thanks," Tyler smiles, "you know what I think about you: you're beautiful."

Jordan blushes, glancing down as he lets out a little, "Aww, shucks, Ty."

Tyler grins before finishing the rest of his drink and spinning on his seat to look at the dance floor. The music is loud, the bass bouncing off the walls and beating into Tyler's skull. Oddly enough, he doesn't mind too much.

He waits patiently for Jordan to finish his drink, but before he knows it, he's being confronted by a girl in a skintight cocktail dress, blazing red even in the lowlights.

"Hey baby," is the high-pitched giggle that introduces him to her, and he looks over to see her standing less than an arm's length away, clearly checking him out as her eyes roam over his body. At first, Tyler feels a little self conscious, his posture tensing for a moment, but the blonde doesn't seem to notice, only smiling. 

"You're cute," she remarks, holding up a glass of whiskey to him.

"Thanks," he smiles tightly before glancing at the drink. He grimaces internally at the thought of getting roofied, "but no thanks."

"Oh, c'mon! How many girls will buy a guy a drink?" she laughs as if she's incredulous that he's refusing such a great service she's offering, and Tyler frowns a little.

"He doesn't want it 'cause he's mine," Jordan speaks up, peeking over Tyler's shoulder. "Get lost, squidward."

The girl gasps, hand flying to cover her gaping mouth and the large bangles encircling her wrist hit her chin. She all but rushes away, red with anger or embarrassment, Tyler doesn't know, but she's gone so quickly it almost startles him. 

He doesn't notice that Jordan's talking to him over the loud music, not until a hand gentle strokes his arm and he sees Jordan mouth 'Are you okay?'

Tyler blinks. "Umm... uhh, yeah."

"Wait," Jordan pauses, looking worried for a moment. His voice lowers a bit despite the fact that it's barely even loud enough to be heard over the blasting music. "You weren't...into her, were you?"

"H-huh?" Tyler glances back at where she left, and he can clearly see her on the dance floor, rubbing up against some guy. "I mean...she's pretty."

Jordan's quiet for a little, and Tyler feels him grasp his chin as he gently forces the older boy to look him in the eye. 

"You're not into...sharing like that, are you?" he asks so quietly Tyler can only see his lips forming the words, his eyes completely serious and intrigued.

"N-not...really..?" Tyler blinks, somewhat confused at the seemingly random question, not knowing how truly relevant it was between them.

Jordan pulls back, a calculating look on his face. All he lets out is a soft hum as he nods, seeming to think Tyler's words over for a moment before he grabs his drink, chugging the rest down quickly.

There's a weird tension that suddenly overcasts them both like a bunch of gray, fluffy, storm clouds, and it's not long before Tyler's squirming in the uncomfortableness of it all.

"Good thing I'm yours, huh?" Tyler jokes weakly, a layer of ice seeming to beg to just be broken between them.

His horrible joke seems to do the trick though, as Jordan smiles at him, grabbing his hand and kissing his palm for a moment.

"Let's dance."

The floor is crowded with so many young bodies, people guaranteed to run into each other without needing to move much.

Tyler keeps his distance from others though, the thought of bumping into someone without the intention or desire to making him feel a little queasy. 

Maybe it was the fact that he was somewhat of a naturally shy person. Maybe it was the alcohol.

Jordan presses up against him, arms around his waist as they sway languidly to the slow beat of the song, but he's fine with it. If anything, it reduces his chances of bumping into any strangers with his back, really.

Jordan's breath is soft, warm against his neck as he presses gentle kisses to its column, sweet in his gentle ministrations. They're dancing silently for a few songs, just letting the beats soak into their souls without passing any words to one another. It's when a slower, more 'chill' song begins playing that Jordan speaks.

"Our parents would murder us if they saw what we're doing, huh?" Jordan murmurs against his skin, pulling the brunet's hips closer. 

"Mine wouldn't care," Tyler says honestly as he tries to wash down the somewhat bitter taste in his throat that comes with hearing someone mention them, holding the younger's arms securely around his waist. "But let's not to talk about them, it's my birthday."

Jordan giggles. "Spoiled," he mumbles, kissing Tyler's cheek before pulling away a little despite Tyler's whine of disapproval.

"Gotta use the restroom, be right back, baby boy," he winks, slapping Tyler's ass gently before quickly walking away. 

"Jordan!" Tyler shouts, blushing feverishly red as the younger spins, grinning coyly at him before disappearing into the crowd.

It's not long after Jordan leaves that Tyler walks back over to the bar, deciding to catch his breath a little. He's ordering a water when his ears pick up on a conversation.

"C'mon, you're so pretty, baby girl."

"I s-said I didn't want to."

"It'll be fun."

Tyler looks over, and frowns at the sight of a large man holding a tiny girl by the wrist; despite how dark it is in the room, he's clearly pulling her to the exit despite the shaking of her head and her rejecting words.

He walks over, feeling a little sick to his stomach as it seems like he's the only one out of the hundreds there that seem to notice what's going on. 

"Hey!" he shouts over the music, quickly marching up and grabbing the girl's other wrist. He nearly misses it because he can barely make out their figures in the flashing lights even up close.

They both look at him, Tyler not minding to pay much attention to the girl but instead glaring at the man.

"What?" he huffs gruffly.

"She isn't interested, douchebag," Tyler spits, managing to somehow pull out his phone seamlessly and hold it up without shaking, despite the nervous adrenaline coursing through his veins. "Let her go or I'm calling the cops."

The man huffs, glancing at the young girl before shoving her into Tyler. "Fine, you can deal with this bitch."

He leaves the club like an angry storm, all six feet of him buzzing with alcohol and hatred.

Tyler sighs, still holding the girl he caught as he pulls his eyes off the exit once it slams shut behind the large cretin.

"You okay--"

In that moment, a flash of a white light strobe illuminates the girl, and it's like time freezes when he's met with unmistakably familiar almond eyes, burning chocolate and caramel even in the low lights of the building.

The ocean-colored hair is also a dead giveaway.

Tyler can't form any words, not even if he tried. He's just staring incredulously at the younger, like he can't believe it's really who he thinks it is. 

He glances down at the 'girl,' looking for something, anything to prove his assumption wrong. But it only gets worse when he sees the fitted white dress that clings to familiarly thick hips, dipping low enough to display a familiar lavender bralette in all it's lacy glory. 

The more differences he tries to find to distinctly separate his Joshua and this person apart in his mind only work at solidifying one thing. 

"Josh?"

Tyler turns, seeing Jordan standing beside him with large eyes. He doesn't need much light to see the red wash of anger veiling his face.

Nearly two minutes later, Tyler and Joshua are being dragged out by a furious Jordan, barely making it out to the dim, street-lamp golden sidewalk before he's yelling.

"What the fuck, Josh?" he shouts, grabbing the younger by the shoulders tightly and shaking him. "What the actual fuck?! What are you doing?!"

The moment the older boy stops shaking him, Tyler sees the fear bleeding out of the younger boy's eyes in the form of tears, and his heart aches at how wordless, helpless Josh seems as he opens his mouth, lips trembling with nothing coming out.

"How--why did you--?"

Jordan releases him, burying a hand in his hair as he paces a little, clearly trying to gather his thoughts to string together a coherent sentence.

Meanwhile, Tyler grabs Josh's arm, and the poor thing is shaking like a scared animal, clearly wanting nothing more than to curl up in a small ball and hide away.

"Josh, how did you even get in?" Tyler presses, voice firm but gentle all at once, knowing one of the two older boys had to be the more careful, sensitive one, no matter how much his mind just wanted to scream at how dangerous and stupid the whole situation is. 

"I-I got a fake ID, but it was a girl's, so I..." Josh is interrupted by his own sobbing, a few tears trailing down his cheeks. Jordan spins around, glaring at the younger while the latter whimpers, "Please don't be mad."

"Don't be mad?" Jordan repeats, no longer shouting but somehow sounding and coming off even more upset. "You get a fake ID, which is illegal, sneak into the club dressed like that, not even trying to hide yourself or blend in, almost get dragged away by some fuckin' asshole to be raped!"

Josh flinches, a choked sob catching in his throat, but it doesn't seem to stop Jordan in his tirade as he finishes, "Have I stated enough reasons to be angry or would you like me to go back farther than the last hour?"

They're all completely silent for a minute, Josh staring at Jordan brokenly, the tears falling from his eyes silent but drilling bulletwound impacts into both older boys' hearts. 

Tyler glances at him, narrowing his eyes as Jordan shakes his head, running a hand through his hair.

It's clear he's frazzled, angry, but Tyler can see what Josh can't, that the older brother is completely freaking out, only inches away from being thrown off the edge into a full-blown panic attack. It shows in the way he tugs the dark amber curls on his head, his eyes squeezed up as his chest rises and falls out of pattern and in exaggerated motions, as if he can't get enough air. As if he's living his nightmare. 

Tyler grabs Josh's arm, ready to pull him from the situation to hopefully calm the both of them down, but the younger is quickly pushing into him, hiding with his face in Tyler's chest as he begins sobbing, shaking once more. 

"Shh, c'mon, Josh," he puts an arm around the younger boy to steady him, grabbing Jordan's arm as well. It's clear he has to bring them home, as the chances of them all calming down and solving it on the sidewalk were extremely low. He drags them to the parking lot, finding their car quickly.

Tyler fishes the keys out of his best friend's pocket, leaving him at the front passenger door and moving to the other side of the car, unlocking it and opening the back door.

He's helping Josh get into the black leather seat, despite his whimpers and the way he clings tightly onto the older.

"I'm sorry," Josh sobs quietly, and Tyler doesn't know if he's trying to apologize to his older brother, or him.

"Shh, we'll talk about it when we get home, baby," he glances at Jordan, who's still standing outside and pacing by the car, looking close to either passing out or getting sick out of pure worry and anger. "Just calm down."

He buckles the younger boy in, cupping his cheek and stroking it for a moment. It's wet with tears and cold from the December night air, but he loves his skin all the same, pressing one kiss to Josh's curls and then to his cheek.

When the younger boy looks at him, Tyler sees that familiar fear, the one he saw the day before, earlier in the morning when he woke up to Josh having a panic attack. It's somehow the exact same look on Josh's face, only it's more scared this time, as if the danger is close. He notices too late that the younger boy is looking over his shoulder.

"Josh--?"

He's suddenly knocked unconscious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So to recap
> 
> Josh doesn't sleep well w unfamiliar bodies, he got blue hair now, Tyler turned 24 behind the scenes, Beebo snuck Josh into a club with a woman's ID (cuz lets be real he prolly sneaks into clubs crossdressed all the time) Jordan was just tryna give everyone a good time until it all went to crap, and Tyler's confused all around.
> 
> Like I said, issa lot and I'm sorry XD I hope you guys won't be upset if I say that I might not be able to update next week cuz I'm gonna be ultra busy. This was originally supposed to be two chapters but i crammed it all into one just in case I couldn't make it next week (please forgive me I promise I ultra love and cherish you all and I hope you have the most amazing weekend ever and please don't forget I love you) ❤️
> 
> ((Also if you got the "get lost squidward" reference I'm sorry that prolly means you watched infinity war and your life is shattered as well))

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Hiatus, frens.


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